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I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

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Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#571

Post by _DeadFred_ »

UncleMeat wrote: post #518
ReptileMan wrote: post #446

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

The "separate graduation ceremonies" were not that. A group of people from a black student group celebrating is not the same as separate graduation ceremonies. These kids also attended to the main ceremony. I'm visibly jewish and have been attending pride events and lgbt activist events for ages. I've never even heard of what you describe.

Dyke March New York City has banned Zionists this year. Organizers can’t agree on what that means.

https://19thnews.org/2025/05/dyke-march-2025-new-york-city-z...

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#573

Post by unhappy_meaning »

msgodel wrote: post #379
keiferski wrote: post #173

This idea appears every once in awhile, as it’s obviously a major issue in modern life. The interesting thing though is how the solution is always location-agnostic. By that I mean it’s never really about a specific cafe or restaurant or soccer field, it’s always an app or service that organizes people to show up in various places. I bring this up because if you look at places that had lively social activities a few…

Many of us are alone and not lonely and I think most men who feel "lonely" are lying to themselves about what socialization really is.

Yup, a lot of the men who are lonely are also a bit of an outcast whether it's self-imposed because of their warped sense of socialization or they're ostracized because they have weird takes on life issues or just life itself.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#574

Post by ryandrake »

LargeWu wrote: post #539
piltdownman wrote: post #340

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Spot on. This is immediately evident at Primary School level, whereby normative female behaviour for that age is seen as the ideal. As psychologist Michael Thompson puts it “Girl behavior is the gold standard in schools. Boys are treated like defective girls". In the US by the 8th grade, 48 percent of girls receive a mix of A and B grades compared to 31 percent of boys. More tellingly, Boys account for 71 percent of…

Have you ever seen teenage boys? A lot of them are basically quasi-feral owing to the newly elevated levels of testosterone unleashed on their brains which are still a long way from being fully baked. I don't know that "girls" remains the gold standard so much as girls are more able to conform to broader behavioral expectations. This is not to say teenage girls are immune from hormonal-driven behavior issues, but it…

This sounds right. It's not like girls are being deemed "the gold standard." Instead, there's an existing set of behavioral expectations, as you put it, and girls (for whatever reasons) just happen to have an easier time conforming to these expectations.

If societal expectations are things like: kindness, respect, agreeableness, calmness, paying attention, not talking back, not fighting, and so on... and girls tend to conform to these while boys tend not to, that doesn't necessarily indicate a conspiracy against boys.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#575

Post by _DeadFred_ »

lurk2 wrote: post #451
keiferski wrote: post #173

This idea appears every once in awhile, as it’s obviously a major issue in modern life. The interesting thing though is how the solution is always location-agnostic. By that I mean it’s never really about a specific cafe or restaurant or soccer field, it’s always an app or service that organizes people to show up in various places. I bring this up because if you look at places that had lively social activities a few…

> The neighborhood cafe where locals can stop by at any time and see other locals. The bar that everyone stops by after work twice a week. These are stationary physical locations that don’t require pre-planning, schedules, apps, or anything else. I’ve seen a number a theories on why these spaces declined: 1. Social media became more engaging than actual hangouts. 2. Rising levels of cultural and ethnic diversity lead…

1. True. When I was younger we all went to XYZ coffee shop in large part to see who we ran into there, catch up on gossip, let people know where to come hang that night. With social media you don't have/need that.

3. When I was younger we did item 1 above, but at Denny's late at night after everything shut down. The fact it was a chain didn't seem to impact the hang potential.

4. I grew up in Santa Cruz and it was always an insane asylum and had a homeless problem before having a homeless problem was cool, but it was also always a city full of people hanging out (don't know anymore was forced to move away).

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#576

Post by mrguyorama »

wvh wrote: post #332
notarobot123 wrote: post #283

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The men are there to meet each other, not to avoid women. Gender segregation isn't the point - it's about building relationships.

Don't disagree, but some hard things don't get said when the other gender is around, especially with men of a certain age. It takes a lot for many men to even out loud say the word "lonely" or "sad" or "worthless". A lot of male conversation is silent. The whole spiel is to project and feel capable of dealing with the world, to feel useful, to be a Man. To feel otherwise is not "masculine". To admit this to mixed com…

>A lot of male conversation is silent.

No it isn't! Men need to talk about their feelings just as much as women! There isn't some major difference in how we handle emotions!

We are all human, and humans are emotional creatures.

So many men need to Grow the Fuck Up and realize that being vulnerable is not the same as being weak. You need to be talking to your friends or confidants about your feelings.

>To feel otherwise is not "masculine"

Wrong. If you need to project a constant air of competence and stoicism and power, you are insecure and emotionally stunted.

I blame media honestly. Watch what women protagonists in American media do compared to male protagonists. Watch how male characters just do not talk through their feelings and emotions to other men, except as essentially a crisis point. Watch as women characters are much more likely to talk about how they felt about something.

Meanwhile, outside the US, male characters are allowed to have feelings. The Doctor is an insanely emotional man, full of complicated feelings that he is constantly having to face, and yet is portrayed as a man of immense power and prestige.

What male role model to American men have that portrays emotional development as a good and important thing?

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#577

Post by Bluescreenbuddy »

bradlys wrote: post #198
SoftTalker wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No women at the gym? OK it sounds obvious but you just need to get involved with things where there is female participation and not just dudes. Pottery, book clubs, hiking/biking groups, cooking groups, dance lessons, various volunteer groups, even church, etc. But it has to be stuff you're genuinely interested in regardless. Nothing will come off worse than a new guy who's clearly there just to meet women (although,…

The times have changed. Meeting your spouse in person is pretty uncommon for educated white collar workers in nyc like myself. Almost everyone I know has met their partner off a dating app in the last few years. It’s exhausting. I’m also uniquely ugly and that’s my main issue. So, again, times are different. Huge emphasis on looks above all other features. Attraction precedes curiosity.

>I’m also uniquely ugly

I need to see this. For science

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#578

Post by _DeadFred_ »

seb1204 wrote: post #488
nothercastle wrote: post #477

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Real estate is too expensive in the USA. To stay profitable you need to turn customers around quickly

But not on a park bench or park area with tables?

In the US homeless people might sit on park benches and be seen so benches are sloped to be uncomfortable for more than short periods. Benches are intended as a temporary rest for those that need it as they walk, not a place to just sit and chill.

My area's solution is we don't have parks, we have public land trusts that are actually private property and can ban people. They're pretty nice for those of us allowed.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#579

Post by redtaperat »

“Solve the straight male loneliness epidemic.”

FTFY. Gay men have many more community options. Not sure why, but we just do togetherness inherently.

Glad to see this though. It can only be solved by the people in the epidemic but it only takes the effort of a handful of organizers in the community/town/city to jumpstart events and hit critical mass. I’ve organized things on meetup and it takes persistence. Good luck!

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