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The dating app paradox

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Re: The dating app paradox

#501

Post by _heimdall »

ryandrake wrote: post #493
_heimdall wrote: post #452

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Optimizing spending and cutting waste only gets so far, and its only a short term fix. At the end of the day the system needs to include a sustainable model for one of the population to be subsidized by everyone else, in this case that segment is single parents. With many western countries also seeing a large growth in the retired population, that leaves a segment of the population heavily subsidizing the elderly and…

> one of the population to be subsidized by everyone else When you frame it that way, you're setting it up to fail, asking "everyone else" to pay tax dollars to support "one". How about instead: one of the population (namely ultra-wealthy people and businesses) subsidizing everyone else. Now, it's the larger "everyone else" who is benefitting, at the expense of a small group who should hold less democratic power due…

I totally get that framing can make a difference, unfortunately in politics it often seems to be the largest factor. If the system is that fragile, though, it does make me question if its the right answer. People that can should be willing to help subsidize those in need because they see it as the right thing to do, not because they're convinced by a story that may be more spin or even a hit of gas lighting "for the greater good."

That said, with regards to dividing "everyone else" with such phrases, I wish politicians hadn't done so well leveraging phrases that best explain a program as divisive language. It is one part of the population subsidizing others, and there shouldn't be anything wrong with that. Politicians get involved, though and such phrases become weapons to keep "everyone else" divided and unaware how similar we all are. If you want to stay in power, just keep your people fighting themselves so they never look up.

Re: The dating app paradox

#502

Post by _heimdall »

Spooky23 wrote: post #487
_heimdall wrote: post #446

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Both parties in the US are fairly authoritarian. They've dine an excellent job at riling up the public into picking sides while the parties themselves sure seem to be one and the same. Sure they get into public debates and throw political mud at each other, but at the end of the day they agree on direction and end up only debating details. For example, both parties want to shut down the southern border and only debat…

I didn’t mention any political party. Kindly don’t put words in my mouth.

You didn't, no. Though you were replying to a comment specifically about US conservatives and that is generally considered to be the Republican party.

I should have clarified though, and wasn't even meaning it as a comment directly or argumentatively at you so much as a comment on our current political system.

Re: The dating app paradox

#503

Post by Spivak »

hbn wrote: post #494
Spivak wrote: post #392

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're defining attractiveness like boomers handing out grades where in real life that's not how the 10 scale is used, it follows video game review rules where 7 is middling. And this is right to happen with humans same as video games. It's not centered at average it's centered where 5 is "not quite unattractive." And because the typical human is attractive the average sits at around 7.

> And because the typical human is attractive Most people where I live are overweight, and even higher if you're only looking at women (my dating demographic). I don't think my standards are very high and I'd say 5 is high for the average woman I see, just because of weight alone.

I mean look you're attracted to what you're attracted to but this is such a sad comment. You're not like doing anything wrong but reading this it's not so surprising that 2/3 of women have disordered eating.

Re: The dating app paradox

#504

Post by maxlamb »

Legend2440 wrote: post #286
maxlamb wrote: post #284

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’ve dated for years without apps trying to meet people organically, and then also years through dating apps, and I’ve had way more opportunities for human contact with dating apps. I mean the whole point of dating apps is to meet in person once you feel the person might be a good match

Really? I find that it is way easier to meet people in person. In real life, girls approach me at the gym. On apps, I get maybe one like a week and it's usually not someone I'm interested in.

Where do you live? Most girls I know where I’ve lived would never approach random guys at a gym…

Re: The dating app paradox

#505

Post by hbn »

Spivak wrote: post #503
hbn wrote: post #494

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> And because the typical human is attractive Most people where I live are overweight, and even higher if you're only looking at women (my dating demographic). I don't think my standards are very high and I'd say 5 is high for the average woman I see, just because of weight alone.

I mean look you're attracted to what you're attracted to but this is such a sad comment. You're not like doing anything wrong but reading this it's not so surprising that 2/3 of women have disordered eating.

What if I stopped showering and women found me unattractive for it? And I started blaming them, saying it’s their fault I can’t bring myself to shower?

Re: The dating app paradox

#506

Post by nemothekid »

assimpleaspossi wrote: post #279
sweetro17 wrote: post #248

Former dating app founder here - lots of thoughts on the space - feel free to AMA High level though, there's a lot of human behavior which makes dating frustrating with or without apps. At it's core, even in the best case, dating has A LOT of rejection. Dating apps introduce more opportunity for incremental validation (you got liked!) but also incremental rejection (you got ghosted!) and the sheer number of interacti…

The solution to dating app problems is actual human contact and throwing dating apps away. There is too much to get wrong with text only. Say the wrong thing online and you're done. Say the wrong thing in person and you can judge by facial expressions that you did and get a chance to correct a misunderstanding. You also get a chance to actually see what the other person subliminally likes and dislikes. All in real ti…

>The solution to dating app problems is actual human contact and throwing dating apps away.

This is backwards. Dating apps were a solution to the problem of opportunities of meeting potential mates drying up. Dating apps wouldn't be popular if "actual human contact" was a viable strategy.

Re: The dating app paradox

#507

Post by antifa »

bee_rider wrote: post #285
skrbjc wrote: post #185

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've thought for a while now that it is a matter of national interest that your population couples up and has children. It's immensely important for the success of a nation and it's odd that the majority of how people meet now is through data apps and that there is no oversight over these at all. They have every incentive to match you with someone you are more likely to have a short term relationship than match you w…

I imagine whatever the matching algorithm, somebody will object to it. For example, if one political orientation is generally considered less attractive by women, the platform will have to decide if they want to artificially boost those people or not. I think either decision will upset somebody.

The algorithm should be matching on similar-enough politics, hard-coding against specific politics makes no sense.

Re: The dating app paradox

#508

Post by fnordian_slip »

morsch wrote: post #481
fnordian_slip wrote: post #476

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Isn't this (heavily?) influenced by a small amount of people who marry again and again?

Kind of. The median is apparently 19. Still, if a lifelong marriage is winning at life, we're a society of losers.

That's a big "if" imho. Especially, since there are more than enough instances of unhappy marriages in previous generations. Often people stayed in abusive relationships because divorce was heavily frowned upon.

Re: The dating app paradox

#509

Post by Spivak »

hbn wrote: post #505
Spivak wrote: post #503

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I mean look you're attracted to what you're attracted to but this is such a sad comment. You're not like doing anything wrong but reading this it's not so surprising that 2/3 of women have disordered eating.

What if I stopped showering and women found me unattractive for it? And I started blaming them, saying it’s their fault I can’t bring myself to shower?

You're ignoring the magnitude. To make this a fair comparison it would have to be something like

"Women find men's musk so repulsive that men who struggle with controlling it due to their hormones, diet, or lifestyle are showering with so much chemical exfoliant to keep it under control that it's destroying their skin."

And in that world I think you have a case that women have to get over it.

You can be like "just lose weight" up to the point where it drives a super-majority of women have an unhealthy relationship with food and starve themselves to do it. It looks like the new weight loss drugs might finally just fix the problem in a way that satisfies everyone. I have an ED and I will be so happy if I live to see generation of women who don't ruin their mental health to chase the thinness expected of us -- but it still sucks that the solution is drugging women to lose weight and not growing to find "heavier" (i.e. women with a BMI higher than 20) women attractive.

Re: The dating app paradox

#510

Post by rightbyte »

Der_Einzige wrote: post #479
rightbyte wrote: post #180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Having kids makes you soften up alot too. Which should probably decrease the lure of war or other terrorism alot?

Why is the comment below mine dead? It’s truthful and factual

I guess you would have to adjust for other factors and compare within those nations. I am not claiming it is the only or even dominant factor.

https://www.science.org/content/article/fatherhood-decreases...

I think testosterone might have a big margin effect in unstable individuals.

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