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‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

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Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#581

Post by MRD85 »

JimboOmega wrote: post #575
neetdeth wrote: post #471

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're trying to contort a mate selection process that has an inherently sexual-reproductive basis (for most people) into an exercise in platonic pair bonding. It doesn't make sense as such, and it isn't supposed to. People are seeking fulfillment of motivations that are fundamentally evolutionary in nature. For everything else, we have friendship. (Setting aside the evolutionary advantages of e.g. male coalition-bui…

From my perspective: Bullshit. I am someone who exists outside of evolution's traditional goals. I'm a transwoman, and predominantly lesbian at that. In all honesty, I'm so far outside the norm (even for a transwoman) that it causes most people I date not to have a script for it; the usual reaction is for them to become "starry eyed" and metaphorically eat out of my hand. This is extra bizarre to me, as someone who u…

I get where you are coming from but attraction is still a thing. I'm a guy and for me, physical attraction is a minimum standard that loses value after the minimum is met. Once someone reaches the standards for the physical attraction I value other traits vastly more. These physical standards aren't even all that hard to meet if someone looks after themselves.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#582

Post by MRD85 »

pdimitar wrote: post #514
MRD85 wrote: post #201

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>To my eye, the real problem is finding the correct perspective -- the one at which an optimum lies at an extreme. Something which has brought a lot of happiness to my life and dramatically changed the way I live is taking responsibility for my own happiness and life choices. I used to spin my wheels and drift through life but at 30 I was diagnosed with cancer. It's a long story and it turned out to not be serious, a…

I commend you for finding the way to live to the fullest. And I am envious. I have no impending doom looming above my head and I feel that this really makes me slow and feeling that I have time. I am 38 now and I am pretty aware that my time is ticking away. But there's always another crysis to salvage... I am trying my very best to crawl out of this hole but it's taking way too long. I feel I lack the very important…

You definitely can't talk someone into having life-changing experiences. In the space of two years I went through:

1) Wife cheating on me 2) Divorce after a year of attempting to make it work 3) A clinically diagnosed major depressive episode (mainly brought on by the wife stuff but also some unresolved personal issues) 4) Cancer diagnosis

These years were incredibly formative, despite happening at ~30 years of age. The years since have seen me take control of my own life in ways I would never have before. If I want something I find a way to make it work.

One thing that helps me now is I don't worry about things. There is typically always a way out of a shit situation if you're willing to work for it. I don't know your personal situation but I recommend trying to be grateful for what you've got, set a 5-year plan for what you work and start doing the things you need to do for that 5-year plan (even if they're difficult and don't pay off for a long time). Treat your future self as someone to whom you're going to give a great gift.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#583

Post by amorphous »

I had a similar experience, travelled a lot, many different jobs, changing relationships - but I see myself as a success, would not want to change that experience for anything. In my 40s now with kids and loving wife - still moving jobs and countries (but with my family this time) I couldn't be happier.

Yes, I had periods of desperations and self-doubts but I would have had those also had I stayed in the same place focussing on the "career ladder". I'm happy I following my urge to see the world and embrace chaotic life.

"Wasted live" is nothing but a question of perspective.

I don't have debt though - that part is indeed worrisome.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#584

Post by MRD85 »

pizzazzaro wrote: post #474
nostromo wrote: post #10

I think the parents of many 20 and 30-somethings played a role in so many young(ish) adults failing to launch. American parents could learn a thing or two about parenting from previous generations and from a lot of immigrant families: nobody owes you anything, plan for a rainy day, find a partner you love and commit to them, work hard, cherish friends and family even when it's difficult, etc. I think parenting has ov…

You sound like someone who has never experienced poverty. Meanwhile, the original prompt of the inciting content has... Two days' hotel stay of savings. That's what this is about. The lack of meaning, the alienation after being told "we could be anything we want" when we grow up, to having no choice but to settle for careers in "whatever almost pays bills" since the collapse of 2008. We're bitter. We're ashamed of wh…

>If we're technically minded? I'm mad that I dont see more hacktivists.

If you're skilled enough to be a hacktivist that can contribute significantly than you're also skilled enough to find well-paying work and you won't become bitter.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#585

Post by MRD85 »

thwy12321 wrote: post #351
J-dawg wrote: post #328

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Of all the elephants in the room when it comes to modern tech-enabled dating, this is possibly the biggest and ugliest. The thought of ending up as one of those husbands genuinely makes my skin crawl. Imagine the woman you adore secretly resenting you for not measuring up to those alpha dudes she met on Tinder and dated for a few weeks at a time. I sometimes wonder if we’ll see total change in relationship dynamics i…

The weird thing is most people will call you a misogynist for bringing this up. I would argue that in most major US cities there is already a large "harem" dynamic. It's mostly invisible to the general population, but quite obvious if you're friends with men in the top 1 to 2% of dating potential.

One of my friends at work is like this. He just keeps tripping over and finding women. He's been at work just this year and has been involved with nearly every available woman (and some that aren't), he plays football on the weekends and has the women involved in the club throwing themselves at him, etc. In any one week, he is courting literally 5-8 women despite the fact he does nothing to go out and meet them. It's like every woman in his social circles gravitates towards him. This year he's had 3 women break up with their boyfriends to chase him! It's crazy.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#586

Post by Beskz »

sneakernets wrote: post #215
MisterBastahrd wrote: post #199

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Boomers didn't just reject the old way of parenting. They rejected anything which didn't improve the bottom line for them individually. There has never been a more self-important, self-centered generation.

Don't forget that they give advice they never followed themselves. If a millennial loses a once-profitable career due to sudden market shifts, "that's his fault for not persuing additional skills". But if a Boomer loses a job, it's never their fault.

As a relatively "young" person (teen) I feel as if I subconsciously witness or experience this all the time. However I'm not fully aware of what exactly took place that ultimately got us to where we are today e.g., boomers and their effects on modern society, aside from people wanting to have sex/kids after WW2.

I've been getting really into history recently so if anyone has any resources on the socio economic impact of other generations, specifically boomers, please let me know!

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#587

Post by repolfx »

hoaw wrote: post #338
freehunter wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel similarly with the differences between me and my family vs my wife and her family. I grew up not desperately poor, but with only just enough money to get by. In the late 90s we had a computer, a basic Windows 95 machine with dial-up and about 1/4 of the RAM/CPU that modern machines had, but we had one. That's about all we had for modern comforts, which I think forced me to be laser-focused on one activity. The…

If your only had a piano, instead of a computer, your story wouldn't be particularly convincing. People who grew up with a computer, before most other people had one, were lucky to find a rapidly growing industry. Most other people are getting very little for their single focus.

Maybe. My brother had access to a computer and a piano. For a while he was big into computer graphics and everyone in my family thought he'd be a graphics designer. He ended up becoming singularly focussed on music and is now a professional music producer. We're quite similar, we're both very focussed on a single skill and have reached professional levels in our respective areas.

So I'm not sure that sort of life is an inherent quality of growing up with a computer. It's perfectly possible to push through the hard parts and find a passion with music.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#588

Post by repolfx »

ta3216 wrote: post #355
kerryfalk wrote: post #293

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We didn't have Fortnite but we had many other venues for entertainment on computers: MUDs, Ultima, DOOM, Duke Nukem 3D, Wolfenstein, Wing Commander, etc. etc. The list goes on. My early family life resembled the parent's. The difference in my case and related to your point wasn't the absence of distractions it was to get at them I had to learn how to make the damn computer work. I once tricked my 286 into thinking it…

Well, now kids would be learning about overclocking video cards, messing with refresh rates, optimizing their gaming mouse etc. Same idea. I had Zork and PAC man growing up and while I enjoyed it I wasn’t completely addicted to it possibly because the graphics, multi player gaming etc weren’t there yet. It does bother me seeing my son play fortnite rather than learning python etc like I’d have been inclined to do if…

I think all parents stress about video games. Mine did. Sometimes I'd get a new game and play it incessently. Eventually I'd get bored and go back to programming. If someone is interested in the topic fun games won't stop them exploring it, I'm sure.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#589

Post by hoaw »

repolfx wrote: post #587
hoaw wrote: post #338

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If your only had a piano, instead of a computer, your story wouldn't be particularly convincing. People who grew up with a computer, before most other people had one, were lucky to find a rapidly growing industry. Most other people are getting very little for their single focus.

Maybe. My brother had access to a computer and a piano. For a while he was big into computer graphics and everyone in my family thought he'd be a graphics designer. He ended up becoming singularly focussed on music and is now a professional music producer. We're quite similar, we're both very focussed on a single skill and have reached professional levels in our respective areas. So I'm not sure that sort of life is…

As far as I know that is a similar deal. Knowing how software works is an essential part of being a music producer today. You would have great benefit from already having extensive experience with a software suite. The same isn't true if he had been dedicated to music and dancing. People don't generally lack dedication so much as they lack opportunities. Learning about computers gives you opportunities, learning about something else might not.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#590

Post by swarnie_ »

andyidsinga wrote: post #78

Anyone else read the Dear Polly part ...and just couldn't bring themselves to the Dear Haunted / advice part? I felt like just trying to sit in that situation; sort of ponder the whole thing without coming to any conclusions. How many people do I know who could be Haunted? How many times have I been Haunted myself? What got me out of that space? I just couldn't read the advice part. I think to the points when I've be…

I've done exactly the same thing as you, read the Dear Polly part but couldn't get though the rest.

Since im replying to your comment you can assume i have worked through a couple of 100 replies here.

The situation is a little close to home and has left me with an overwhelming feeling of dread.

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