Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Talking to strangers at the gym

thienantran.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

591–600 of 810 posts

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#591

Post by brailsafe »

wordpressed wrote: post #316
nasir wrote: post #27

Around 15 years ago I took on the challenge to start a conversation with random people to break through this barrier and train this muscle. What I started with was to chit chat with those I had already established an interaction. For example at the Starbucks I would say something to barista. Those interactions were short but broke the ice. Later I went for random people in the street and that was quite awkward. There…

I'm not saying this is you, but i've also ran into a lot of those people, almost always men, often in their late 30s or 40s, going around talking to everyone cracking jokes and thinking they're the live of the party, while everyone else is just silently annoyed by them.

I think this is a particular character in a particular context you're thinking about, but—aside from overtly bombastic loud people—if he can't tell that people are annoyed, how can you?

> thinking they're the live of the party, while everyone else is just silently annoyed by them.

Not saying this is you, but my impression is that people who lean into silent annoyance also depend on passive aggression, fueling it with resentment that they aren't as outgoing (or whatever) and deserve the attention instead, and those who are especially anxious and/or neurotic imagine that everyone else shares the apparent negative feelings, effectively acting as they imagine everyone else wants them to act. People have a hard time letting themselves just vibe and roll with it if they think it might make them less appealing by association. Maybe they are the life of the party, since it's not much of one if people can't pump some life into it

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#592

Post by porknubbins »

SoftTalker wrote: post #267
et-al wrote: post #239

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree with you this was not Dale Carnegie's intent when he wrote the book, but alexmuresan probably takes issue because the "red pilling" crowd have used Carnegie's advice to manipulate people. Personally, salespeople have randomly complimented me and repeated my name over and over, and on the receiving end it weirded me out. So the problem is that in certain situations there is an overarching "what did you want to…

Yes, the problem is that every scammer and salesman uses these techniques also, and if you've run into a few of them, having a complete stranger approach you with the standard Dale Carnegie playbook immediately sets off alarm bells.

Yes this is obvious if you think about movies where people become friends or romantic partners- they are usually cold or unfriendly to each other in the first meeting which makes their later connection seem more authentic. I cannot imagine a movie post 1950s in which a man uses these tactics and gets the girl or the sale without difficulty. Of course movies are not real life but they do rely on some verasimilitude.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#593

Post by thitran »

lurker616 wrote: post #233

Am I too pessimistic, or did anyone else notice the fact that you got everything you wanted with 'the only other asian guy'. Race matters in friendships more than we realize? I feel if it was a gym full of asian people (or a neighborhood with more asians) it would be way easier for you to socialize and make new friends.

Wow this is a really cool thought! I never thought about whether I or the other Asian guy was biased toward each other. Jtarii is right that I mostly approached him because it's slightly unusual for someone to be Asian at my gym and it would be easy to bond over. I think being the same race can help but it's ultimately up to the people in the friendship. Most of the other Asian people I talked to didn't really initiate more conversations after the first converation, unlike "the other Asian guy"

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#594

Post by mlmonkey »

talkingtab wrote: post #506

I have found three strange and unexpected avenues for interacting with people. 1. Be on a quest. Yes a quest. I was trying to buy an old metal key as a gift for a friend. I wanted to find someone who sold sheep's milk (for making cheese). If you are on a quest it gives a context for an interaction. You both have something to talk about and it you both have an out: the answer. People almost always help you with a ques…

In my travels, I've found old grandmas as the best people to interact with. In most cultures, those poor old ladies are mostly ignored anyways, so they're always happy to talk to you even if they don't speak your language. Of course they can spot fake a mile away, so be genuine. I was traveling in Italy and had a blast "chatting" with grannies on the streets. Same in Armenia. And Belgium.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#595

Post by chrisweekly »

alexmuresan wrote: post #98
mtlynch wrote: post #80

One of the things I like about this is that OP is giving people genuine compliments without any particular agenda. It reminds me of one of my favorite parts of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, where he tells a story about complimenting someone, and a student asks what he was hoping to gain from offering the compliment. Carnegie is incensed: > I was waiting in line to register a letter in the…

I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. I know it's very shallow on my side, but I somehow crystallized this opinion based on a few acquaintances that claimed to read it and instead that they include the name of a person they just met in every sentence because it made that person like them more. Your commen…

"Focus on becoming a better person" is the chief lesson I took away from it. Easier said than done, but the 7 habits seem like good ones to me.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#596

Post by DeRock »

rootusrootus wrote: post #569
DeRock wrote: post #429

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> that pretty girl? a slut who's been had by half the guys in there. I'm not going to comment on the rest, but this is a gross and misogynistic remark.

Is it any worse than the anecdotes about the guys beating their wife and kids? It is a bit offensive, but on the other hand, if we are being honest real life often is. I do not think we should go out of our way to offend people, but neither should we go out of our way to be offended.

If you equate being sexually promiscuous with beating your children, then you have some serious self reflection to do on your moral compass.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#597

Post by thitran »

ge96 wrote: post #168

Is kind of sad reading the aftermath "never saw em again" kind of thing or "don't interact" Shared interest is a main driver and frequency of interaction/seeing each other... like you become friends at school since you see each other everyday kind of thing Shared interest, I've recently gotten into cars though I still ride the clapped out POS and someone was showing me their Porsche, sat in it, pretty cool. But I see…

In hindsight a lottt of the "don't interact" is more like we say hi when we're near each other but I'm not initiating more conversations. I'm down to talk but I'm letting them start the conversation if they want to. I updated the article to be more clear

I get reels nonstop too

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#598

Post by thitran »

SoftTalker wrote: post #324
happyweasel wrote: post #189

You go to the gym to lift. Not to talk. You may talk shortly if it is related to something you need to continue your workout. Apart from that you do not talk. End of story.

Varies wildly. Some people are there with this attitude. For others it's more of a social time with occasional breaks to do a workout set.

Yes! Looking back there were lots of people who chatted in between sets. I just never realized

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#599

Post by thitran »

chakintosh wrote: post #320

Great timing. I used to see a guy at the gym for a few months, we always go at the same time, and one day he approached me to correct my form, we had a chat and we kept meeting in the gym for a few months after that and until yesterday I mustered the courage to even ask him his name. Literally didn't even know his name for months, so yesterday I asked and got his number to catch up later.

omggg let me know when you get married

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#600

Post by Titan2189 »

morganw wrote: post #545
nozzlegear wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. FWIW this book came out in the 1930s, long before "red pilling" was a thing. I've read it before and it's not about manipulating people unless you consider being a genuinely sincere person to be manipulative in some way. It's a good book, if a little outdated, and,…

> FWIW this book came out in the 1930s, long before "red pilling" was a thing. but long after The Prince was a thing. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Prince

I've only heard of the Red Pill in reference to the Matrix. Does it have that idea from "The Prince"?
Post reply on HN