The death of partying in the USA • Hacker News Board

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#531

Post by unstatusthequo » Thu, Jul 10, 2025, 7:58 PM UTC

starkparker wrote: post #511

millipede wrote: post #455

I've been throwing moderately large parties the past 2 years (12-40 people) and the lack of partying is definitely noticeable. Most people don't reciprocate, making it disheartening to keep doing it. I wanted to build friendships out of it, and hopefully get invited to more parties myself, but so far it hasn't happened. It's a decent amount of set up (cleaning, buying food, coordinating), and a lot of clean up after…

> The ROI isn't where I want it. I know this is HN, but sometimes - maybe, hopefully, sometimes - neither R nor I is involved in an action. If you aren't enjoying doing it then by all means stop doing it. But throwing a party isn't supposed to have deliverables or action items.

Right, when OKRs and KPIs and other startup bullshit jargon are applied to parties, maybe it’s not really the spirit of a party at all, is it?

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#532

Post by conductr » Thu, Jul 10, 2025, 7:58 PM UTC

lapcat wrote: post #434

conductr wrote: post #424

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe but they had a pre-internet life to reference and this topic is specifically discussing it

Yes? That's the point. Even the Gen Xers with strong geeky/nerdy predilections had parties back in the day.

People change. Just because a Gen X is nerdy/chronically online now, doesn't mean they didn't party in the pre-internet era. I'm one of them that fits that mold.

I've probably withdrawn more from society specifically because I had the entertainment of being online, tons of knowledge to consume, a tool to build digital things, etc. I had none of that in most of the 90s, so I went to raves and keg parties every weekend and experimented with lots of drugs and even had sex.

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#533

Post by realo » Thu, Jul 10, 2025, 7:58 PM UTC

kenjackson wrote: post #305

hn_throwaway_99 wrote: post #249

This was a post on the GenX subreddit (from a Gen Zer) from just a couple days ago asking about if parties as portrayed in late 90s/early 00s "teen movies" were actually a real thing: https://www.reddit.com/r/GenX/comments/1lu102v/were_parties_... The responses from the Gen Xers were a mix of bewilderment and sadness, stuff like "What do you mean parties like this, it's just a normal teenage party!? I feel so ancient…

I think this article was way overdone, based on what I see with my teenage kids. They don't go to any "parties", but during the summer they are at the beach around 4x per week with bonfires at night. Almost 1/3 of their class (at a somewhat small school) is there. And with Snapchat they know where everyone is. It's typical on a Friday school night they are scanning their map to see, "this group is at the mall. this g…

Aaaahhh... You have "beach" ... with the "bonfires" option pack ... This is very nice urban furniture.

Here we have "streets" and , occasionally, "public parks".

Forget the "bonfires" option.

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#534

Post by sirodoht » Thu, Jul 10, 2025, 7:58 PM UTC

If anyone wants to be invited to house parties in London, UK, I'm happy to invite anyone who emails theo+hn@torchandzen.com! Number of people ranges from 10 to 50, activities from talking and eating to picnics and dancing.

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#535

Post by BeetleB » Thu, Jul 10, 2025, 7:59 PM UTC

millipede wrote: post #455

I've been throwing moderately large parties the past 2 years (12-40 people) and the lack of partying is definitely noticeable. Most people don't reciprocate, making it disheartening to keep doing it. I wanted to build friendships out of it, and hopefully get invited to more parties myself, but so far it hasn't happened. It's a decent amount of set up (cleaning, buying food, coordinating), and a lot of clean up after…

> I wanted to build friendships out of it, and hopefully get invited to more parties myself, but so far it hasn't happened.

From this and other comments, it seems you think you didn't make friends, because you're not invited to other parties. There seems a leap here.

If the others are holding big parties and not inviting you - sure.

If they just don't throw parties, then they likely are still your friends :-)

But as another commenter said: Going to parties is not necessarily the best way to make friends. Whenever I go to a big party, the host is way too busy to spend a meaningful amount of time with me. Of course he's not going to become my friend that way! Going to big parties is for guests to make friends with other guests - not with the host.

I have some good friends who throw only big parties - I've stopped going to them. What's the point if I can't interact with them?

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#536

Post by echelon » Thu, Jul 10, 2025, 7:59 PM UTC

rurp wrote: post #357

echelon wrote: post #231

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Phones are the reason. Everyone gets quick and lazy dopamine from phones. Why bother with anything else? Think about how much time goes into phones. Who has time to plan? Who has time to coordinate? Phones are probably why the birth rate is declining too. You don't even need a house to party. You can use a pavilion at a park, go out in the woods like the rednecks I grew up around did, party at the trailer park. Homes…

The Smartphone Theory of Everything probably doesn't explain all of the recent social changes, nothing is that simple, but it sure does correlate really well with all kind of trends since they became widespread. Casual socializing, partying, friendships, drinking, and sex all began to plummet around the same time, while loneliness and depression increased. Anecdotally is makes a lot of sense as well. Most of the peop…

100%.

> All of those hours have to come at the expense of other activities.

It all adds up. Five minutes here, thirty minutes there. It all has to come from something.

The smartphone usage takes away in subtle ways too. Time spent idle is time that the brain can subconsciously solve things and work out interdependencies and relationships. If you put that time on YouTube, Reddit, whatever, then your brain is fully consumed with the dopamine drip.

Smartphones have added a tremendous amount of value to society, but it hasn't been without cost.

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#537

Post by Izikiel43 » Thu, Jul 10, 2025, 8:00 PM UTC

RyanOD wrote: post #501

mcgrath_sh wrote: post #465

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is a happy medium between the "hotels every other weekend year round" travel/club sports and no sports, which is sports for your school or community teams. If I ever have kids I absolutely want to enroll them in sports. It will absolutely not be the travel/club teams that means us going to hotels every other weekend. I am probably naïve in thinking that it is possible to play for your high school without club s…

Having two teenage daughters who are athletes, much of this will play out for them depending on how much they really love the sport and whether they are able to play it at the highest levels. If you listen and observe your kids, you'll get a good sense of what THEY want out of the sport. Support them in THEIR journey. And remember at the end of the day, the most important aspects of being an athlete aren't one's perf…

Yeah, I did track and field in HS (not us) in a club, had to train 4 times a week 3 to 4hs each time, but I chose to do that. I did well in some competitions, but nothing large. I do fondly remember those times, for the friendships, for helping build discipline, for learning how to properly train and exercise, skills which I still use today, not really about winning competitions.

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#538

Post by Animats » Thu, Jul 10, 2025, 8:07 PM UTC

It's not just the US. The nightclub and bar industry is tanking in the UK and Europe, too. UK: [1][2] Berlin.[3] Paris.[4]

[1] https://ntia.co.uk/nightclub-industry-struggles-with-over-10...

[2] https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk-pub-closures-beer-taxe...

[3] https://www.dw.com/en/is-berlin-in-a-club-death-spiral/a-703...

[4] https://www.latribunedelhotellerie.com/paris-society-cession...

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#539

Post by homeless_engi » Thu, Jul 10, 2025, 8:11 PM UTC

bluGill wrote: post #239

dddddaviddddd wrote: post #213

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> You either need to have a designated driver, find a taxi (which doesn't exist in most rural areas), or just not drink. Or live in a place where you don’t drive to get around.

Very few places on earth are like that. Even in Europe's dense cities there are a lot of cars, get outside of that and there is no hope of an alternative. Though Europe is somewhat likely to have a bar within walking distance of your house, but a lot of people in Europe drive to whatever bar they drink in at least sometime. Most of the world's public transportation sees themselves as a way to get to work and so parti…

East Asia has lots of highly walkable cities with great public transit -- even a few you might not have heard of. Not just Tokyo, Seoul, Shanghai, Beijing but also Shenzhen, Chongqing, and Hangzhou to name a few.

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#540

Post by 9rx » Thu, Jul 10, 2025, 8:13 PM UTC

janalsncm wrote: post #480

skeeter2020 wrote: post #470

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can't even make a high school team anymore unless you start playing club & private at a very young age. Lots of primary public schools (K-6/7) which is where I learned sports and got good at a few, often don't have sports teams anymore, or if they do it's a few passionate people with limited coaching and sports skills who just want to provide any opportunity.

The natural solution would be to increase the number of teams to also accommodate people who are interested but don’t want to or are unable to dedicate their life to sports. But if schools need to cut costs, it’s tough to do. It’s a common trend in many domains: universities, housing, jobs. An underabundance of resources means people need to gear up to fight over the things that still exist.

Or, given the real-world constraints schools are usually up against, pick the worst participants instead of the best. Those who are skilled in a given sport are almost certainly engaged in the sport outside of school, and thus are taking away from those who are much more likely looking to learn about a sport they otherwise don't have access to.