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The death of partying in the USA

derekthompson.org

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Re: The death of partying in the USA

#521

Post by spiderice »

starkparker wrote: post #511
millipede wrote: post #455

I've been throwing moderately large parties the past 2 years (12-40 people) and the lack of partying is definitely noticeable. Most people don't reciprocate, making it disheartening to keep doing it. I wanted to build friendships out of it, and hopefully get invited to more parties myself, but so far it hasn't happened. It's a decent amount of set up (cleaning, buying food, coordinating), and a lot of clean up after…

> The ROI isn't where I want it. I know this is HN, but sometimes - maybe, hopefully, sometimes - neither R nor I is involved in an action. If you aren't enjoying doing it then by all means stop doing it. But throwing a party isn't supposed to have deliverables or action items.

To each their own.. but I think throwing a party to make friends is a totally reasonable plan and expectation. And if it isn't working out, then the ROI isn't there.

I go to "couples game nights" with my wife and her friends even though I don't really like them. But I like having friends in the neighborhood. So it's worth it to me when one of her friends husbands (who is now my friend) shows me the deck they've been building in their backyard all because I went to a somewhat painful game night.

I think you have it nearly completely backwards. Society would be far better off if more people were willing to do the "un-fun" things (like planning and hosting a party) in order to socialize. GP should be applauded.

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#522

Post by all2 »

ronjakoi wrote: post #486
tlogan wrote: post #289

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Socially marginalized kids were partying too. The only difference was, we weren’t invited to the “cool” parties. These days, there’s definitely a lot less partying overall.

Me and my nerd friends had LAN parties in somebody's garage etc. I really miss those sometimes.

When its snacks and BS while everyone gets hooked up and gets files off the local share to install SC2 for the nth time. It would take hours to get set up. Then more hours of play. We'd go for 10 to 12 hours sometimes, just to get things working.

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#523

Post by jonathanlb »

RyanOD wrote: post #506
vitaflo wrote: post #429

Earlier quoted context omitted.

From talking to many parents they want to give them activities so their kids aren’t bored or sitting inside on their phones all day. Sports is one of those things and lets them also be with other kids. The problem is kids being bored can be a good thing but they are never allowed to be. When I was a kid the internet didn’t even exist let alone cell phones and the only rule was “be home before sundown”. Kids now have…

I can't stress this enough to new or soon to be parents. Hold off on giving your child a phone as long as possible. Once your kids are old enough (your choice...but it's before they are teens), send them outside, shut the door, and go about your business. Tell them to come back for lunch. Then send them outside again and tell them to come back for dinner. I mean this in all sincerity. Don't plan their day for them. M…

I agree with this sentiment, but there have been cases of families who have had CPS called on them for letting their kids walk home alone from a nearby park [1]. It's frustrating to know that neighbors, schools, or authorities might interpret normal childhood independence as neglect and report parents to authorities.

[1] https://archive.ph/ZISnH

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#524

Post by RyanOD »

jonathanlb wrote: post #523
RyanOD wrote: post #506

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can't stress this enough to new or soon to be parents. Hold off on giving your child a phone as long as possible. Once your kids are old enough (your choice...but it's before they are teens), send them outside, shut the door, and go about your business. Tell them to come back for lunch. Then send them outside again and tell them to come back for dinner. I mean this in all sincerity. Don't plan their day for them. M…

I agree with this sentiment, but there have been cases of families who have had CPS called on them for letting their kids walk home alone from a nearby park [1]. It's frustrating to know that neighbors, schools, or authorities might interpret normal childhood independence as neglect and report parents to authorities. [1] https://archive.ph/ZISnH

Sure, there will always be edge cases. That's just how the world works.

Let your kids go out and ride bikes and you may end up with one getting hit by a car. Those are the risks every parent has to manage.

But if we let the edge cases dictate how we raise our kids, we end up with what we don't want - overly managed bubble-youth kids who can't think for themselves.

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#525

Post by lapcat »

spiderice wrote: post #517
lapcat wrote: post #482

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't understand the point you're trying to make?

The point: If you survey Gen-Zers on Reddit to find out how many Gen-Zers are on Reddit, you'll conclude that 100% of Gen-Zers are on Reddit.

No, that's surely not the point, and it's not clear how this is even relevant.

But let's allow the person I addressed to reply instead of imposing your own interpretation.

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#526

Post by kortex »

zackmorris wrote: post #327
hn_throwaway_99 wrote: post #249

This was a post on the GenX subreddit (from a Gen Zer) from just a couple days ago asking about if parties as portrayed in late 90s/early 00s "teen movies" were actually a real thing: https://www.reddit.com/r/GenX/comments/1lu102v/were_parties_... The responses from the Gen Xers were a mix of bewilderment and sadness, stuff like "What do you mean parties like this, it's just a normal teenage party!? I feel so ancient…

Ya I'm shocked by it too, said as a Gen Xer born in the late 1970s, occasionally a Xennial. I partied for 4 years of college which is something like 30 years in sober adult terms. Our ragers were reminiscent of Animal House and Revenge of the Nerds, all of those old party movies that didn't age well. Scenes from Hackers, Fight Club, The Matrix, Trainspotting, Go, Swingers, Made, 200 Cigarettes, SLC Punk, Dazed and Co…

I had never really considered partying as a reality-shifting tool, but as someone fond of regional burn events, yeah, it totally is.

Humans have partied for aeons. It's not just about letting off steam, it's about building social bonds, it's about traditions and rituals and marking key points in life.

This whole thread makes me rather sad, but in the same breath, makes me feel like there is real, actionable good to be done by promoting and helping run events. Not corporate pay-to-play curated experiences, which keep you on rails and only serve to condition more consumption behaviors, but relatively low cost, volunteer-run, do-it-yourself events. The latter, from my experience, have an absolutely infectious component of wanting to contribute, volunteer, create art, and drag others into the experience. But they are also a lot of work and not everyone is cut out for it.

It really has me thinking about lowering the bar to any sort of experience that gives folks a reprieve from the default world, however fleeting.

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#527

Post by broost3r »

1shooner wrote: post #388
germinalphrase wrote: post #364

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was a HS teacher for about a decade. The demands on kids and families around youth sports (especially private/club leagues) is out of control. I had students, 14/15-years-old, going to their school team practice then club team practice, not getting home until past 9 pm every night. Families from three states away would enroll their kids in my school half of the year to play on the hockey team (staying with local sp…

>The demands on kids and families I'd like to understand this more. Families like this that I know talk about it as though it's as unavoidable as their mortgage, but functionally isn't this entirely self-imposed? Is it a lack of vision for an alternative? Are whole families succumbing to peer pressure? I don't relate to it.

check out this article (gift link) from yesterday about private equity in youth sports

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/07/09/business/youth-sports-pri...

> For many families, the money they spend on sports is an investment in their child’s future. Roughly two in 10 youth sports parents think their child has the ability to play Division I college sports, and one in 10 thinks his or her child could reach the professional ranks or the Olympics, according to the Aspen Institute survey.

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#528

Post by lurk2 »

torginus wrote: post #354
Aurornis wrote: post #252

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It's really sad to me how we have completely fucked a lot of youth with social media, smart phones, You have to be careful with Gen Z threads like this on Reddit and Twitter. They are inherently biased toward Gen Z people who are chronically online and deep into social media. If you spend time with kids in the real world, you learn very rapidly that most of them aren't on platforms like Reddit and Twitter. Of those…

I'm not quite sure if smartphones are still all that popular. With the rise of WFH, (and for Gen-Z, having a Covid lockdown college experience), most people are on actual computers and are sitting at home.

The majority of web traffic has been mobile since the latter half of the 2010s.

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#529

Post by bdangubic »

germinalphrase wrote: post #364
Auracle wrote: post #341

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's true. However, I worked as a photographer for about 10 years (quit about 2 years ago) and high school senior photos were one of my specialties, so I got to know a lot of teenagers. Overscheduling is, I think, the biggest issue. Most of the teens I worked with had something going on almost every night, to the point where rescheduling due to rain or heat was an absolute nightmare. Sports were the biggest offende…

I was a HS teacher for about a decade. The demands on kids and families around youth sports (especially private/club leagues) is out of control. I had students, 14/15-years-old, going to their school team practice then club team practice, not getting home until past 9 pm every night. Families from three states away would enroll their kids in my school half of the year to play on the hockey team (staying with local sp…

the over-scheduling in this and other cases is largely due to the fact that if kids are not “somewhere” they will be watching tv or staring at some f’ing screen cause that’s what other kids are doing who are also home. I have a large network of friends with kids and every single one of them over-schedules every f’ing thing due to the lack alternative (or better said kids are better of at ____ than at home alone)

Re: The death of partying in the USA

#530

Post by travisb »

rwl4 wrote: post #453

This was a great read! I'm not a paid subscriber, so I'll post my thoughts here. One angle I think that might be missing is that when only men worked outside the home, women would be stuck at home all day with housework and childcare which I would guess was quite isolating. So I would guess these gatherings were a lifeline. When women entered the workforce, they gained the same quasi-social environment men had enjoye…

Even beyond mutual exhaustion is housework. When both partners works outside the home, they still have to do the housework when they get home or on the weekend. Previously that would have been the job of the one staying at home.

The 20-ish hours a week needed for domestic chores has to come from somewhere.

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