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My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

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Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#61

Post by pareci »

depressedfather wrote: post #2

I'm like her dad. Reading her story may have altered my path, for the sake of my daughters, for a bit longer, I guess. I design software, I code, test and deploy. They think my work is good. It doesn't matter. I work until I'm tired and then I sleep. I hide my tears from my family. There's no joy in any of these projects, and I've lost all interest in my past side projects. I work so much I barely see my daughters be…

Try to get some sleep and talk to people 1-1, who may care about you. Give them some time.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#62

Post by autoreleasepool »

I have been in and out of depression and obsessive isolation. The one thing that gets me through the hell that comes with it is my ability to (eventually) reach out to my friends and family.

If you're ever feeling like you can't get through the dark times, please reach out to those who care about you. Even if those relationships are purely online.

It helps to be reminded you're not alone, even when that seems like a trivial or obvious Sometimes we tend to avoid the simplest and most elegant solutions because they're not as mentally stimulating -- it's the part of the double edged sword of an analytical mind. At least that's the case for me.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#63

Post by JabavuAdams »

depressedfather wrote: post #4
jacalata wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have you seen a doctor? Called a helpline?

A long time ago. It didn't help.

Please try again. What have you got to lose?

I've had episodes in my life where I felt so trapped or constrained or ashamed that I thought about ending it.

I'm really glad I didn't. My thought process was broken. I would have devastated my loved-ones, and thrown away my life for deadlines / issues that no one cared about that much.

I have friends who have survived major depression and are mostly happy now.

There's hope!

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#64

Post by gukov »

farresito wrote: post #19
depressedfather wrote: post #2

I'm like her dad. Reading her story may have altered my path, for the sake of my daughters, for a bit longer, I guess. I design software, I code, test and deploy. They think my work is good. It doesn't matter. I work until I'm tired and then I sleep. I hide my tears from my family. There's no joy in any of these projects, and I've lost all interest in my past side projects. I work so much I barely see my daughters be…

The first thing I always recommend: start doing physical activity. It doesn't need to be much; 30 minutes a day (start with less if needed). The difference is significant. Give it a try, please. Start tomorrow. Go out for a run for a bit. I have been (and still am) in the same position as you, although for different reasons, and sport makes a big difference. Wish you the best and be strong. Your daughters admire you…

Low testosterone and other related things can give a man depression. Way too many intelligent people are depressed. I think one of the major reasons is the lack of physical activity typically associated with engineering fields.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#65

Post by mirimir »

dcsadthrowaway wrote: post #56

The author here is pretty brave. I've often thought about writing something along similar lines. When you're living in DC and you aren't doing this long list of elite stuff, it's much less ok to admit you're not ok. Many places want their younger workers to work hard, not smart. I'm currently looking for a job that have more autonomy, more respect for the individual, but they're hard to find. It's especially frustrat…

Be careful using weed to mask depression. It does work, in my experience. But tolerance can develop over time. It's nowhere near as dramatic as addiction to tobacco or heroin or benzodiazepines. Yet there is the risk.

Also, dogma and accepted practice notwithstanding, "depression" is a morass of symptoms, not a well-defined disease/condition. Testing treatments is hard, because symptoms subjective and placebo effects are huge. And worse, GPs tend to cluelessly prescribe popular SSRIs/SNRIs, and those can make bipolar folks seriously crazy. As in psychotic. homicidal and/or suicidal. Especially younger patients, apparently. So be careful!

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#66

Post by Nrsolis »

foobarqux wrote: post #59
Nrsolis wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm going to post here under my real nick and hope you read my comments: I was in a depressive state for close to twenty years. The loss of my mother at 10 put me there and instead of getting better I settled into my depression for the next twenty. Twenty years. I was irritable and emotional. I had few friends and I made the friends I did have pay for their mistake of being my friend. I made bad decisions and burned…

Which medication changed your life?

Zoloft.

I had a very strong opinion about psychiatric drugs: I hated the idea of them.

But when you are desperate, you'll try anything. And I was desperate.

SO I made a bargain with myself: drugs for a maximum one year. No matter what happened, I'd only try the drugs for one year.

After one year I didn't need them any longer. I was able to understand when I was entering a depressed state and adjust. Knowing what "good" felt like helped me understand what bad" felt like.

That's the bit that causes the growth and why you need to combine talk therapy with drug therapy.

I got lucky and found the right combo for me; someone else might have to try a few combinations to find what works for them.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#67

Post by JabavuAdams »

yeukhon wrote: post #21

I don't believe in therapy. I have multiple major depressions throughout my life, and I entered a new one two and a half years ago. I don't believe in therapy because therapists don't offer anything new but the same comments and advice I get from books and television shows. Morning commute and night commute are the darkest hours of my every day life. Sleeping in doesn't help me because my mind is full of ideas and fe…

Your thinking is broken because you have a mental illness. You say you've been through this before so that means you can get out of it again.

I've been through similar episodes of planning for isolation and suicide. You need to get help. I mean you can always kill yourself later, right? Might as well try to get help first.

There are many, many options and the technology is getting better.

I almost jumped off a bridge a month ago. Over what? Not marking some fucking assignments for my students? Not being a billionaire? Turning 40?

You may hate yourself right now, but there are people who love you and who would be devastated by your death.

Get help! Try again! Keep trying. You've been through this before, so you can get out of it again.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#68

Post by depressedfather »

depressedfather wrote: post #2

I'm like her dad. Reading her story may have altered my path, for the sake of my daughters, for a bit longer, I guess. I design software, I code, test and deploy. They think my work is good. It doesn't matter. I work until I'm tired and then I sleep. I hide my tears from my family. There's no joy in any of these projects, and I've lost all interest in my past side projects. I work so much I barely see my daughters be…

Thank you for all the responses. I took a large life insurance policy a few weeks ago, but I'll look for a therapist on Monday. There's a hundred in Boulder, I feel paralyzed, I don't have time to figure them out. The few friends I have don't hear me. I do exercise and team sport, I eat decently well, those are not the causes.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#69

Post by smt88 »

reubenmorais wrote: post #52

I'm fairly sure I'm depressed, but I feel like I have to hide it in order to protect my mom, who is also depressed. She's been dealing with her depression for about five years now, and thanks to software I've been able to support our family for the past three years (I'm 22), which is fantastic for her and my siblings, but at the same time it makes me feel like I have to be an emotional/financial anchor for the family…

See a professional as soon as possible. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If you can't hide it from your mom, then don't. Your life and health are too important. And anyway, seeking help doesn't mean you stop being a source of support for others -- if anything, it'll make you better support for them.
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