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Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

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Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#511

Post by Barrin92 »

dcow wrote: post #116

I think women have largely been presented a false promise by progressives: value and purpose is derived from work, go do what men do to be their equal. It’s not necessarily anybody’s fault, we live in a society where money is valued. But I wish we could structure society in a way such that the value of raising children, homemaking, is clearly communicated and understood. Being a mother without a snazzy career is frow…

I don't think this is some false progressive promise at all. Work is freedom and independence. Through work people express themselves at a cognitive and creative level.

It's not just about 'snazzy careers'. It's about self-realization. When given the choice in countries with tons of generous child welfare policies like in much of Europe, women still defer pregnancy and prefer to get an education or a job, and I don't blame them because honestly most people grow tired of being a stay-at-home parent very quickly. It's just a menial, not really inspiring, and not very social job.

I know a lot of guys who said the same thing you said, that they'd love to stay at home. All who did now work again full-time, some even admitted directly to me how much they hated it after only a few months and how much they missed work.

I think this attempt to romanticize stay-at-home parenting is basically cultural nostalgia. It's also interesting that you frame it as a women's job as others have pointed out, because the only reason women had to do it in the past is because they didn't get much of a say in the matter.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#512

Post by Domenic_S »

caeril wrote: post #425
Domenic_S wrote: post #294

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ehhh... the only conclusion I can see there is that more study is warranted. The sample was n=17, normal BMI children currently living in CA with parents who used Stanford for IVF. The control was several years older, and looking at the box plots there's substantial overlap in most measurements.

I mean, sure. We need more research. But shouldn't the null hypothesis be that children born of a novel and extraordinarily unnatural process be less healthy than those born of the usual process? There's no reason to believe that after all the factors arrayed against IVF children (poor starting egg quality, genetic and cellular damage from ice crystals, mitochondrial damage potential, implantation problems, etc) that…

> (poor starting egg quality, genetic and cellular damage from ice crystals, mitochondrial damage potential, implantation problems, etc)

Well, IVF doesn't necessarily imply any of those things -- in male infertility the eggs may be of high quality, in a fresh cycle the embryos may not be frozen at all, in a healthy mother there may be no implantation issues, etc. There are perhaps hundreds of factors to control for, and the null hypothesis would change depending on the population of IVF children (and their parental history) you're studying.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#513

Post by lazyasciiart »

hycaria wrote: post #490
astan wrote: post #67

Your whole blog resonates deeply with me. All this corporate grifting and women's empowerment months will do jack shit until we figure out how to make workplaces and lives more equitable for mothers and allowing for gaps, breaks and destigmatizing time off for parents of both genders. Instead, we talk about how sexism is the biggest problem. Sure, sexism might be annoying, but in the west, it is hardly something that…

I am female too and I really don’t relate to this kind of discourse. If you’re really that into high pressure job and grinding the ladder why would you be so attracted to raising a family as a sahm ? You can’t do everything at once. No one is stopping you from raising children but yourself. Many don’t go for the business route and that’s a respectable choice but of course you can’t have it all. If in the end your fer…

You don't understand why people can have multiple, potentially incompatible ambitions, and talk about the major obstacles that exist to achieving them and how to get around them instead of just giving up? That seems like a fundamental limitation in your own understanding of people.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#514

Post by munk-a »

fastball wrote: post #283
munk-a wrote: post #187

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I disagree with this - I think it's very much a reflection of the modern world being quite focused on profits and revenue - you can build an exceedingly successful thing that doesn't provide a clear revenue stream. It won't come with the glamour that other options may have but if you look at passion projects from things like open source libraries all the way down to dwarf fortress it's quite possible to make a living…

That's more of a crapshoot though. The vast majority of open source projects don't generate enough donations to sustain even a single developer. The vast majority of indie games don't experience the success of Dwarf Fortress. A clear revenue model from the beginning makes it much more likely that you will be either A. long-term sustainable or B. call it quits before too much time is invested.

I disagree with this - I would agree that most projects don't end up making serious bank but I've seen a pretty impressive diversity of things being represented on patreon and taking in enough expenses to easily cover overhead costs.

If you are working for fun on an artistic/creative endeavor then you'll often need to cut personal corners to keep a real job to keep the lights on but you can seek and receive funding to prevent that hobby from becoming too much of a cost sink. This is also starting from the fact that your goal isn't to build a megacorporation (at least I didn't read it that way) - you're looking for the freedom to build a thing you want to build. You absolutely will pay a personal cost for that freedom, but the internet is a pretty diverse place where I wouldn't be surprised if you could find people willing to subsidize your work.

Like most people pursuing a passion project, it's wise not to quit your day job and throw everything in the basket initially, but if it's something you want to pursue it you can find funding to help lessen the costs you'd otherwise need to pay out of pocket.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#515

Post by shard »

spenczar5 wrote: post #476
JPKab wrote: post #405

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Women across all income demographics desire men who make as much or more than them. It's a fundamental preference that OKCupid identified a long time ago. As a man, I don't fault this. The risk to a man of reproducing with a woman who isn't great at making money isn't as high, at a fundamental level, as it is for women. A man isn't incapacitated in any way by the act of reproducing. Nor is he prevented or blocked out…

> In case anyone thinks that preference is cultural, it's not. It exists across every culture on the planet Could you provide a cite for this? It's an extraordinary claim. It doesn't match with my understanding of some historical cultures.

Could you specify which cultures you are referring to?

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#516

Post by lazyasciiart »

AnimalMuppet wrote: post #504
sangnoir wrote: post #502

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> You can't both have a wonderful career, a great marriage, and give your kids all they need from their parents. What we really need is for people to stop believing that "having it all" is possible, and therefore expecting that someone owes it to them. I think the brutal/ultra-competitive work culture is uniquely American - Europe seems to do OK with giving working parents generous amounts of time (and money!) to be…

Four weeks vacation, and 6 months (?) parental leave. Four years is a big reach, even for Europe. But yes, Europe does much better at this than the US. Can the US culture change enough to give what Europe gives? Maybe, but I'm doubtful. But until it does, my point remains - in the world we actually live in, you can't have it all. You have to choose between various less-than-what-you-want options.

One year parental leave in the countries I am familiar with.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#517

Post by lhorie »

hycaria wrote: post #490
astan wrote: post #67

Your whole blog resonates deeply with me. All this corporate grifting and women's empowerment months will do jack shit until we figure out how to make workplaces and lives more equitable for mothers and allowing for gaps, breaks and destigmatizing time off for parents of both genders. Instead, we talk about how sexism is the biggest problem. Sure, sexism might be annoying, but in the west, it is hardly something that…

I am female too and I really don’t relate to this kind of discourse. If you’re really that into high pressure job and grinding the ladder why would you be so attracted to raising a family as a sahm ? You can’t do everything at once. No one is stopping you from raising children but yourself. Many don’t go for the business route and that’s a respectable choice but of course you can’t have it all. If in the end your fer…

Sometimes I wonder how much of this idea of "maternity = bad" is self-imposed and/or a false impression.

> When I mention it to someone that I want to take time off for a couple years to have children in silicon valley, they look at me as if I'm an alien.

Is this really that common? As an anecdote, a few years ago, my kid's preschool teacher announced she was quitting half way through the school year due to health reasons. When I privately asked if everything was ok, it turned out to be that she wanted to have kids of her own. I was relieved and totally supportive of her decision: everyone ought to have the chance of choosing the life and family they want to have.

I can see how a certain "why would you want kids" attitude might come out from some young folks, but I think it's not so much that they're judging you personally, but more that they are expressing their own preference for not wanting kids at that stage in their life.

As for gap years, I know someone who got into software development relatively "late" in life (coming from the culinary industry and doing occasional freelance web stuff). My mom took some very long gaps and still had no problems working afterwards. The idea that one has to toil without gap years or else be banned from the industry forever is a myth. As you said, I think the mantra "if there's a will, there's a way" is very true.

I also see the shift in priorities over the years being very common, and I don't think there's anything inherently bad about changing one's mind about whether kids are more important or even the reverse (deciding that career work is more fulfilling than being a housewife/husband after all).

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#518

Post by xiphias2 »

hycaria wrote: post #490
astan wrote: post #67

Your whole blog resonates deeply with me. All this corporate grifting and women's empowerment months will do jack shit until we figure out how to make workplaces and lives more equitable for mothers and allowing for gaps, breaks and destigmatizing time off for parents of both genders. Instead, we talk about how sexism is the biggest problem. Sure, sexism might be annoying, but in the west, it is hardly something that…

I am female too and I really don’t relate to this kind of discourse. If you’re really that into high pressure job and grinding the ladder why would you be so attracted to raising a family as a sahm ? You can’t do everything at once. No one is stopping you from raising children but yourself. Many don’t go for the business route and that’s a respectable choice but of course you can’t have it all. If in the end your fer…

The problem is that while all you say is true, and we can’t have it all, the media’s message is always that you can have it all. By the time we realize it was all a lie, corporations won even if a person wouldn’t have selected that path.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#519

Post by [deleted] »

astan wrote: post #67

Your whole blog resonates deeply with me. All this corporate grifting and women's empowerment months will do jack shit until we figure out how to make workplaces and lives more equitable for mothers and allowing for gaps, breaks and destigmatizing time off for parents of both genders. Instead, we talk about how sexism is the biggest problem. Sure, sexism might be annoying, but in the west, it is hardly something that…

[deleted]

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#520

Post by lazyasciiart »

kaitai wrote: post #481
astan wrote: post #67

Your whole blog resonates deeply with me. All this corporate grifting and women's empowerment months will do jack shit until we figure out how to make workplaces and lives more equitable for mothers and allowing for gaps, breaks and destigmatizing time off for parents of both genders. Instead, we talk about how sexism is the biggest problem. Sure, sexism might be annoying, but in the west, it is hardly something that…

I agree and disagree. During my PhD, I had several women friends have kids. It was a great time to have kids other than the poverty thing, if you had a supportive advisor. But what was not great was the lack of structure around it, by which I mean clear and equitable maternity leave policies for people in this sort-of-employee, sort-of-student position which many PhD students in STEM inhabit. But I gotta say I don't…

My brother-in-law, a grad student in Seattle, has six months of paternity leave. Not sure how old a practice that is.

I'm not sure what kind of lifestyle would lead to a kid with only two adult contacts - most stay at home parents I've known are involved in multiple social groups aimed at parents and kids, even decades ago my mother took us to playgroups and swapped babysitting time with others to get that time alone.

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