Girl, Bye • Hacker News Board

Re: Girl, Bye

#61

Post by exstudent2 » Tue, Oct 27, 2015, 1:45 AM UTC

greenyoda wrote: post #59

exstudent2 wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What problem in the industry do you think this is pointing out? Someone told their manager that they were uncomfortable working with her, and she said it's sexism. Seems to me the co-worker did the right thing by going to their manager instead of being a jerk/passive aggressive. People probably think it's cliche because she uses the air conditioning is patriarchy argument.

"Someone told their manager that they were uncomfortable working with her... Seems to me the co-worker did the right thing by going to their manager instead of being a jerk/passive aggressive." You're drawing a false dichotomy. The third option (other than going to his manager or being a jerk) would have been to realize that not everyone at work is going to be his friend, and not complain about feeling uncomfortable…

We don't know how she was acting. If it was anything like her blog post, then he absolutely did the right thing by going to his manager. We only have one piece of information and it doesn't make her look good.

Re: Girl, Bye

#62

Post by mailslot » Wed, Oct 28, 2015, 7:45 PM UTC

I have been on the opposite side, working in a female dominated office of fifty employees. I was one of seven males, myself interning during summer vacation.

I was once called into HR because I made someone feel uncomfortable by not saying hello to them that morning. I was intent on putting out a fire that was causing $1,000.00's worth of losses per minute. That was not important, because I made someone feel uncomfortable.

My discomfort was secondary in all situations that summer. If you think that sexism only works one way, think again. I wasn't part of the girls club. Many, certainly not all, of these women conducted their "locker room" talk in my presence.

There were inappropriate remarks, vulgar remarks, gentle teasing and even full blown harassment. Any man would lose a career over some of the things they'd talk about... or my ass they'd grab.

Professionalism is professionalism. One thing that stands out though, the women would continually accuse the men of the office of being sexist pigs, myself included.

Re: Girl, Bye

#63

Post by [deleted] » Sat, Oct 31, 2015, 3:43 AM UTC

lukev wrote: post #40

AnimalMuppet wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What is your default assumption? Stuff happens. Is your default assumption that the stuff is sexism in action? Look, there is sexism. I don't deny it. You know it, I know it, and everyone who isn't actively in denial knows it. But there are also honest misunderstandings. And there are personal, petty actions that are just because people are petty. Even if the recipient is female, it isn't always sexism. So, when a si…

This argument is insidious, because it's extremely difficult to document a pattern, particularly when folk come out of the woodwork to undermine each and every individual anecdote claiming sexism (as in this and every other thread like this on HN. Even, I would point out, in cases where the sexism is undeniable to any rational observer). Do you have to believe every anecdote? Of course not. Should you let those women…

[deleted]

Re: Girl, Bye

#64

Post by sssilver » Sat, Oct 31, 2015, 7:36 PM UTC

greenyoda wrote: post #57

sssilver wrote: post #55

> The most personal thing he knows about me is my dog’s name, and I know even less about him. So why isn’t he comfortable around me? For me that would be exactly why I am uncomfortable with someone I work and spend time with every day.

It's entirely possible to have a professional relationship with your co-workers without them being your friends. I get along very well with my co-workers on a professional level (e.g., I'm always there to help if asked), but I socialize with only a handful of them, and very few know anything about my personal life.

It's certainly possible, but that would make me personally feel very uncomfortable around these people, and I would eventually float towards working in a more tightly coupled team with relationships that transcend work.

That being said, many people actually prefer having that distance. For me I find that distance bothers me, and that may be a cultural thing.