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Married to someone with anxiety

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61–70 of 212 posts

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#61
After a 10 year fight induced from stress, I can positively say that I'm free from it, just reading a page like this would have floored me 5 years ago.

Some stuff I learned:

- Stop* with coffee, for some reason tea does not the same thing to my body, coffee is like gasoline on the anxiety fire, I cant stress this point enough.

- Stop* with nicotine, (almost) same as coffee

- Stop* drinking, you need to stay strong 7 days a week to get out of it

- Start walking, at least 8km during weekdays day, in brisk pace, you should have to take a shower after. After each walk, do a workout, pushups, chins etc. Make this a priority, and dont walk when its dark outside, you need the sunlight.

- In the beginning, avoid everything stressful, its not hiding, its waiting until strong enough

- Stoicism contains allot of valuable lessons for us, its where CBT came from after all.

- If you come out on this like me on the right side (I hope), and your loved one is still by your side, remember that !

All the best !

*) To stop with something like "drinking" and coffee, it seems hard and rash, but it really helps, and dont make the mistake to once in a while break the rule, its much easier to stick to the rule if there are zero exceptions, less inner conversation, less guilt, more pride.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#62
post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"I usually find I don't have much to talk to anyone about unless we're doing something..." I very much understand this statement. I think that's why I don't have more social contact - nothing to say, really. I mean, I think a lot, but it doesn't seem to match up with the sorts of things people talk about. And honestly, my life isn't that interesting to talk about. I draw every day, for example, but I can't really tal…

Exactly! >"And honestly, my life isn't that interesting to talk about. I draw every day, for example, but I can't really talk about that and be interesting." You can talk about it and be interesting, just it takes real work to talk about it and a real effort on the opposite side to listen and engage. I can talk for hours about topic I'm super into, but at that point it feels like I'm talking at someone not with them.…

I keep photos of my work on my phone. That's actually the easiest way to talk about it and be engaged. It just doesn't work with everyone :)

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#63
post #4

I was married to such person for 8 years. I physically aged 40 years, and I got gray hair. My best advice is to get out NOW if you can. Maybe things are working out now, but you are barely floating. Add normal family life into picture: children, job loss, some injury, any sort of accident... and you will sink to bottom faster than a stone.

Not sure why you are being downvoted. It may seem crass, but it is true. In the last 6-7 years I seem to have mentally and physically aged twice as much if not more. WE are still together but honestly, I don't think I can handle this much more to the point I'm getting depressed as well (suicide thoughts)

Is it worth it? Staying out of "obligation" or "guilt"?

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#64
Stop thinking in "types" and responses and most certainly--stop thinking that things happen for "absolutely no reason".

Everything happens for a reason. Anxiety is a mental state. Until that state is resolved, the anxiety will persist. Strong self-reflection is the way out.

Cannabis can help to rocket you through your anxiety and helped me figure it out pretty quickly.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#65
post #4

I was married to such person for 8 years. I physically aged 40 years, and I got gray hair. My best advice is to get out NOW if you can. Maybe things are working out now, but you are barely floating. Add normal family life into picture: children, job loss, some injury, any sort of accident... and you will sink to bottom faster than a stone.

Not sure why you are being downvoted. It may seem crass, but it is true. In the last 6-7 years I seem to have mentally and physically aged twice as much if not more. WE are still together but honestly, I don't think I can handle this much more to the point I'm getting depressed as well (suicide thoughts)

> I don't think I can handle this much more to the point I'm getting depressed as well (suicide thoughts)

I'd strongly suggest telling someone how you are feeling if you have not already. I've been there myself where my significant other was having physical health issues and I was just spent emotionally, physically and financially. That discussion with my spouse and family was a big turning point for all of us for the better.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#66
post #8

> More evenings with no sleep, coupled with a 4 hour commute (both ways) means she is exhausted. This stood out to me - I cannot imagine the detrimental effect that 8 hours commuting per day has on one's mental health. I'm glad she was able to change jobs.

That would be impossible. I understood 4h total.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#67
post #11

Really glad this article was posted. I have anxiety. No idea what to do about it. I just sit here locked in my apartment all day, haven't seen anyone in weeks. Moved a friend in next door, he's extremely loud, now I haven't seen him in weeks either. I just can't. I'm just an asshole sitting here with headphones on 14 hours a day and then sleeping completely locked in a prison of my own making. To walk into the kitche…

> Like my loud friend. It's totally his right to be loud, and it's unfair to him that someone like me lives next door. This is not even close to true, and I suspect even your friend doesn't think it is true! You shouldn't have to hear the person you live next to, period. You feel angry because your friend's behavior is either clueless or inconsiderate—likely the former. Educating him would help both of you. Please th…

It's such a weird situation all around, there's many angles at play. Moving out soon anyways to a more insulated place soon so all of this will cease to matter (hopefully). Thanks.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"One piece of advice I have for you is to not take on the role of mental health professional in your relationship" So much this. My first husband was schizo-affective. I often felt I was in the role of caregiver and part-time mental health professional, all while trying to work to supoprt us both. And this was while he had medications to help him and very regular psychiatrist appointments. Looking back, I should have…

> I should have insisted on some therapy for myself as well Yes. So much this. I suffer from pretty serious anxiety. And just a few months ago I was fighting through the worst of it. Looking back at how much my wife was doing and how stressed she was... I feel like she could've benefitted from therapy almost more than me. I wish we as a culture can get over the therapy stereotypes. Both my kids see a therapist on a r…

My problem with "therapy" is that the word is woefully undefined.

Sticking an ice pick up a person's nose, into their brain, and just moving the pick around has been counted as therapy.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"One piece of advice I have for you is to not take on the role of mental health professional in your relationship" So much this. My first husband was schizo-affective. I often felt I was in the role of caregiver and part-time mental health professional, all while trying to work to supoprt us both. And this was while he had medications to help him and very regular psychiatrist appointments. Looking back, I should have…

> I should have insisted on some therapy for myself as well Yes. So much this. I suffer from pretty serious anxiety. And just a few months ago I was fighting through the worst of it. Looking back at how much my wife was doing and how stressed she was... I feel like she could've benefitted from therapy almost more than me. I wish we as a culture can get over the therapy stereotypes. Both my kids see a therapist on a r…

I actually hope that regular mental health checks are as common as physicals. One way to reduce the stigma, anyway. Until then, suggestions to folks that are intersecting the system would do well - on top of actually having enough trained professionals to do so.

The last bit might be one key to it: Sometimes folks have trouble even finding an free practitioner. The problems get even worse in the US if you are low-income since not everywhere will take medicaid.

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