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The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

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Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#51

Post by birchbird »

jrockway wrote: post #15

What's the incentive for my friends to do all this work for me for free? Why would I bother setting up a profile for a friend? It seems like a lot of work for no benefit. The OkCupid profiles make more sense: you make them so that you look good and you get dates. Work -> reward.

Actually there are plenty of people who would do something like that for their friends. I don't know much about the dating scene but I have a number of friends who do dedicate time and money to arrange dates for their friends. I'd say the benefit you get is the satisfaction you gain from helping out a friend.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#52

Post by henrikschroder »

seldo wrote: post #16

I'm honestly really surprised to hear that anybody thinks there is still stigma attached to online dating. I don't know what it's like for straight people, but online dating definitely has zero stigma for gay folks. I mean, compared to Grindr -- where all criteria for meeting somebody have been reduced to "I don't want to have to walk more than a couple of blocks" -- online dating like OKCupid is staid and respectabl…

Grindr fixed the problem in the article about requiring lengthy descriptions, and it fixed the keywords/attributes/searching problem, by reducing profiles to an image and a geolocation. When I worked with online dating over a decade ago, we figured out that matchmaking is essentially worthless, and what you need to do is to throw profiles at people until they see something they like and can start messaging each other.

But what Grindr does, is it creates a virtual space of people around you, which makes it a lot more like real life bar dating, where you just have faces, and yet the straight version of it - I forgot what it's called - is not as respected as OKCupid, so there's still some way to go.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#53

Post by safrolic »

derefr wrote: post #42
groby_b wrote: post #10

Wait, what? My friends might be setting up a profile for me without even knowing it? I sure hope that's qualified by "if I'm signed up", because otherwise I might need to engage in some rage.

They can already matchmake you without you knowing it offline; what's the difference if it's online? Presumably they wouldn't be allowed to use your real name or super-identifying photos or anything, so this "dating persona" they set up from you is divorced from the rest of your identity, and nobody will find it by looking for you.

How would you disallow them to use your name or identifying pictures ?

Funny thing is IINM this is probably illegal in several countries around the world, both setting up an online profile for someone else, without his/her knowledge being aggravating, and not providing exact personal information.

If my friends did this to me, it would probably put a definitive end to that friendship.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#54

Post by dkarl »

Here's what I'm getting at: if we were all more social about online dating, it'd suck a lot less. A majority of problems go away with online dating sites when you make it social.

Trying to make this sound cool by using the word "social" doesn't stop this from being the classic awkward kid's lament: "If only people were straightforward about mating and romance! If only there wasn't this forest of doublespeak and taboos surrounding sex! If only people stopped being petty and competitive and just openly admitted their desires and insecurities! We'd all be so much better off (me especially.)"

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#56

Post by officemonkey »

rayiner wrote: post #13

Maybe it's my social circle (busy pushing-30 professionals) but I think there is almost zero stigma among my friends over online dating. In fact, less so among women than among men. Men for some reason feel they have to play the bar scene even if they don't like it or aren't good at it, but women feel no such need. Indeed, for a lot of my women friends, online dating offers the very real advantage that it's socially…

Stigma may exist for the young kids, but on-line dating stigma doesn't exist for older people.

I have several older divorced and single friends (mostly women) and they date on-line for one main reason: it's just too damn hard to have an active social life while you're raising kids.

I got married before the whole internet dating took off, but the 90s did have "date-lines." It was basically an voicemail system.

However, any dating-for-dating's sake does underplay the best way to meet compatible partners: meeting them while you're doing something you really enjoy. I met my spouse in a Jazz singing class.

I've always thought meeting people based on social skills (in person) or good photography (on-line) is fine, but I think it's inefficient because you're selecting the database on the least relevant criteria.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#57

Post by pjscott »

gcb0 wrote: post #23
seldo wrote: post #16

I'm honestly really surprised to hear that anybody thinks there is still stigma attached to online dating. I don't know what it's like for straight people, but online dating definitely has zero stigma for gay folks. I mean, compared to Grindr -- where all criteria for meeting somebody have been reduced to "I don't want to have to walk more than a couple of blocks" -- online dating like OKCupid is staid and respectabl…

well, the stigma is that it outright tells me you don't have friends. i never had to go out alone to find a significant other. Sure a few days i had to stay home because none of my friends wanted to go out. but that's life. ... you will probably not meet, and be happy with, someone you meet in a dive bar, or online dating. it's just common sense, or you may call it stigma.

About 40% of single people in the US have tried online dating. I would be very surprised if a majority of those people didn't have friends.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#58

Post by rayiner »

jrockway wrote: post #15

What's the incentive for my friends to do all this work for me for free? Why would I bother setting up a profile for a friend? It seems like a lot of work for no benefit. The OkCupid profiles make more sense: you make them so that you look good and you get dates. Work -> reward.

As someone who is recently married, my incentive is for them to get hitched and hopefully knocked-up so my wife and I aren't awkwardly the only married/baby-ed people in our friends' circle!

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#59

Post by jarjoura »

I can't help but comment on my experience here. While I do sense the stigma to online dating, I don't personally care. My best interpretation of it though is that it's hard work going out and meeting people. So online dating attempts to make it easier by pre-screening potential candidates. Hearing your friend met someone online makes them sound lazy I guess right?

I've tried online dating but it never works out for me. People put their best face forward online, but are quite different in real life.

Honestly, regardless of Hollywood, the best relationships I've been in have come from friends introducing us at events or just randomly meeting at a bar.

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