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How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
51–60 of 453 posts
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#52Earlier quoted context omitted.
I disagree. I have done years of volunteer work/helping other people and it does not help one bit with being social (it's not why I do it, so I don't care about that supposed dimension). Plus, there are plenty of terrible people who wouldn't consider doing anything except for their own self-interest who are just fine at being social. Totally orthogonal considerations. Sorry, don't mean to be cynical - I strongly enco…
Friendship is a two-way street. If you learn someone is terrible, you can choose not to be friends with them.
None of my friends are friends with me 'because I help feed people with AIDS every week'. Probably most of them don't know that I do this, and maybe this is pretentious but I don't make it public knowledge because in the past when I have it has intimidated people, possibly because they get worried that I would get judgey.
I would go so far as to say, even better than doing something good and 'caring' for someone (you should do that anyways) is to get in debt to someone. Maybe not financial debt, but ask other people for a favor, or help. Psychologically, the person is then invested in you to repay that debt in the future. After all Kennedy said "ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country", thus putting the country in debt to its citizens, and his popularity soared.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#53I'd highly recommend doing two things in parallel. 1. Read How to win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. 2. Try to talk to someone new every day. On item 1 - I promise that it's not as lame as the title makes it sound. If you internalize the core advice behind this book it will drastically improve your life and it will make you a better person. On item 2 - don't go overboard with this. There's no need to…
100% agree on How to Win Friends and Influence People. Classic book. The title makes the book sound dubious, but it really isn't.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#54A few thoughts coming from a guy who used to be a shy introvert. - Making friends involves truly connecting with people. Connecting with people means caring about them. The first step is to give a damn about everyone around you. How are they doing? What do they care about? What makes them tick? What problems might they be having? - People love to talk about themselves. Ask them good questions, and actively listen (be…
Sometimes it flirts with catch22 though. If you're very shy and insecure, it's hard to care about people with your mind clouded with self-absorbed anxiety.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#55I had the same problem. Its a bit late for you to do what I did but if anyone else reads this it might help them.
When picking college/university I went for one where nobody I already knew went. I also lived on campus. The idea was to force myself to interact with others and not live with my parents. I stayed on campus over the weekends and took part in all the dorm activities.
It totally worked. I went from being awkward to having confidence. So much so I managed to secure several scholarships the next year including an international exchange program.
The result of all this totally changed my life in a positive way. It doesn't take much to change but it will take time and a conscious effort on your part. The only thing I would keep in mind is people have to get something out of the relationship. This applies both ways. You have to give and take.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#56Have you tried online gaming?
No it doesn't solve the fact that you'll be sat alone still. But from past experience, personally online gaming being a huge hobby of mine I often like to meet people from other countries in-games such as counterstrike and World of Warcraft or DayZ. We speak a little through game chat (Mic, if they're enabled). If I enjoy playing with them I get them to hop on to Teamspeak or skype with my little community and go from there.
A lot of the time I meet people who don't speak English that well and explain it's not a huge problem. They often just speak about game related things and don't really go any deeper in to anything more personal. Until 2-3 months down the line and it's easy to notice how much they've come out of their shell. Throwing banter around and asking how works going or other personal things and they seem 10x more comfortable speaking in front of me and my English friends (and new people I get to join the teamspeak). It's not something you have to dedicate a lot of time to, can be very casual.
I don't usually post on here but I felt this could be very beneficial as I've seen it work countless times. I've got a lot of these people on my facebook, twitter and snapchat during the day. Even been to lans in Sweden ETC and met up with a couple.
*Edit: I'm 23, and speak to my 'online friends' 2-3 hours a night, and go out on a weekend with a different social group on the weekend. Played games since I was 11 and had 2 'serious' relationships lasting around 2 years each. - If you was interested.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#57Also introvert Asian engineer here, quite a bit older, and it sounds like we have different backgrounds. The good part is that you've identified what you don't want. The trickier part is finding solutions.
1. Do stuff alone? - simple as doing suggesting or asking to do things with others. Don't have a roommate? Move and get a roommate. Interview them before moving in. When I was 26, I was tired of being alone also, so I found a roommate. It didn't work perfectly, but it helped me learn how to live with someone else.
2. English - to work on pronunciation, record yourself and listen to it. Practice all the time, listen, and adjust. To work on phrases and vocabulary, don't be afraid to ask people to explain it to you. Tell them you never heard of the phrase growing up. It may spark a conversation and will help with talking to people in general.
Like startups, there will be rejection and the fear of rejection. Look at your successes and failures objectively and correct accordingly. Engineer your life =D
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#58very ironic, I am located in China. The Great Firewall obstructs all traffic to google properties. Hence, this message is basically inaccessible (even my VPN does not help).
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#59You could try doing some couch surfing in your area or rent a room in a shared apartment. Living together with other people is a great way to make lasting relationships. There is the chance that you wont 'click', but then you can just move to another place.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#60Making friends is incredibly difficult once one is an adult, so I won't offer advice on that. But you mention that your English is not at conversational level. Therefore any attempt to make friends will be doomed before you evrn start. You need to take English classes.
> Making friends is incredibly difficult once one is an adult,
What a horrible society we must have if it enables this; insular, isolating, compartmentalizing.