Men* have to have a purpose for being. They will either find a constructive one or a destructive one. If they fail at either, they'll find a way to self-destruct. It's really that simple. * Can't speak for women.
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No one expects young men to do anything and they respond by doing nothing (2022)
501–510 of 600 posts
Re: No one expects young men to do anything and they respond by doing nothing (2022)
#502Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Translation: “I was impregnated by 3 other guys, and they all left me, and now I finally found a boyfriend but it turns out he doesn’t want to spend his money to feed my kids.” This just in, when you date a single mother, you will probably end up being involved in her children's lives and supporting them. Didn't think we needed to spell that out but here we are.
You simply dating her and naturally being involved in her childrens' lives doesn't make you responsible for financially supporting and raising them. This is a ridiculous viewpoint and one that implicitly places men who date a woman with children as automatic cash cows out of some grossly twisted notion of patriarchy. I wouldn't think something so bloody obvious would need to be spelled out but here we are.
nor does dating make you responsible for financially supporting your partner. but if you do financially support her, then you have to consider that her financial needs include supporting her children. if your goal is to meet her needs then you must cover that, or change the goal and agree to only cover part of her needs.
Re: No one expects young men to do anything and they respond by doing nothing (2022)
#503The author makes good points, but there is no mention of the demise of religion or the social factors leading to the dismantling of the nuclear family as causes.
Me and the vast majority of my friends haven't experienced religion, and yet we're all in stable nuclear families. I didn't know we were anomalies.
How vast and how many of these friends would take a bullet or sacrifice a finger if it meant you getting to keep your arm? You only know who your friends really are in these circumstances, otherwise they are tourists.
Re: No one expects young men to do anything and they respond by doing nothing (2022)
#504Earlier quoted context omitted.
Me and the vast majority of my friends haven't experienced religion, and yet we're all in stable nuclear families. I didn't know we were anomalies.
How vast and how many of these friends would take a bullet or sacrifice a finger if it meant you getting to keep your arm? You only know who your friends really are in these circumstances, otherwise they are tourists.
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Re: No one expects young men to do anything and they respond by doing nothing (2022)
#505Earlier quoted context omitted.
You can poll young women for what they require of young men to date them. Plenty of content of that on YouTube. It's not nebulous.
Maybe YT compilations of what "young women want" is not a good source of cultural information.
What's your source of truth other than polling women and watching their actual choices?
Re: No one expects young men to do anything and they respond by doing nothing (2022)
#506Earlier quoted context omitted.
You simply dating her and naturally being involved in her childrens' lives doesn't make you responsible for financially supporting and raising them. This is a ridiculous viewpoint and one that implicitly places men who date a woman with children as automatic cash cows out of some grossly twisted notion of patriarchy. I wouldn't think something so bloody obvious would need to be spelled out but here we are.
nor does dating make you responsible for financially supporting your partner. but if you do financially support her, then you have to consider that her financial needs include supporting her children. if your goal is to meet her needs then you must cover that, or change the goal and agree to only cover part of her needs.
You're essentially stating the obvious of informal adult relationships: Communicate what each is offering or can offer and see if it works for both for the sake of an agreement. The previous comment I replied to bothered me specifically because it seemed to take the position that by dating a woman, a man is automatically obligated into supporting her children and childcare needs, which is... plainly ridiculous.
Re: No one expects young men to do anything and they respond by doing nothing (2022)
#507Earlier quoted context omitted.
> this disadvantage disappears once you normalize for the socioeconomic conditions of the mother Link?
https://theconversation.com/having-a-single-parent-doesnt-de...
I'm slightly cautious about that contribution. The author describes the focus of her work as being that of 'changing society', albeit largely on encouraging breastfeeding. If someone is a campaigner rather than a disinterested researcher then their words should be treated as such, especially outside of formal research pieces.
Re: No one expects young men to do anything and they respond by doing nothing (2022)
#508Earlier quoted context omitted.
No, dating a lady does not obligate you to support her children from other men. What a ridiculous take. Accepting their presence and being good to them, sure, but those aren't the same as being made to support them. If I started dating a woman and quickly asked her to fork over money to support my aging parents or my own family responsibilities, it would be rightly viewed as an unfair and manipulative emotional/finan…
that's the kind of attitude that forces women to reject her own children just so that she can find a new partner. sure, as long as dating only involves paying for the shared dinner whenever you spend time together, that doesn't create an obligation to do more, but as soon as you start supporting your partner beyond that, you have to accept that some of that support goes to the children.
What you're saying is absurd. Millions of women manage to take on an active dating and relationship life, without rejecting their children or piling unreasonable obligations onto their partner. Yet somehow you seem to imply that men are at fault if they don't rapidly open their arms to responsibilities that they never created.
It's called being and adult and regardless of sex/gender it means taking ownership of what's your responsibility. Yes, there is a point at which, in this case, a man will take on certain financial and care responsibilities over children that aren't his if he's with a woman who has them but the "when" of that is a subjective line that comes from mutual agreement, not some automatic social debt.
Re: No one expects young men to do anything and they respond by doing nothing (2022)
#509Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Sweetie, we’re not married, so there’s no reason for you to expect I feed your children. Dating a single parent isn't a strictly transactional affair. And it may be financially beneficial (for everyone) to not marry yet still cohabitate and pick up the slack in childrearing. YMMV.
It may indeed be financially beneficial, but that is an arrangement they must both agree to.
Agreed. Afraid a lot of threads here are talking about different things. Casually dating for a while shouldn't carry a lot of responsibilities from either party. Yet as things deepen or carry on for extended periods, it's reasonable to expect a more equal division of labor.
Re: No one expects young men to do anything and they respond by doing nothing (2022)
#510Earlier quoted context omitted.
I would wager that in terms of percentage of population the situation in Africa is not that bad as in Western countries. Some very poor countries may suffer to a larger degree but not Africa as a whole. To give a counter example, take a look at India and China, the two most populous nations. In both cases there is a huge migration from rural to urban centers but Social expectations, Cultural norms, Family structure a…
> In China in particular; you have entire villages populated only by Grand parents and Grand children because the Parents are away working in the City. And yet the situation is not dire like what is being painted in the article in spite of many problems. This sounds like its own kind of dire.
Absolutely. But what is interesting is that the family structure doesn't breakdown. The Parents work themselves to the bone and send money back to help their Parents and Children in the village. The Grand Parents take care of the Grand Children. When the children grow up, depending upon the Parent's situation in the City, they move to the city to live with their parents and study/grow up there or if they are already at the employable age join the workforce in the city. And through it all they hang together.