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‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

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Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#501

Post by dominotw »

MRD85 wrote: post #221
amyjess wrote: post #144

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> When youth starts to fade away, reality kicks in - the highly desirable partners are not interested, and the average ones are already committed to long time partners who valued them in their own youth. You're forgetting about a) divorcees and b) men who have also gone down the same path.

Men don't have the same time pressure to start a family with many starting at 45+. The other thing is men often become more attractive to women as they age due to things like financial success while the same can't be said for women.

> Men don't have the same time pressure to start a family with many starting at 45+.

not sure if many men can partner up with someone 15 yrs younger.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#502

Post by MRD85 »

SmirthsDAC wrote: post #476
MRD85 wrote: post #177

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Mainly dating apps. I live in a very large city and I keep my age filters somewhat appropriate (27-35). If you struggle with dating apps I'd recommend getting decent photos, even if you need to pay a photographer and spend a day taking good Tinder/etc photos. Dating, even from people looking for serious partners, is a very shallow game. The more attractive someone finds you, the more interest they'll show you. This m…

So a wider age range is inappropriate for your age? 27-35 seems fairly narrow. What are your limits for appropriate age range?

When I say appropriate I mean "an age range which will likely result in swipes from them too". I'm not what a lot of 23 year olds want but I'm fairly desirable for a 29 year old. On top of that I don't have anything in common with women who are under 25.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#503

Post by bigbluedots »

Looking at something through the lens of 'art' is, to me, a way of avoiding looking critically at the issues and their possible solutions. At the same tike I agree that being ashamed about the situation doesn't help in analysing the issues either.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#504

Post by pdimitar »

So many people here are happy to point out that you should not look at anything about yourself -- and that you should try and make a difference out there.

That's very Zen of you, but it is SEVERELY missing the point. Burnout and depression do not ask for a new reason to live. They ask for a break from the negative experiences that caused -- and now maintain -- the initial burnout and depression. They also ask for sources of energy and optimism.

Amortizing your already tired lower back while voluntarily cleaning a local park won't give you that. It's very likely it will make you less capable of overcoming your burnout and depression, even. (Well-targeted workout can still help though.)

I am disappointed at the massive virtue signalling in HN sometimes.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#506

Post by adamrezich »

phs318u wrote: post #490
Meekro wrote: post #446

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's definitely something to this. We HN readers see the occasional article about the crisis of reproducibility in science, which leads to some thoughtful discussion about the trustworthiness of the phrase "studies have shown," especially when it conflicts with one's own common sense. Sadly, this reflection is quickly forgotten.

I think that the overwhelming evidence of reality of modern existence - the fact that we don't live neolithic lives with neolithic lifespans - is sufficient proof that science has been overwhelmingly constructive and reflective of how the universe works. Yes, there are issues, the incentivisation around publication etc makes it easy to game the system. However, to extrapolate this to a blanket attitude of distrusting…

A post showed up on my twitter timeline the other day saying something to the effect of, "hey, these guys just landed a thing on a tiny thing in space, so hey, maybe listen to them about climate change, you idiots," completely devoid of sarcasm. A friend of mine had retweeted it. This is how many, if not most, people think these days; instead of looking to people wearing vestments and robes for guidance, they look to people they've never met who they assume probably wear white lab coats while "doing" their "science"—which naturally encompasses all scientific fields because all "scientists" are of course good at doing ALL the "science." (Sure, if you press them, they'll admit that there's different fields of science and not all "scientists" literally know it all... but that doesn't stop that from being the mental shortcut they make whenever they read a headline about whatever "Science" is saying today.) Instead of looking to Scripture, they look to headlines declaring "science" having been "settled" on the matter. We've moved away from religion as a people, yet all it seems to have done is instilled a false sense of rationality in everyone.

It's not about trusting or distrusting "science," it's about trusting or distrusting people who put too much trust into "science," on the principle of it being "science" that "scientists" have determined is truth. I'm not saying let's all go full Amish (or Kaczynski) and live off the land, I write code for a living. I'm just saying that it's easy to fall into the "religion is an old and outdated concept, only idiots and traditionalist fools would believe in such a thing, yet putting complete faith in anything said by anyone who calls themselves a 'scientist' that gets sufficient attention, that's completely totally different, Because Science" trap.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#507

Post by tomp »

freehunter wrote: post #98
nostromo wrote: post #10

I think the parents of many 20 and 30-somethings played a role in so many young(ish) adults failing to launch. American parents could learn a thing or two about parenting from previous generations and from a lot of immigrant families: nobody owes you anything, plan for a rainy day, find a partner you love and commit to them, work hard, cherish friends and family even when it's difficult, etc. I think parenting has ov…

I feel similarly with the differences between me and my family vs my wife and her family. I grew up not desperately poor, but with only just enough money to get by. In the late 90s we had a computer, a basic Windows 95 machine with dial-up and about 1/4 of the RAM/CPU that modern machines had, but we had one. That's about all we had for modern comforts, which I think forced me to be laser-focused on one activity. The…

My family was relatively rich. We also had a computer. With lots of games. I played Red Alert and then started programming. My brother played Counter Strike and now plays Dota or whatever, he never learned to program. I'm a successful programmer and he's a successful lawyer.

Anecdotes, is all.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#508

Post by balls187 »

seatdrummer wrote: post #482
balls187 wrote: post #432

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Religion and Evolution are typically at odds with each other. One is a social construct. The other is science.

This is hilarious anti-religion rhetoric, complete unwillingness to have evolution and religion in the same sentence. Twisting from how religion historically promotes community into the content of the religion itself. The content is irrelevant, what is important is the sense of community and bonding that religion has offered people for forever.

> what is important is the sense of community and bonding that religion has offered people for forever.

Religion doesn't have anything unique to create community and bonding, other than large numbers. It's not any better at fostering that things over any other shared interest, and at it's worst causes significantly more damage to communities.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#509

Post by tomp »

Zelphyr wrote: post #409
sheepmullet wrote: post #406

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I would venture to guess that the majority of domestic violence is male against female Why? The data suggests it’s close to 50-50.

Really? Wow. I didn't realize that. Are there good sources for this kind of information you can refer me to?

Abusers are about equally men and women. A surprisingly large percentage of those partners are mutually abusive (I forgot if it's more like 25% or more like 50% but both are high IMO). Men hurt women more because men are, duh, stronger.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#510

Post by GlenTheMachine »

kelnos wrote: post #445
GlenTheMachine wrote: post #145

This probably won't be popular, but what the hell. I feel like, if you strip away the outward trappings and dogma, this is what religion is good for. Not in a "believe in Jesus" or "trust in God" kind of way, but in a "how to orient your life" kind of way. Which is to say, the actually useful portion of religion generally teaches that your best life is probably not focused on you. It isn't about finding yourself, or…

I fundamentally agree with your message (and, as an atheist, try to live it as well as I can), but I don't see why you need religion to propagate it. Then again, perhaps religion is just helpful here in the sense that people -- especially those going through emotional/existential crises -- might find it easier to climb out of a hole with dogma as a guide rather than rational thought.

I wasn’t trying to say one needs religion to look past oneself. I was instead tipping my hat to religion, in the sense that I think this is a thing religion very much gets right. And it is through religion that most people in our culture are exposed to the idea.

That being said, religion does a pretty poor job of spreading the gospel of loosing oneself in the service of others. It tends to focus on religiosity instead. But imho it does a better job than almost any other institution we have.

Which is to say that as a culture we are pretty terrible at it.

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