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How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

nytimes.com

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Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#61

Post by no_wizard »

mmanfrin wrote: post #36
paulpauper wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

traditional forums still exist the problem with reddit is that there is too much news, outrage, and hype there.

They still exist, but they have been dying. There are a few niche forums that still hold on to users, but the proliferation of subreddits leaks people away. I visit no forums today, whereas when I grew up it was a majority of my online-life.

I agree with this wholly. I used to play chess on a service called FICS and it had a decent social scene in some ways for someone who was growing up geek in a town that wasn't really giving avenues for it (I grew up in the rural Midwest...it's no rural south but it's not great either) I went back recently and it's usershio is wwaaaay down

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#62

Post by ArkyBeagle »

TheOneTrueKyle wrote: post #30

I have been "lonely" most of my life. I have lived in a terrible town growing up where everyone lived on the other side of town. I went to college where nothing was happening and nothing is really interesting and I didn't connect with anyone really. Now, I am reaching 30, and have spent the most of my 20s trying to find a way to move to a place that will make me happy. I'm hoping this will eventually happen, but I ha…

I hear you.

Be happy where you are. It's essentially a form of self-delusion. And I DARE you to watch Ren & Stimpy's "Stimpy's Invention[1]" and not be happy, at least for a little while.

[1] in which Stimpy invents "The Happy Helmet" and Ren is his ... involuntary happiness subject. And yes - it's on YouTube.

"I don't think you're happy enough! That's right! I'll teach you to be happy! I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs!"

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#63

Post by carsongross »

A great paradox of our hyper-connected digital age is that we seem to be drifting apart. Increasingly, however, research confirms our deepest intuition: Human connection lies at the heart of human well-being. It’s up to all of us — doctors, patients, neighborhoods and communities — to maintain bonds where they’re fading, and create ones where they haven’t existed.

Robert Putnam has written extensively on this issue and the underlying causes:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_D._Putnam

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#64

Post by TheOneTrueKyle »

ArkyBeagle wrote: post #62
TheOneTrueKyle wrote: post #30

I have been "lonely" most of my life. I have lived in a terrible town growing up where everyone lived on the other side of town. I went to college where nothing was happening and nothing is really interesting and I didn't connect with anyone really. Now, I am reaching 30, and have spent the most of my 20s trying to find a way to move to a place that will make me happy. I'm hoping this will eventually happen, but I ha…

I hear you. Be happy where you are. It's essentially a form of self-delusion. And I DARE you to watch Ren & Stimpy's "Stimpy's Invention[1]" and not be happy, at least for a little while. [1] in which Stimpy invents "The Happy Helmet" and Ren is his ... involuntary happiness subject. And yes - it's on YouTube. "I don't think you're happy enough! That's right! I'll teach you to be happy! I'll teach your grandmother to…

Haha this is so funny as I found myself singing "happy happy joy joy" earlier today.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#65

Post by jostylr »

duderific wrote: post #55
bvinc wrote: post #43

I think it's valuable to think about this problem from an evolutionary perspective. Almost every problem we have can be viewed this way. We should be asking ourselves how we were living 100,000 years ago. This is what our bodies and our brains are expecting. The whole concept of the nuclear family and a house and a fence is a completely foreign concept to our bodies because we haven't been doing it for very many gene…

> I think it's valuable to think about this problem from an evolutionary perspective. Almost every problem we have can be viewed this way. Spot on. I was an Anthropology major in college, and this is the single most important takeaway from my education. Even a few decades ago, families often at least lived with or close to the elder generation (grandparents) which created a greater sense of community and history. At…

Not just old people, but having young people segregated into cohorts of kids the same age, being directed in activities, away from what adults are naturally doing at that time.

There is a whole age spectrum from 0 to 100 where the 20-60 year olds are providing the main physical sustenance, but the others are giving the main social sustenance.

Our society has organized all that away. So kids wait to grow up so that they can finally have freedom and old people wait around to die. That's a bit extreme, of course, but there is a kernel of truth in it.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#66

Post by wott »

allemagne wrote: post #60
bvinc wrote: post #43

I think it's valuable to think about this problem from an evolutionary perspective. Almost every problem we have can be viewed this way. We should be asking ourselves how we were living 100,000 years ago. This is what our bodies and our brains are expecting. The whole concept of the nuclear family and a house and a fence is a completely foreign concept to our bodies because we haven't been doing it for very many gene…

Isn't that sort of what a nuclear family living in a house or a college dorm is?

I'd say the first one is a bit small in numbers and the second one too homogeneous.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#67

Post by soneca »

TheOneTrueKyle wrote: post #59
soneca wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you despise all people living in the place you live now? Take this lightly, but I bet you can find at least one more person that "despises" your place and you can discuss that with them. :)

I will say that my limited connections comes from mutual hate and not mutual interests. Not sure if that is good or bad.

My (not so limited) connections come from continuously contact, not common interests or hates.

Very different, oposing views and values can break a relationship. Very similar views cannot make them - only if this similarity leads to continuous contact.

My friends come from: childhood neighboors, two student organizations I was part of and college soccer team. Each of these environments allowed for years long contact with the same people. And from that came friendships. Not from similar anything.

Friendships are born from tedious hours of boring conversation with random people that only happened because no one there had nothing else better to do.

That comfortable feeling of having a meaningful relationship only comes years after that.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#68

Post by Broken_Hippo »

TheOneTrueKyle wrote: post #30

I have been "lonely" most of my life. I have lived in a terrible town growing up where everyone lived on the other side of town. I went to college where nothing was happening and nothing is really interesting and I didn't connect with anyone really. Now, I am reaching 30, and have spent the most of my 20s trying to find a way to move to a place that will make me happy. I'm hoping this will eventually happen, but I ha…

I used to feel this way, and occasionally still do, but it is no longer the pervasive norm.

I still don't connect to most folks, but that's ok. I found a few.

But I also moved countries, so the stakes changed and so did my relationship with the world around me. Best thing I've ever done.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#69

Post by yossarian »

muninn_ wrote: post #5
conistonwater wrote: post #3

I like the article, but I gotta ask: why the focus on "new research"? Is "old research" not good enough? I suppose it might not be, but some of it should really be at least brought up. Here's a book from 1974 [1] by Robert Weiss, whose first (sample) chapter [2] reads very similar to the NYTimes piece, and covers many of the same issues, even before the internet was around. In particular, it draws the line (much more…

Right. It's not an issue of technology, for the most part, but it's the way American cities are designed. Instead of mixed-use walkable neighborhoods where people with a variety of incomes and backgrounds live, and stay put, we have suburban fortresses where people live in a box, never talk to their neighbors, drive a box to work, work in a box, then do it all over again. The national highway system was great for a n…

It's also the way American culture is: as a society of individuals with little obligation to their communities outside of work and family.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#70

Post by sirclueless »

no_wizard wrote: post #61
mmanfrin wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They still exist, but they have been dying. There are a few niche forums that still hold on to users, but the proliferation of subreddits leaks people away. I visit no forums today, whereas when I grew up it was a majority of my online-life.

I agree with this wholly. I used to play chess on a service called FICS and it had a decent social scene in some ways for someone who was growing up geek in a town that wasn't really giving avenues for it (I grew up in the rural Midwest...it's no rural south but it's not great either) I went back recently and it's usershio is wwaaaay down

Well, I think like every other loosely federated communication system from the 90s (except email), the scene has moved on to a couple proprietary platforms providing a better user experience. lichess.org and chess.com have pretty good scenes now, and you can still make friends there.
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