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The dating app paradox

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Re: The dating app paradox

#541

Post by shiroiushi »

skissane wrote: post #535
shiroiushi wrote: post #534

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It involved men having sexual relations with other men, right? I'm not sure how different it can be, or why you're putting scare-quotes around it. Anything involving sexual relations between men is anathema to Christian conservatives.

A whole bunch of reasons: (1) was it homosexuality or bisexuality? It is questionable whether the distinction between the two even makes sense in an ancient Greek context (2) it was socially acceptable for a grown man to have relations with a teenage boy, but a grown man having such a relationship with his social equal (another free adult male) was (generally speaking) viewed much more negatively; by contrast, in the…

>I don't see how the views of contemporary Christian conservatives has any inherent relevance to the question of how applicable the word "homosexuality" is to ancient Greece

The entire context of this question is about what "conservative" means, and we're talking about modern American conservatives. It's entirely relevant; you're the one going on a weird tangent about ancient Greece when I merely brought it up to illustrate that mores change over the centuries and between cultures.

Re: The dating app paradox

#542

Post by hnthroaway992 »

shiroiushi wrote: post #532
hnthroaway992 wrote: post #428

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Doesn't that have a slight problem for someone genuinely has no interests whatsoever? For me there are no hobbies, no interests, no experiences, no stories, no partner, and no friends. But I have reason to continue this way, and it grants me a token of solace for the trouble. But what of those as hollow as myself without such incentive? It would seem a painful position to be, existing as a shell of a person but witho…

This sounds like some kind of troll post. But if it isn't, I'd say that if you have nothing to offer a partner, why should you expect anyone to be interested in you as a partner? It's up to you to make yourself a better, more rounded and interesting person to be around. Also, it's hard to imagine anyone has NO interests at all, nor any life experiences, or anything at all really. I mean, you're on HN, so obviously th…

Having no life experiences is true, but there's a little bit of cheating involved, unfortunately. The only memory of childhood I have is a vague impression of a toddler's toy, an egg shaped chicken with a blue bottom that had a bell in it. Everything else? What my room looked like? What route I used to go to school? What my teachers were like? It's all gone now.

My adolescence has mostly gone the same way; I remember dropping a ball from a stairwell for physics class. I know I was in high school but couldn't tell you much more then that. My college days, I that I was in class. But I don't remember anyone's names or faces or events or what tests I took. Only thing I know for sure is that no graduation ceremony occurred. I picked up my diploma from the admin office and then never looked back.

My first real concrete memories are somewhere in between a suicide attempt after graduation, and getting a job. And there's where I've been since for the last 12 or 13 years now. That's more or less the entirety of my life. Almost 40 years of life all of it can be laid out in 3 paragraphs.

Being on HN I think is more because I frankly don't have anything else better to do. Work has slowed down and it's either scroll reddit and HN or... honestly I'm not sure what else. Sleep perhaps?

Re: The dating app paradox

#543

Post by helloplanets »

quantumspandex wrote: post #409
helloplanets wrote: post #393

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Also, women view about 80% of men as unattractive. It is not a normal distribution, as men rate women's attractiveness. No source for a claim like this, on a forum where it's the norm for even the most mundane things? Please link one, would be interested in having a look at the study.

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23060886

Thanks for linking the source.

> At least on OKCupid, women rate 80% of men as below-average attractiveness, while men rate women at right about 50% as below-average and 50% as above-average

is very different from

> Women view about 80% of men as unattractive. It is not a normal distribution, as men rate women's attractiveness.

Pretty confounding to take that sort of a logical leap in a thread that's about the dark patterns, gamification and the highly modified context into which dating apps transform dating inside them.

Re: The dating app paradox

#546

Post by _heimdall »

shiroiushi wrote: post #533
_heimdall wrote: post #453

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm curious, would you support funding to help anyone willing to homeschooled their child as an alternative solution here? I often hear similar arguments for the need to help parents offload certain portions of childcare so they can go to work, I don't know that I've ever really heard any meaningful push to help parents offload work so they can raise their children full-time.

No, why? Why should someone be paid to stay at home with their kids? Homeschooling has no quality control whatsoever--parents can just teach whatever the hell they want, which usually involves a lot of religious BS and skipping over all the science stuff. On top of that, they only teach their own kids. One of the reasons kids go to school is because one teacher can handle a class of 15-30 kids. If we all paid for one…

I ask because, to me, the idea that we should be heavily subsidizing the removal of parents from a child's life while considering parents being more involved a luxury feels very backwards.

You seem to have a base assumption that most people are bad parents and kids would be better off being raised by professionals. You also seem to have an assumption that both you and the state have the right to decide what is best for someone else's child. Maybe those are commonly held assumptions, but I definitely disagree with them and would be concerned that both could lead to a society that looks eerily similar to the Soviet Union.

Re: The dating app paradox

#547

Post by hexodos »

shiroiushi wrote: post #369
nvarsj wrote: post #190

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The way these apps work, you pretty much have to pay as a guy. It's like a club where women get in free. The algorithms will derank you very fast unless you're a 10/10 male, and you will basically get no matches from then on. Most guys who are successful on dating apps are paying for it.

That hasn't been my experience at all, and I definitely don't think I'm a 10/10. I've had absolutely no trouble getting dates. (This does not mean that all the dates were great, or led anywhere BTW; the vast majority were nice enough people but there was no interest on one side or the other.) When I see posts like this, I really wonder if men like you just don't know how to write a decent profile intro/bio and post s…

I have never had a problem getting dates either but if you don't realize you are in the top 20% and having a different experience than most guys, then you are just stupid.

This type of response is so fucking clueless.

Re: The dating app paradox

#548

Post by badcppdev »

Madmallard wrote: post #52
badcppdev wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You matched with and met multiple women so the apps seem to be working as designed. You seem to have an idea of your attractiveness which doesn't match the measurably evidence and yet you discard that evidence. Why? I get the impression that attractiveness is very important to you. Ironically I think that might be a very unattractive trait.

Your reply is not particularly astute nor is it charitable. (1) Perhaps I have also dated not through online dating, where it completely aligns with what I'm saying? (2) Caring that someone is sexually appealing to you... a red flag? (3) Yes I would agree that shallowness is unattractive, as anyone would. However, bringing up a point specifically relevant to online dating apps and implying that it may be specifically…

I wish I had understood more clearly that you were comparing your online vs offline experiences.

Re: The dating app paradox

#549

Post by Spooky23 »

_heimdall wrote: post #502
Spooky23 wrote: post #487

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I didn’t mention any political party. Kindly don’t put words in my mouth.

You didn't, no. Though you were replying to a comment specifically about US conservatives and that is generally considered to be the Republican party. I should have clarified though, and wasn't even meaning it as a comment directly or argumentatively at you so much as a comment on our current political system.

Conservative democrats are really common, especially in the northeast. Lots of Catholics.

Federal monitoring of voting rights wasn’t just for red states like Mississippi. Places like NYC required the same scrutiny.

Re: The dating app paradox

#550

Post by throw310822 »

Spivak wrote: post #537
hbn wrote: post #530

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Astonishing mental gymnastics to think that others have to "grow" to find unhealthy, overweight women attractive rather than they themselves needing to improve themselves if they want to be found attractive. Prime example of externalizing blame. Men and women alike have been achieving acceptable weight for thousands of years. You don't need drugs to be thin, those are a recent invention. Do you think I don't have to…

Right we prefer our women unhealthy and underweight. Look at this point I don't know what else to tell you. There's clearly an experience gap we can't cross if you're equating disordered eating with watching what you eat. I wish you could see from a woman's perspective how horribly women treat their bodies to be thin -- it's not healthy. By your own measure I'm incredibly successful. I'm not stupid and know how much…

Don't want to add fuel to this debate, but what you say sounds a bit strange to me. I am of thin build- slightly underweight- and never felt this gave me any problem. Granted, it's just how my body works so it's possible that if I had to make an effort to keep this weight this would come with some slight issues. On the other hand it's also not normal for a lot of people to be overweight, this has clearly to do with culture and food rather than innate needs. So it's strange that your body would give you negative symptoms for just keeping a natural weight.
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