Live data from Hacker News

I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

561–570 of 728 posts

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#561

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is there a common thread between the men you describe beyond their gender? I haven't experienced what you described since I was socializing with programmers and scientists on the East Coast. Now most of the men I socialize with are artists (at least part time) and IT generalists in the Midwest.

That's difficult to say. Right now, my cohort is mainly other dads at my kids school, so we're all busy and kind of tired. I want to make friends, but it's hard to find people that are (1) available and (2) friendly. Full disclosure, I have insecurities too: I've got zero interest in trying to make friends in a group where I feel like I'll be judged or looked down upon for whatever. I still socialize, and I've learne…

You put it in perfect words.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#562
post #526

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>You'll hear left wing progressive parents in places like NYC tell stories like "my 8 year old boy came home from school crying because his teacher told hime everything bad that has happened in history was because of men" and stupid stuff that's unthinkable if it was reversed. People are bashing their heads on the wall trying to figure out why young white men are moving towards the right in droves...and the best answ…

You don't think it could be becasue life is just hard and someone is providing an easy scapegoat for their own problems?

My son was the gentlest soul. He did city year to help inner city youth with their schooling. He has a very liberal sexuality. He loves and accepts everyone.

He has gone over to the dark side and I am heartbroken. The final straw was he built up a business from scratch, with the laid out plan that if he got it running and was successful he would run it. Once it was all successfully running the promise was broken and he was passed up because he was a white male (this was explicitly the reason. The business was in a high minority area and they felt it would look bad having a non-local white man running things as the product's identity was in part it's location). He dedicated years of his life sacrificing building a career somewhere else getting this off the ground and an explicit promise that was broken purely because of his skin color/gender once his usefulness/startup level effort and dedication had made the business successful enough that they could replace him.

After having to move cross country back home to restart his life purely because he was a white male (and in spite of him having been successful at building the business) he very much sees the world as white males versus the left that hates/betrays him. Remember this kid gave up a year to do city year to help raise disadvantaged minority youth up (and did many, many other things before deciding things were rigged against him).

He is not scapegoating anyone, and that you judge someone's view of the world being a character flaw on their part instantly instead of trying to have any empathy, is fucking gross to be honest. Do you think people with your opinion are being intentionally obtuse out of some sort of racism on their part (they feel uncomfortable with empathy for white males), or because they just lack empathy? My last statement is as valid as your sentence above and as helpful/insightful are yours (which is zero).

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#563

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's great that you have a good social life, but calling this problem illusory based on just your anecdotal experience is just denying reality when you look at statistics: > 52% of Americans report feeling lonely while 47% report their relationships with others are not meaningful > 55% of London residents say they feel lonely > Social isolation is a problem in Europe: 18% of its citizens, the equivalent of 75 million…

These all have the smell of “50% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck” type nonsense and there are sufficient counter findings that I don’t think there’s any good evidence here https://news.gallup.com/poll/470888/americans-largely-satisf... I think I’m likely correct. This is a manufactured crisis like seed oils, or ADHD and autism diagnoses. Nothing is actually getting worse.

One can be largely satisfied with their situation but still be lonely or just not particularly happy & fulfilled. Higher satisfaction with one's income can mean more loneliness because of work hours etc.

The number of births per woman has been declining for decades worldwide, in cases like South Korea it's collapsing massively. That has many reasons, but it's obviously linked to loneliness and relationships.

> This is a manufactured crisis like seed oils, or ADHD and autism diagnoses

More ADHD and autism diagnoses aren't a crisis, they're an improvement in detection and diagnosis and overall life quality of the affected people.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#564

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s not always location-agnostic, but you’re more likely to hear about location-agnostic efforts because they have further reach. For instance Men’s Sheds are a local effort with a thousand locations in the UK: > Men’s Sheds encourage people to come together to make, repair and repurpose, supporting projects in their local communities. Improving wellbeing, reducing loneliness and combatting social isolation. > Resea…

The men are there to meet each other, not to avoid women. Gender segregation isn't the point - it's about building relationships.

[deleted]

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#565
post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I guess my hot-take is there are certain things that people genuinely love (e.g. improv, dnd, video games, rock-climbing) perception be damned, and there are certain things that people do because they are socially acceptable stereotypes for males: drink craft beer, whiskey, poker, grilling, sports? And that it's about 20x easier to make real friends from the former than the latter. Brah that's just your experience.…

> conspiracy theory ? We all live in this interconnected thing called a "culture." Maybe you've heard of it. It affects what we all do it at all times, the clothes we wear, what we value, who we strive to be, and where we spend most of our money. In fact, some people would even give up their lives if the cultural pressure told them to. I bet most people are so heavily subjected to the pressures of cultures that they…

Do you legitimately believe people only pretend to enjoy those activities because of peer pressure?

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#566

This idea appears every once in awhile, as it’s obviously a major issue in modern life. The interesting thing though is how the solution is always location-agnostic. By that I mean it’s never really about a specific cafe or restaurant or soccer field, it’s always an app or service that organizes people to show up in various places. I bring this up because if you look at places that had lively social activities a few…

There's something irreplaceable about place-based community

Probably that's just how we were wired. I'm probably often guilty of invoking an appeal to nature [1] when it comes to these things, but it's striking to me how few people who exist in modern society have the capacity to acknowledge that to live in this society is to entirely live within an experiment whose parameters have evolved from generation to generation over the past few centuries. We do not think critically enough about which of the technologies that "enhance" our lives actually enhance them. If personal automobiles are good for us, then to what end are they good? If social media is good for us, then to what end is it good? When you go beyond the first or second question, you start to realize the societal good is dubious at best.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Appeal_to_nature

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#567

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, it basically changes to men complaining about women. The people with a good sex life end up becoming therapists for the group. Mixed groups on the other hand turn into a soap opera. What is needed is a strong common interest that binds the group beyond these tendencies to stave off the soap opera entropy. The soap opera entropy will always increase with time though until the group dissolves. It is still more sta…

>Yes, it basically changes to men complaining about women. The people with a good sex life end up becoming therapists for the group. Just not true. Men only groups are rarely misogynist, more often they are homophobic in the sense that everyone is trying to imply that everyone else is secretly gay. There is also various forms of dick measuring contests - who can grill better, who caught bigger fish and so on. Also fo…

[flagged]

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#568

Earlier quoted context omitted.

1) Real friends certainly let you be real. And the scene I frequent deeply frowns on unconsensual photography. Most of the events I go to they sticker all the cameras. I love that. I go there for the people not for Instagram. That's not to say nobody takes pics but they do it in a quiet corner so they don't catch anyone by mistake. It makes it very respectful. The stickers are just a reminder so you don't just start…

> Men's weekends" just end up with [...] hanging in front of the TV watching boring sports or crappy porn. How many situations are you in where group consumption of pornography is normal? I've been in very few.

"Everyone knows" a gathering of women will involve a lingerie clad pillow fight and a gathering of men will involve watching porn.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#569

Earlier quoted context omitted.

1) Real friends certainly let you be real. And the scene I frequent deeply frowns on unconsensual photography. Most of the events I go to they sticker all the cameras. I love that. I go there for the people not for Instagram. That's not to say nobody takes pics but they do it in a quiet corner so they don't catch anyone by mistake. It makes it very respectful. The stickers are just a reminder so you don't just start…

Where do you go where they sticker cameras. Seems like my kind of place.

Places where people are doing "weird" shit.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#570

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s not always location-agnostic, but you’re more likely to hear about location-agnostic efforts because they have further reach. For instance Men’s Sheds are a local effort with a thousand locations in the UK: > Men’s Sheds encourage people to come together to make, repair and repurpose, supporting projects in their local communities. Improving wellbeing, reducing loneliness and combatting social isolation. > Resea…

You have selectively quoted that article. Note the last four paragraphs are: >Andrew McNerney, 70, admitted there was initially some resistance to becoming a mixed group. >He said: "There was apprehension, but in all honesty, it's turned out well. >"We [the men] escape now and again [to the quiet room] and have a chat and weigh things up." >But he added: "It's a lovely atmosphere, and it's been good."

> > But he added: "It's a lovely atmosphere, and it's been good."

Which man, who ever wants to get laid again, would be stupid enough to give anything short of an absolutely glowing review about that change to a reporter.

Post reply on HN