61–70 of 166 posts
I despise the use of the word "work" here. Basically any activity that you find rewarding and that keeps your body and mind moving will have the same effect. I.e. getting out of the bed and doing stuff helps you not to become a senile cretin. It doesn't have to be work
>“You go from working 50, 60, 70 hours a week to zero,” Moen says. “And it very much affects your identity. Who am I? For men, the answer usually is their job.” I feel like this is a problem our whole life however it is only once we retire that we are forced to confront it. Until then we are able to avoid dealing with a lack of fulfilling activities outside of work, limited social connections and a weak sense of iden…
>“You go from working 50, 60, 70 hours a week to zero,” Moen says. “And it very much affects your identity. Who am I? For men, the answer usually is their job.” I feel like this is a problem our whole life however it is only once we retire that we are forced to confront it. Until then we are able to avoid dealing with a lack of fulfilling activities outside of work, limited social connections and a weak sense of iden…
I've done a lot of open source in that time but, at least for me that's not enough. I don't have an SO and so effectively I have zero companionship. Work often filled that void, especially with lots of overtime on teams. My closest friends are all x-coworkers. The last job though, for whatever reason, provided none of that, co-workers never became friends outside of work, one of the reasons I left.
I'm not retired though (don't have funds for that) so eventually I'll get a job again. In the meantime there's all the obvious solutions like volunteering, going to meetups, organizing meetups, etc. For various reasons I haven't pursued those yet
>“You go from working 50, 60, 70 hours a week to zero,” Moen says. “And it very much affects your identity. Who am I? For men, the answer usually is their job.” I feel like this is a problem our whole life however it is only once we retire that we are forced to confront it. Until then we are able to avoid dealing with a lack of fulfilling activities outside of work, limited social connections and a weak sense of iden…
+1. If your finances are sorted out, it's good to take a break from work for 2-3 months and do absolutely nothing. What you once craved, 8 hours of sleep, hanging out with friends, traveling, spending time with family etc, once you experience them for a long enough time, will start hurting and you will start craving for work. I think it's a myth that one can just chill out forever, which is why I also believe that UB…
Absolutely. My wife and I spent a few years traveling full-time, mostly SE Asia. I worked remotely while my wife was busy with various projects.
In particular, tropical islands are incredibly damaging to your motivation and general happiness. We arrived grossly overestimating how much we would enjoying hanging out on a tropical islands and met a great many people who had the same misconception.
For good reason most who have the option to stay long term get bored and then go somewhere else after a few weeks or months. Among those who stay long term alcoholism is rife. There just isn't that much to do in a "tropical paradise", particularly at night.
Getting back into a city was a genuine relief after a few months of islands, beaches etc.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
That is a rough situation, and it sounds like you are hanging in there impressively. Hats off to you for that. I do have to agree with the other poster, I sounds like the big thing here is the framing of the situation, your presentation, and projecting confidence. Perhaps doing fake interviews with people and getting their feedback on the non-technical aspects could be helpful (it sounds like you are nailing the tech…
I was living and working on the east coast in a major city for about the past 8 years, and feel that culturally I resonate more with urban lifestyle, tech & university hubs, etc. Sense of humor is important to me ... I'm one of those people who was raised on The Simpsons, despite how cliche it is and how much Sean & Hayes of Hollywood Handbook would mock me for saying so. The family situation has required me to move…
What about giving tech presentations as self-employment? Since you enjoy doing these, you would just need an audience, maybe at a school? Or maybe presenting concepts on YouTube?
"There were problems and I had to move home to run the family for a while, but I stayed busy making YouTube videos about tech concepts," might be a more palatable narrative to a prospective boss. The kids could even help make the videos.
>“You go from working 50, 60, 70 hours a week to zero,” Moen says. “And it very much affects your identity. Who am I? For men, the answer usually is their job.” I feel like this is a problem our whole life however it is only once we retire that we are forced to confront it. Until then we are able to avoid dealing with a lack of fulfilling activities outside of work, limited social connections and a weak sense of iden…
+1. If your finances are sorted out, it's good to take a break from work for 2-3 months and do absolutely nothing. What you once craved, 8 hours of sleep, hanging out with friends, traveling, spending time with family etc, once you experience them for a long enough time, will start hurting and you will start craving for work. I think it's a myth that one can just chill out forever, which is why I also believe that UB…
I honestly thought that I would be bored and craving work at this point. But it turns out that I have enough open source ideas that 3 months can fly by with pleasure, and I extended my sabbatical for another few months.
I also have neighbors who I'm friends with, which helps tremendously. And I get to go to all the nice places in SF during the daytime, when it's not crowded.
I agree it's good to take a break from your job, but for me that meant working on stuff I've wanted to work on for YEARS.
I don't think you'll ever get sick of 8 hours of sleep :) That really helps the brain, and mental health. (Although I always got of 8 hours of sleep, even while working)
Honestly, most of your friends and family are probably all working and busy with their own stuff. You can hang out with them a little more, but it's not like you'll ever go from hanging out once a week to hanging out every day. And at least to me, travelling is boring if you don't know anyone there, or have any larger purpose. It feels like I'm constantly getting ripped off too.
Travelling feels like consumption; programming feels like creation. Consumption is only fun in the moment, IMO. The difficulty of creation provides some of the ups and downs that you need for an interesting mental life.
And exercising is harder on vacation for me... I end up getting antsy and uncomfortable because I'm not biking every day.
But yeah I think it is good to spend some time semi-retired and see if you can bear it!
Earlier quoted context omitted.
+1. If your finances are sorted out, it's good to take a break from work for 2-3 months and do absolutely nothing. What you once craved, 8 hours of sleep, hanging out with friends, traveling, spending time with family etc, once you experience them for a long enough time, will start hurting and you will start craving for work. I think it's a myth that one can just chill out forever, which is why I also believe that UB…
>I think it's a myth that one can just chill out forever Absolutely. My wife and I spent a few years traveling full-time, mostly SE Asia. I worked remotely while my wife was busy with various projects. In particular, tropical islands are incredibly damaging to your motivation and general happiness. We arrived grossly overestimating how much we would enjoying hanging out on a tropical islands and met a great many peop…
>“You go from working 50, 60, 70 hours a week to zero,” Moen says. “And it very much affects your identity. Who am I? For men, the answer usually is their job.” I feel like this is a problem our whole life however it is only once we retire that we are forced to confront it. Until then we are able to avoid dealing with a lack of fulfilling activities outside of work, limited social connections and a weak sense of iden…
I recognize I'm in this situation, but I have no idea what one could do to make a life meaningful, outside of good work or raising great kids, hopefully with a loving partner. I have already tried many things: Living in 3 other countries for 4 years in total (but I was missing family and friends support), being self-employed (I do B2B software like P.McKenzie), learning to dance (3 times, but I feel crap at it), musi…
if you look for some enlightenment from behind the keyboard, there will be none.
(on personal level, mountains and travelling to them & around did it for me. it takes time to be in shape to enjoy them and not only suffer up & down, but it's well worth it. most intense moments of my life happened this way. i will die with a smile on my face for having a privilege to experience them)
Earlier quoted context omitted.
+1. If your finances are sorted out, it's good to take a break from work for 2-3 months and do absolutely nothing. What you once craved, 8 hours of sleep, hanging out with friends, traveling, spending time with family etc, once you experience them for a long enough time, will start hurting and you will start craving for work. I think it's a myth that one can just chill out forever, which is why I also believe that UB…
>I think it's a myth that one can just chill out forever Absolutely. My wife and I spent a few years traveling full-time, mostly SE Asia. I worked remotely while my wife was busy with various projects. In particular, tropical islands are incredibly damaging to your motivation and general happiness. We arrived grossly overestimating how much we would enjoying hanging out on a tropical islands and met a great many peop…
best setup i've seen is to travel around the globe maybe 2 years, through all possible locations. enjoy given country for few weeks/months if it's a big one and move.
after that, people were ready to settle (but who knows for how long)
>“You go from working 50, 60, 70 hours a week to zero,” Moen says. “And it very much affects your identity. Who am I? For men, the answer usually is their job.” I feel like this is a problem our whole life however it is only once we retire that we are forced to confront it. Until then we are able to avoid dealing with a lack of fulfilling activities outside of work, limited social connections and a weak sense of iden…
+1. If your finances are sorted out, it's good to take a break from work for 2-3 months and do absolutely nothing. What you once craved, 8 hours of sleep, hanging out with friends, traveling, spending time with family etc, once you experience them for a long enough time, will start hurting and you will start craving for work. I think it's a myth that one can just chill out forever, which is why I also believe that UB…
You probably have the wrong idea about chill, if you sleep 10h a day and do nothing else than watch cartoons may be don't blame the lack of work, but the lack of ambition. You can garden (that'll keep you plenty busy), reduce your footprint on this rotten planet by crafting things yourself, be active in meeting new people, open your horizons.
This "work is meaningful" is the biggest lie of our era, it feels meaningful because most have forgotten how to enjoy their day to day life and the fulfillment that comes with being in charge of your own life. Work as we know and do it is a travesty and a lie kept alive because it benefits some.
I hear people talk about progress, about the planet, the environment, well if we stopped working so damn much may be all of that would have a better future, because right now the work & consuming obsessed society we are is destroying it while most like to pretend we're improving.
Craving for work... One craves for work like one craves for death.