Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

How to keep someone with you forever

issendai.livejournal.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

61–70 of 97 posts

Re: How to keep someone with you forever

#61

Post by arethuza »

jfr wrote: post #46
greenlblue wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well I hope you make it and don't become like the academics surrounding you.

Thanks! I'm seriously thinking on finishing my Ph.D. and getting out of the university. The university is full of huge egos (with very few exceptions), and people are very hard to deal on a daily basis. There are hard people everywhere (I've worked on the software industry before, I know them), but in the university this is the rule. Also, as you predicted, I'm afraid I may become like them.

"I'm afraid I may become like them" was a big factor for me leaving academia - I was starting to play all the silly games that drove me mad when I joined.

Re: How to keep someone with you forever

#62

Post by arethuza »

JacobAldridge wrote: post #24
pigbucket wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Bede's was not a history of a homogeneous socio-political people, and Arthur, if he was any kind of early mediaeval king, was certainly not King of all Britain. The island was politically fragmented. Record keeping was poor. The very exceptionality of Bede's history would be one reason for its incompleteness. And wikipedia, at the time, was notoriously unreliable.

True, but Bede's history was wide-ranging and made no mention of Arthur or any other elements of his legend. To the extent that Arthur could have been real, he likely would have been a warrior-leader, rather than a king, fighting against the spreading Anglo-Saxon invaders.

Wasn't Bede very much on the side of the, ultimately largely victorious, Anglo-Saxon invaders?

Re: How to keep someone with you forever

#64

Post by JoeAltmaier »

smokinn wrote: post #33

It's depressing how much of that matches up with personal experience. My first job right out of school had points 1 through 9 covered. It was only when I managed to get out that I realized I was right on the edge of a burnout. After leaving I felt like a weight was lifted off of me and I could breathe again. It felt like I had been holding my breath for months. I was lucky because on top of 1 through 9 they also mass…

Sounds like a cynical old guy (I'm one of those). But probably, delayed gratification is a sign of maturity not naivete.

So how to tell the difference between legitimate delayed reward, and smoke? Trust I guess

Re: How to keep someone with you forever

#65

Post by doki_pen »

This is a great description of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Although I haven't seen something define the mechanics of the relationship so well. The real question is, why would you want to keep people trapped in a failing system? It has to do with the the aggressors own fears of inadequacy.

Also, if you find yourself a victim of this type of relationship, usually there is something that you need to fix about yourself. Seek good professional help. Otherwise you risk "escaping" into an identical situation. A healthy person would probably run at the first signs.

Re: How to keep someone with you forever

#66

Post by JoeAltmaier »

lsc wrote: post #47

what, do people think about the ethics of a manager using the 'intermittent rewards' part in the form of unpredictable bonuses over and above regular salary (which would be regular) with the intent of harnessing the addictive nature of intermittent rewards, without using the rest of these things (which clearly cross the line into unethical.) I'm considering implementing a bonus plan... and the question is, do I make…

Bonus systems start out great, get delayed/forgotten/neglected or become haphazard -they take real work to do right!

And then people get disillusioned and surly. Annual review is hard enough already - I'd say do that right, pay everybody as well as you can afford, and leave it at that.

Re: How to keep someone with you forever

#67

Post by JoeAltmaier »

Revisor wrote: post #57

Honest question: Why does this article resonate so much and has over 200 upvotes as of now? Is this really such a wide-spread phenomenon? Can't one detect such behaviour very fast and get out of the rollercoaster before any damage is done?

Cults can last for centuries, and ensnare millions.

Re: How to keep someone with you forever

#68

Post by doki_pen »

loewenskind wrote: post #59
lsc wrote: post #47

what, do people think about the ethics of a manager using the 'intermittent rewards' part in the form of unpredictable bonuses over and above regular salary (which would be regular) with the intent of harnessing the addictive nature of intermittent rewards, without using the rest of these things (which clearly cross the line into unethical.) I'm considering implementing a bonus plan... and the question is, do I make…

Personally, I would avoid a bonus system entirely. The latest happiness study I've seen showed that a bonus system is a net loss. The system existing sets expectations, which means you have 3 possibilities: exceed, meet or don't meet expectations. If you meet expectations then nothing changes, the employee got what they expected. If you surpass expectations then the employee gets very happy and works even harder! For…

I think the bonus system can be very effective at preventing turn-over for the better part of the year. If you just hang on a few more months you get that big bonus!

Re: How to keep someone with you forever

#69

Post by JoeAltmaier »

cjlars wrote: post #34

(un?)Suprisingly, his four rules of the 'sick system' lay out a pretty good groundwork for social games and MMORPGs.

Right. Name ONE "social game" that is really social - involves personal interaction, trust, risking yourself for others. How many are creative, social AND cooperative? How many could survive lifting the "no aggression rule" for city centers without devolving into anarchy?

That term is the biggest double-speak of this decade - "Social Gaming" operates on OCD/addictive personality snaring, pyramid schemes and plain greed.

My last YC app was to try to reinvent this paradigm. Not convincing enought I guess.

Re: How to keep someone with you forever

#70

Post by loewenskind »

doki_pen wrote: post #68
loewenskind wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Personally, I would avoid a bonus system entirely. The latest happiness study I've seen showed that a bonus system is a net loss. The system existing sets expectations, which means you have 3 possibilities: exceed, meet or don't meet expectations. If you meet expectations then nothing changes, the employee got what they expected. If you surpass expectations then the employee gets very happy and works even harder! For…

I think the bonus system can be very effective at preventing turn-over for the better part of the year. If you just hang on a few more months you get that big bonus!

It is good at lock in ("sheesh, I've been here for 8 months, I've only got 4 to go. If I leave I could be leaving $20k on the table"), especially since bonus payouts are often months after hearing the number so you've already began earning the next one before you get your current one paid.

The problem is, when you get that "big" bonus and it's not big then you can't help but be disappointed. I recently saw a company lose about 5 key people at one time because of the disappointment caused by this. Before bonus time those people were happy with their job and even their pay. But they all got nice bonus the year before.

In my estimation, that's 5 people they lost by a non-existent problem they created themselves.

Post reply on HN