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Being alone

jessepollak.me

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Re: Being alone

#51

Post by tomp »

steveklabnik wrote: post #48
tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

It's actually directly relevant; they're acknowledging that when they say "if you're lonely, just get out there and say hello!" is an acceptable option partially because it really is true that at the worst, they'll feel uncomfortable. Someone who does not come from this place in life has a myriad of other things that can add to the downsides in this equation, and when you stack the two up against each other, they sta…

Could you explain a bit more, why exactly does this advice "just get out there" not apply to anyone who isn't either white, heterosexual, cis or male?

Re: Being alone

#52

Post by jrs99 »

volaski wrote: post #39
jskopek wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you disagree with the author? Depending on where you live, his point is very valid. As a resident of Canada, I feel that I live in a fairly progressive, culturally diverse society. Yet even here, I have heard friends of different ethnicities complain about racial issues. Not all racial or gender divisions are obvious; exclusion or denial of privilege is harder to spot.

"I'm a white guy, I am so more privileged than most black guys" "I'm a guy, I am so more privileged than most girls" "I'm a white guy, I am so more privileged than most asian guys" "I'm a straight guy, I am so more privileged than most gay guys" How do these make you feel? Also how about someone went up to an old man and said, "You are an old man in your sixties, and I'm a college kid in my twenties. You will die muc…

I think it depends on how rich the target person is.

Re: Being alone

#53

Post by VLM »

Yhippa wrote: post #28
themoonbus wrote: post #8

This reads like a talk that someone would give at orientation in college... does the tech community in SF really need this much help socializing?

I am thinking the same things. At some point you have to make friends from scratch. They aren't just given to you. As for the "doing things alone" I've noticed that people don't like doing that. Traveling, going to see a movie, or attending an event all seem to be things that have a stigma attached to doing them solo.

Example #4 Going to a restaurant

Example #5 Going to a park, especially an "improved" park with kids playground and you're a dude.

Example #6 Wilderness hiking (although this is really a safety issue, and as a lifelong hiker I assure you your local hiking club is a fantastic way to meet people)

Re: Being alone

#54

Post by [deleted] »

tomp wrote: post #51
steveklabnik wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's actually directly relevant; they're acknowledging that when they say "if you're lonely, just get out there and say hello!" is an acceptable option partially because it really is true that at the worst, they'll feel uncomfortable. Someone who does not come from this place in life has a myriad of other things that can add to the downsides in this equation, and when you stack the two up against each other, they sta…

Could you explain a bit more, why exactly does this advice "just get out there" not apply to anyone who isn't either white, heterosexual, cis or male?

[deleted]

Re: Being alone

#55

Post by [deleted] »

volaski wrote: post #39
jskopek wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you disagree with the author? Depending on where you live, his point is very valid. As a resident of Canada, I feel that I live in a fairly progressive, culturally diverse society. Yet even here, I have heard friends of different ethnicities complain about racial issues. Not all racial or gender divisions are obvious; exclusion or denial of privilege is harder to spot.

"I'm a white guy, I am so more privileged than most black guys" "I'm a guy, I am so more privileged than most girls" "I'm a white guy, I am so more privileged than most asian guys" "I'm a straight guy, I am so more privileged than most gay guys" How do these make you feel? Also how about someone went up to an old man and said, "You are an old man in your sixties, and I'm a college kid in my twenties. You will die muc…

[deleted]

Re: Being alone

#56

Post by farinasa »

Adamantite wrote: post #38

If you're a participant of social media, namely Twitter or Facebook, reciprocating with people on the Internet, you run a popular blog, and you're the guy on this page by the same name: https://getclef.com/company You're not alone. You're privileged. You probably don't even know what real loneliness is. You're just a hipster who thinks they're alone, so you can write a blog post about it and get views. I doubt there…

How easy it must be to dismiss someone based solely on their physical characteristics. Isn't this the very thing your rant aims to protest, namely, discrimination?

Re: Being alone

#57

Post by Stealth- »

canistr wrote: post #49
Stealth- wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As another resident of Canada, I have to completely disagree with you. I have to pay $20,000 for my schooling. My first nations friends pay nothing, it's covered by tax payers. This includes numerous other benefits that I do not get. In Canada, unfortunately it can often seem like the minority have more privileges. That's not equality, to me.

Look, I'm a Canadian myself. I paid the $20,000/year tuition for my schooling too (thank you Waterloo Co-op!). But frankly, it's very easy for the both of us to claim we are deserving of certain privileges or that we worked hard to get where we are based on our own family socio-economic situations. But the reality is that to get to this point, many immigrant families and first nations families face enormous difficult…

My point is that the people that get the benefits are not necessarily the people that need them the most. I've seen many families with status that did not need the money, but took advantage of it. I've also seen many families that needed the money, but could not get it because they were not status.

I completely agree with a support system for people who need it, but I do NOT think that system should be based on racial background.

Re: Being alone

#58

Post by mkr-hn »

jskopek wrote: post #11
tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

Do you disagree with the author? Depending on where you live, his point is very valid. As a resident of Canada, I feel that I live in a fairly progressive, culturally diverse society. Yet even here, I have heard friends of different ethnicities complain about racial issues. Not all racial or gender divisions are obvious; exclusion or denial of privilege is harder to spot.

It has a lot more to do with financial status and social standing than any other factor. A white guy growing up and living in a poor part of the southeast has a very different experience from a white guy who grew up in a mansion. Race and gender are poor guides to figuring out how much a person struggles.

Re: Being alone

#59

Post by vijayr »

fit2rule wrote: post #10

One of the best things I've ever done for myself is pack up and move to another country - just to get out of the cultural bubble we all get wrapped up in. Culture is nothing but a bunch of lies; when you shift from one to the other and give yourself a reset, you see just how much this brings to bear on the individual. Eventually, dealing with a foreign language and strange people can be quite enlightening, if you tre…

Where did you move from, and which countries did you move to?

Re: Being alone

#60

Post by sjtgraham »

dkokelley wrote: post #27

I have a technique for when I'm alone in a large social setting. Find other alone people. It's not hard to spot them if you're looking, and in most cases they will appreciate the friendliness. This works especially well in a situation like a networking event or large party where it is unlikely that attendees will know everyone else.

That's a great tip.
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