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Ask HN: I feel my dream slipping away

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Re: Ask HN: I feel my dream slipping away

#61
post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The only thing worse than a company that knows you have no leverage is a wife that knows you have no leverage.

Huh? I think you and the upmodders do not realize that once the spouse gets the marriage-based green card, it doesn't get revoked in a divorce. AFAIK and IANAL. Unless there is some other point to this comment that is going WAY above my head.

But the first marriage based green card is temporary; it expires in 3 years. That doesn't mean that even if you get a divorce you'll get thrown out, but it certainly increases the risk.

Background: I'm a citizen, and my wife when through the process when we got married six years ago. She became a citizen a couple of years ago.

Re: Ask HN: I feel my dream slipping away

#62
Start looking into full-time positions in Canada as a backup for when your US visa expires. I know others who are in the same predicament as you who were able to find positions within their own big corp employer. Canada is favorable as US allows for partnerships with Canadians. There is also a cultural fit and comfort factor from customers & future employees. You are not alone. Even motivated U.S. corps have to jump through many hoops to get their H1s passed. It is not always the employer who is at fault. For example, there is a waiting period for public companies to start processing H1s after a large layoff. Add to this the bureaucratic nature of big corp + big gov't in general.

Re: Ask HN: I feel my dream slipping away

#63
I was in a similar situation, except I had an American co-founder to create the company and do the paperwork to transfer my H-1B. It took much, much longer than we hoped, but you can get there in the end.

So that would be my advice -- don't wait for the H-1B; find an American co-founder who can bring you on-board.

Re: Ask HN: I feel my dream slipping away

#64

Advice is what I look for when I feel like I should know the answer to something, and I don't. You have a perfectly viable third option, and it's one that I nearly took while trying to juggle a business and a regular job at the same time. I certainly would have taken it if I felt that it was necessary to keep the regular job. That option is, get help. You have a steady, reliable job now, and you might not enjoy it, b…

And try to avoid creating situations in this setup where you are a bottleneck that is constantly holding up whoever you've delegated to (speaking from loads of experience). And when that happens (e.g., content needs to be written to launch), sometimes you just need to relax control and delegate.

Worst case, it's easier to tweak or rewrite something that's been already written than start from scratch.

Re: Ask HN: I feel my dream slipping away

#65
There's some really good advice on this thread. FWIW, here's my take.

You are living two lives at the same time. It's possible to do it, but you have to sacrifice and avoid traps. You have to acknowledge you will be vulnerable due to tiredness. Your main pitfall is falling into depression, despair and alienation. Here are some very simple techniques I use. It is vital to achieve a good mindset and excellent health.

Master your time and in particular your sleep. Every day sleep at least 8 hours. Don't moonlight if possible. Wake up very early in the morning, 5 or 6am maximum. Go for a walk or a run, then have a very quick healthy and filling breakfast (avoid boxed cereals!) If you have time, work some on your project. Get to work before anybody else, get sort everything you can in the morning as everybody else is drowsy and slow. Exploit that. Master the "wally reflector", perhaps preemptively.

For lunch time, have something very light like a sandwich or salad. Push meetings to the afternoon, if possible. Focus well on people talking to you, don't multitask on meetings. Avoid the water-cooler gang, don't waste your time even at the office, remember you are worn out more than your co-workers. If you need to clear your mind, go to a quiet place and rest. Do the same at lunch, if possible.

After work, avoid the pub and go straight to your project and put as many good hours as you can. If you work at home, get rid of any possible distraction, in particular avoid time sinks like TV, social sites, and chat/im. Hold dinner until you are done.

Drink water all the time, perhaps a glass every hour. Avoid any other soft drinks. Eat healthier, get enough nutrients in particular good proteins (milk, egg whites, soy) to help you recover. Also don't neglect good oils (sunflower, algae/fish.) A healthy lifestyle will help you save money, too.

Stay away as much as possible from coffee because it will give you insomnia and stomach problems while in the long run you end up with a dependency and without the buzz. Avoid alcohol (and soft drugs), its effects will cascade into the week because you are vulnerable. Avoid heavy and unhealthy foods, it will give you indigestion and get you drowsy. Stop eating sugars, candy, chocolate, and soft drinks.

When you are feeling bad at work, visualize your goals. Repeat to yourself often, perhaps in a mirror: "this is just a stepping stone and I'm moving forward to my dream life." Or something along the lines better fitting your situation.

Keep completely to yourself either Saturday or Sunday, zero work. Have a good time.

Now the hardcore tricks. In just 2 weeks you can clean up from the typical western sugar addiction. Hang in there with your cravings. Only when you are completely in control, you can have a little bit of sugar as last-resource remedy to help you get by when you reach very low points of the week. Drink lots of water with it to even out the effects from 15m to 45m. Don't eat or drink anything else. Sugar is a strong stimulant and an occasional shot can help keep discipline, but it works only if you don't have resistance to it. (There are several studies on this subject.)

Another trick is to schedule properly the work that wears you out. Put it all together and finish it as soon as possible, then resume your normal schedule.

And the best trick is to go to bed early on Sunday night, perhaps get your doctor to prescribe your some light sleep inducing pills. Some people swear by herbal remedies, too. When you start the week with the right foot it tends to have a good inertia.

And the top trick, write a log! Even if you write a single line it will help you keep focus and will help you become aware of progress. Write it even on bad days, highlight what went wrong. It takes just a minute.

Even though this is a hard life, if you manage to do it right it will be among the best times of your life. Things will change sooner than you expect.

Re: Ask HN: I feel my dream slipping away

#67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's this thing called love, you might have heard of it.

And it can't be summoned forth at will for the purpose of solving immigration issues.

It is pretty easy to meet US citizens in the US, however. If you're looking for a girlfriend / wife anyway, then the odds are high that she will be a citizen. Two birds with one stone.

Re: Ask HN: I feel my dream slipping away

#68
post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The only thing worse than a company that knows you have no leverage is a wife that knows you have no leverage.

Huh? I think you and the upmodders do not realize that once the spouse gets the marriage-based green card, it doesn't get revoked in a divorce. AFAIK and IANAL. Unless there is some other point to this comment that is going WAY above my head.

Well, your knowledge is surely lacking. To prevent immigration fraud, the rule is that when you marry a citizen, you get a temporary green card which is valid for 2 years. You must go back to USCIS after 2 years to get a permanent green card. Also, it's quite possible that USCIS will ask for proof that your marriage was legit (wedding pictures/honeymoon pictures/joint bank accounts). If you get divorced before 2 years, it becomes kind of tricky to get permanent green card. [Read http://www.shusterman.com/greencardsthroughmarriage.html, scroll to 'REMOVING CONDITIONAL RESIDENCE' section]

Also, if you get divorce after getting green card and if USCIS finds out that you married citizen only to get green card, they can revoke it.

Re: Ask HN: I feel my dream slipping away

#69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

By itself, that doesn't say much. My dad lived in the U.S. for 50 years and still wasn't culturally American when he died. I was born here and still don't understand much of it close to 30 years later. You're right, though, in that I shouldn't assume that he doesn't understand American culture - there's just no information either way. So if he does, it basically amounts to waiting until he can get his green card (or…

Finding a cofounder that you 'click' with is damn difficult no matter where you are.

Perhaps try some of the coFounder pairing events. I'm in the same boat as you; trying to find a passionate co-founder who I mesh with and who can match my enthusiasm. http://founderdating.com

Re: Ask HN: I feel my dream slipping away

#70
Don't try to work on your project after a full day of work. You're physically and mentally tired, you won't produce quality work and you'll begin to dread working on your side project.

Here is some simple advice that has worked for me very well in the past, in exactly your situation (and I've gone on to run those side projects successfully and even exit from one via acquisition).

__Work on your side projects in the morning__

This involves some lifestyle changes, i.e. waking up early. The process, once mature, involves 3 steps:

1) On the commute home after work, think of 1 concrete thing you want to achieve the next morning on your side project. Relax and watch TV etc whilst going over in your head what you're going to do in terms of execution.

2) Go to sleep early (say 11pm) and wake up at 6am.

3) Do the stuff you thought about. Your mind will be fresh, you'll be looking forward to working, and if you can charge through 1 to-do list item per day, that's good, consistent progress.

Keeping a strict routine of this you can maintain a very quick pace of product iteration. Much faster than you'd think, for just a couple of hours a day. It's all about filling those hours with concrete tasks and being in the right mindset to Get Things Done.

Hope that helps.

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