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The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

city-journal.org

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Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#581

Post by mjevans »

Recipe for solving loneliness and increasing the odds of "successful marriages" (which is really what this article seems focused on conveying as a problem).

Build a successful community:

    * Enough housing, at reasonable cost
    * Enough jobs to "employ" all adults
    * Good jobs, fitting the skills of workers
    * Stable jobs, that aren't a gig or contract
    * Career jobs, with a future in the area
    * Good transit mesh
    * More diverse third places / third spaces
Right now transit sucks, zoning sucks, housing options suck, and decades of trying to manage things from the consumption side have lead the supply side to be crazy in all sorts of aspects. Since markets aren't free (zoning laws, all sorts of other regulations) active maintenance is not just desirable from a ripple smoothing standpoint, it's actually required from a systemic viewpoint. There are also too many areas of uncertainty on the supply side; cases where things fail because of those who already got their happiness.

Japan's "nuisance" based zoning is better (#1), if a project fits within an area's limits and passes environmental/other planning review it can be done. Their transit structure is also partly funded by the "taxes" involved with the rail companies also owning the land around the stations (which ends up falling in to the higher end of the nuisance classes and gets the shopping centers, hotels, and denser apartments built on it); but that could happen here too if we actually had civic planning, taxes, and open book accountability that could tie taxes to spending and involved politicians/companies in people's minds.

I'm also in favor of a //long term// plan for establishing an expanding zone of high quality (Japanese subway/rail style) transit that has frequent, on time, predictable service. This would spread out from city centers over time and would involve interface and storage silos (for cars, and big stuff). Critically this should start with first improving transit, then adding the interface silos that adapt legacy infrastructure to the city-core infrastructure, and only then getting the cars out of the city; entirely. Aside from maybe an underground network for deliveries and emergency transport.

Finally, because the market is so screwed up with respect to available housing in the areas that need it, emergency remediation should be instituted and reviewed until the crisis is resolved. That would probably start with a short-table evaluation of rezoning, and even loans if at least 70% of the units were intended for median in the state's population income and at least 10% for those making "minimum wage" (the lesser of state and city values).

A land-value based tax should also be instituted to encourage the evolution of a zone over time rather than keeping historic single dwelling housing just because it made sense 50-100 years ago.

#1 http://urbankchoze.blogspot.com/2014/04/japanese-zoning.html #1 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=8540845

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#584

Post by basementcat »

hi5eyes wrote: post #553
blfr wrote: post #549

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You, too, can strike up a conversation with a total stranger at a bus station and it doesn't have to feel weird. It is, however, likely to be short because people are so unused to it in the atomized west that, if you don't carry the whole conversation, they simply won't know what to say.

its definitely fucking weird to randomly strike up a convo with a random at a bus station, fuck are you on?

Random convos at bus stations are the best convos.

Especially if the bus is late and the wifi/cellular service is lousy.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#585

Post by chc »

blfr wrote: post #549
sakopov wrote: post #514

Man, the older I get the more I realize that life is always a balancing act. I immigrated from a 3rd world country (probably a 2nd world now) 20 years ago with my parents. Both of my parents were engineers and both were paid about once a year by their employer because nobody had any money. So we were broke and poor my entire childhood. And yet we always had friends visiting us. There were always celebrations. Seemed…

You, too, can strike up a conversation with a total stranger at a bus station and it doesn't have to feel weird. It is, however, likely to be short because people are so unused to it in the atomized west that, if you don't carry the whole conversation, they simply won't know what to say.

Your second sentence seems to contradict the "it doesn't have to feel weird" part of the first.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#586

Post by tracker1 »

residentfoam wrote: post #106

I have been lucky enough to be able to work and live in several countries around the world. One thing in common I noticed in all these places is that guys and girls don't have time and don't want to commit to a stable long relation. They invest pretty much themselves and their time in their career, traveling , parties, dogs, cats and bitcoins :) ! The mantra is to get rich and retire at 40 years old! Travel the world…

Along a similar note... kids are for the young. When you're in your 20's it's MUCH easier to play with young kids and at least try to keep up as it is when you're in your 40's.

There's also something to be said for averting hookup culture and actually trying to build a relationship as opposed to ejecting at the first sign of inconvenience.

I say both of these things as a twice divorced 40-something that hasn't had kids of his own and deeply regrets it.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#587

Post by jeremyjh »

merpnderp wrote: post #304
40acres wrote: post #199

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I heard someone describe this as the "capstone" vs "conerstone" model. Previous generations got married and had kids much earlier, and built their lives off of that cornerstone. When it comes to me personally and my peers, we see marriage and children more as a capstone -- something to be done once our student loan is paid, or when we're ready to put a down payment on a house, when we get that promotion, etc.

I'm still in awe that starting off your life with massive student loans is a thing. This is almost always a very poor decision as there are tons of cheap regional schools where a part time job can mostly get you through school with very little debt. And yet we've got a generation of new adults starting life under crushing debt that purchased them something of dubious value (an expensive degree versus a cheap one). My…

> tons of cheap regional school

That is how it was when I first went away to college in 1994; I think I paid around $3k a year tuition at University of Missouri. I started planning a 529 for my kids this week and was shocked to find that in state tuition here (South Carolina) is $15K a year for just tuition and fees. I'm scared to imagine what it will be in ten years.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#588

Post by oneepic »

Going in the opposite direction, this means it's generally becoming more likely for the people you meet (even if you meet very briefly) to not have any real close friends, people to hang out with, etc. Therefore, if you're feeling lonely yourself, it sounds like a great idea to ask a bunch of people you meet to all hang out together. It might give everyone some relief.

I've been on the fence about trying to put together a friend group and see who fits at my new workplace, since I started with a bunch of other newbies that seemed relatively nervous. I think I'll ask them if they wanna hang out.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#589

Post by hi41 »

ismail-khan wrote: post #352
residentfoam wrote: post #106

I have been lucky enough to be able to work and live in several countries around the world. One thing in common I noticed in all these places is that guys and girls don't have time and don't want to commit to a stable long relation. They invest pretty much themselves and their time in their career, traveling , parties, dogs, cats and bitcoins :) ! The mantra is to get rich and retire at 40 years old! Travel the world…

> They are so used to live their own lives that they have extremely hard time compromising any part of it. Reminds me of this passage from The Brothers Karamazov: > “I heard exactly the same thing, a long time ago to be sure, from a doctor,” the elder remarked. “He was then an old man, and unquestionably intelligent. He spoke just as frankly as you, humorously, but with a sorrowful humor. ‘I love mankind,’ he said, ‘…

Nice quote. Does the author tell why he ends up hating a human when he loves humanity. I think I too have that problem. I look at all the TED talks and think I should love humanity but I have a bad husband to my wife and a bad father to my kids. tia.
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