Being ambitious and being a dad • Hacker News Board

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#561

Post by ryan_n » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 2:35 PM UTC

spicyusername wrote: post #398

The older I get the more I realize ambition and "being ambitious" is a completely misplaced way to orient your life. The chance of validation from others is not a good reason for making one choice or another and a life made of choices of that kind will eventually leave you spiritually bankrupt. Make decisions based on what you're passionate about, based on what will bring and keep meaningful relationships into your l…

> The older I get the more I realize ambition and "being ambitious" is a completely misplaced way to orient your life.

> Make decisions based on what you're passionate about, based on what will bring and keep meaningful relationships into your life, based on what will leave you with habits that take you outside, into the sun, moving your body and eating healthy, and, sure, that will afford you the ability to pay for those things.

Most people are ambitious about one or more of those things.

> Making decisions based on what will make you more "successful" will make you a slave to others approval

Again, many of the things you listed above will make people more "successful".

> Also, if you pick the right partner, having kids does all the good things in life at once. It is the most efficient way to get yourself into the good life possible.

This is a broad generalization that does not apply to everyone.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#562

Post by nlitened » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 2:35 PM UTC

tayo42 wrote: post #517

nlitened wrote: post #289

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Man, re-read this comment in 10 years

If I have Internet still sure. You got any of those job things to spare btw?

I didn’t like what the market was offering, and I didn’t like depending on other people not firing me, so I made one for myself where I can work on what I like the way I like (started a small software business).

You can, too. It’s the simplest and cheapest business to start in the entire history of humankind, and you literally just sit with your laptop at home all day pressing buttons

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#563

Post by afavour » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 2:36 PM UTC

spicyusername wrote: post #398

The older I get the more I realize ambition and "being ambitious" is a completely misplaced way to orient your life. The chance of validation from others is not a good reason for making one choice or another and a life made of choices of that kind will eventually leave you spiritually bankrupt. Make decisions based on what you're passionate about, based on what will bring and keep meaningful relationships into your l…

While I agree with everything you say... I'd sure like to earn more money. It would make my life better and my kid's lives better. The surest path to achieving that is to be ambitious in the workplace. It's something I find myself constantly conflicted on.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#564

Post by spicyusername » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 2:36 PM UTC

ryan_n wrote: post #561

spicyusername wrote: post #398

The older I get the more I realize ambition and "being ambitious" is a completely misplaced way to orient your life. The chance of validation from others is not a good reason for making one choice or another and a life made of choices of that kind will eventually leave you spiritually bankrupt. Make decisions based on what you're passionate about, based on what will bring and keep meaningful relationships into your l…

> The older I get the more I realize ambition and "being ambitious" is a completely misplaced way to orient your life. > Make decisions based on what you're passionate about, based on what will bring and keep meaningful relationships into your life, based on what will leave you with habits that take you outside, into the sun, moving your body and eating healthy, and, sure, that will afford you the ability to pay for…

Do the things for the things in themselves.

Don't do the things to be able to say you were someone who did the things.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#565

Post by glitchc » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 2:42 PM UTC

amouat wrote: post #421

spicyusername wrote: post #398

The older I get the more I realize ambition and "being ambitious" is a completely misplaced way to orient your life. The chance of validation from others is not a good reason for making one choice or another and a life made of choices of that kind will eventually leave you spiritually bankrupt. Make decisions based on what you're passionate about, based on what will bring and keep meaningful relationships into your l…

I don't disagree, except that you've taken ambitious to mean climbing the corporate ladder, which is a relatively narrow reading. It can also mean wanting a achieve a large dream or goal e.g. writing a book.

I think the OP's logic applies. Every author is hoping their book is a best-seller and/or wins awards i.e. the approval of others.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#566

Post by cflewis » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 2:44 PM UTC

Daneel_ wrote: post #530

psim1 wrote: post #484

I felt successful before I had kids. Satisfying, upward-moving career; happy marriage; lots of travel; volunteering in multiple organizations. I liked all these things, succeeded in them, people liked me, etc. As a dad, I feel like a total loser. All of the aforementioned are diminished or put entirely on hold (travel, most volunteering). I'm medicore at everything, except parenting, in which I am successful at keepi…

I fully empathise. It feels like my career went from upwards to a horizontal line. I have far less energy for work, for learning, and for the things I'm interested in. It's incredibly demoralising. I dread weekends and look forward to school drop-offs - what kind of life is that?

I don't care about my career so much, but the weekend and school dropoff thing resonates hard.

Work is the only part of my life where I feel any sort of competency. Anything else I'm just a ship on a stormy sea being battered around. I can change the sails and move the rudder, but the sea takes me where it wants me to go anyway.

The joke was "welcome to your vacation" when people got back from paternity leave for their new kid. I don't think I ever left that vacation.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#567

Post by jasonmp85 » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 2:44 PM UTC

ryan_n wrote: post #561

spicyusername wrote: post #398

The older I get the more I realize ambition and "being ambitious" is a completely misplaced way to orient your life. The chance of validation from others is not a good reason for making one choice or another and a life made of choices of that kind will eventually leave you spiritually bankrupt. Make decisions based on what you're passionate about, based on what will bring and keep meaningful relationships into your l…

> The older I get the more I realize ambition and "being ambitious" is a completely misplaced way to orient your life. > Make decisions based on what you're passionate about, based on what will bring and keep meaningful relationships into your life, based on what will leave you with habits that take you outside, into the sun, moving your body and eating healthy, and, sure, that will afford you the ability to pay for…

[dead]

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#568

Post by poncho_romero » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 2:47 PM UTC

keeda wrote: post #211

triceratops wrote: post #147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's only unhealthy if you get hungry.

Wellllll, kind of... I've realized hunger is often just another habit because we're used to eating N meals a day, like the GP comment implies. I've done a quasi OMAD (1-meal a day) thing on-and-off for 3+ years now and don't feel hungry the rest of the time, given my current physical activity levels. It took a few days to get used to, but now I can start and stop OMAD on demand. I'd recommend everyone try fasting and…

I did fasting for a while, usually fasting for 16+ hours and eating 1-2 meals in the eight hour feeding window, but eventually stopped in favour of working out. I'd like to be able to lift while also fasting, but I'm worried that (1) I'd struggle to hit my protein targets and (2) only eating during a small window each day would hurt muscle growth.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#569

Post by mysterydip » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 2:48 PM UTC

wat10000 wrote: post #548

mysterydip wrote: post #485

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was on the fence for a long time as well. It just looked like a lot of work. And not to sugar coat it, it _is_ a lot of work. But it’s also been so rewarding. You get to see someone experience things for the first time, like riding a bike or eating a tomato. Teaching them it’s ok to have feelings, helping them overcome their fears, watching them make friends. Giving them the advice I wished I had heard from someone…

To offer a contrasting opinion, I was on the fence, went for it, and it was a big mistake. Unfortunately, it's impossible to be sure what it'll be like until you try it. And there's no undo button. I would strongly recommend not having children until you're absolutely sure you want to.

Absolutely agree! There are people that parenting is not a good fit, for various reasons. And it does a disservice to both the parent and the child.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#570

Post by apparent » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 2:54 PM UTC

ron_woods wrote: post #503

Sorry if this offends anyone but why must we choose between having a great career and being a great parent. Why is it a zero-sum game? Want to be great at something neglect your children to do so. Want to be a great parent, fine you have a mediocre career. From the article you are ambitious about building things. Well guess what children are, the ultimate piece of clay from which you get a front row seat to mold. If…

> why must we choose between having a great career and being a great parent

Because there is a limited number of hours in the day? That doesn't mean that one cannot do both at the same time, at times. It doesn't even mean that having kids can't also make you a better founder in some ways. But I think most people recognize that the large time demands of being a founder take away more from one's ability to build than they contribute (in terms of extra motivation or perspective).