Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

medium.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

51–60 of 90 posts

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#51

Post by bluedanieru »

Claudus wrote: post #16

I've pursued many women in my life, and failed. I'm not especially tall, good looking, or rich, but I am smart, somewhat charismatic, and have a solid character. Everything I've done in my adult life has been motivated by my desire to be attractive to women that I'm interested in; studying hard to get good grades, going to grad school, pursuing good employment, developing my personal and social skills, working out, e…

You need to have some balance though. It's good to do things to make yourself more attractive to women, but you also need to evaluate - quickly - whether a woman finds you attractive. If you think she doesn't, if you suspect she doesn't, even if you think maybe she might be interested but you're not sure, drop her like a sack of dirt and don't look back.

Most women will make up their mind about you within 10 minutes after meeting you. Often even less than that. You have to do the same.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#52

Post by tferris »

Saw this thread when it had just 2 points and hoped it won't get upvoted since it's just -- sorry to say -- a useless post full of misinformation without delivering any message. I highly doubt the author has enough experience with building relationships, getting laid, get the right one and so on:

Now, since it's on the front page my view. You have two options:

Either you spend your time in your early 20s chasing women and spending all your time on building relationships and getting laid or:

Start at least 5 startups until you are 25 and hope that one of them gets kind of profitable or even better and you do an exit. Starting later is getting harder and harder, you are spoiled by high salaries and laid back office work and suddenly you have a child and it's getting to risky to start anything. The experience you make as an employee hardly help you as an entrepreneur but you need to fail often as an entrepreneur -- every failed startup brings you tons of experience and closer to a successful company.

Back to the girls: if you got successful with your startups you don't have to think about relationships and girls -- you'll send so much self-confidence and they're will be tons of opportunities. And even if you still do startups which didn't succeed you have much more to tell then any office drone. You'll have much more opportunities than those who desperately looking for the SO without having a life or anything to tell. That doesn't mean that you should omit any social life or getting laid while building a startup, it just means don't focus on this, focus on being an entrepreneur.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#53

Post by brianwillis »

This is pretty personal stuff to say using an account that's tied to my real name, but hey, we're all friends here now, so why not.

I'm in the target demographic for this post (I turn 29 on Tuesday), and I'm seriously considering making a conscious decision to be permanently single.

I understand that people find a lot of happiness in relationships, but I just don't think I'm capable of making room in my life for another person, and I don't think I'd make a particularly good boyfriend. I'd have to become a dramatically better person - something I don't know if I have it in me to do.

Does this make me somehow broken? Are there others who feel this way too?

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#54

Post by beaner »

Camillo wrote: post #20

Over the past few days, several articles about how crucial your 20s are have been posted to HN. I find them quite depressing. I can only hope that the blog cycle is like the news cycle, and that these posts will stop once it stops being the topic of the week.

I know. I thought I wasn't supposed to have introspective life crises until middle age. At 27, this wave of 20s themed self improvement/"watch out" articles are making me feel like a failure the same way Calvin Klein ads make me feel like I'll never be attractive.

The most depressing part about the article is that it starts out with the assumptions that you have opportunities for relationships available to you that you're willingly passing on and that you're getting laid on "a regular basis".

Yeah, write me an article on how to satisfy your assumptions first, and then I'll follow whatever advice you've got about what comes afterward.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#55

Post by Tichy »

brianwillis wrote: post #53

This is pretty personal stuff to say using an account that's tied to my real name, but hey, we're all friends here now, so why not. I'm in the target demographic for this post (I turn 29 on Tuesday), and I'm seriously considering making a conscious decision to be permanently single. I understand that people find a lot of happiness in relationships, but I just don't think I'm capable of making room in my life for anot…

In what way do you think you are a bad person? It sounds a bit as if you are carrying a baggage of possibly irrelevant morals with you (as in you don't really subscribe to those morals, but somehow feel bad for that). Perhaps you could simply find someone with compatible values?

Edit: I know several people living open relationships, polyarmory... Still not sure it can really work in the long run, but might be worth a try (both monogamy and polyarmory probably have their own problems, anyway).

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#56

Post by [deleted] »

tferris wrote: post #52

Saw this thread when it had just 2 points and hoped it won't get upvoted since it's just -- sorry to say -- a useless post full of misinformation without delivering any message. I highly doubt the author has enough experience with building relationships, getting laid, get the right one and so on: Now, since it's on the front page my view. You have two options: Either you spend your time in your early 20s chasing wome…

[deleted]

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#57

Post by meric »

polarix wrote: post #48
xijuan wrote: post #38

Reading the article and reading the comments almost gave me a panic attack. Just broke up for real today (the breakup dragged on for few months.)... 3.5 years of relationship ended for reasons that I can never never understand.. Why is relationship so hard?

I'm guessing you're male, and that's why. Also, good luck and keep going.

I don't think so, [her] first name is "cathy".

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#58

Post by zaptheimpaler »

jdietrich wrote: post #43

How about we all just chill the fuck out? Stop worrying about whether you've left it too late to be the next Zuckerberg. Stop worrying about whether you've sacrificed your future happiness on the temple of Mammon. Just live your damned life, one day at a time. If you think that everything is going fine, you're probably right; If you think that things are all fucked up, you're also probably right. Stop letting doucheb…

Amen.

Once you read enough of this stuff (HN,Quora,blogs) and see directly contradictory advice everywhere, theres no point reading anymore. You can use it understand what you gain and what you lose from going one route, but you have to make up your own mind in the end.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#59

Post by tferris »

[deleted] wrote: post #56
tferris wrote: post #52

Saw this thread when it had just 2 points and hoped it won't get upvoted since it's just -- sorry to say -- a useless post full of misinformation without delivering any message. I highly doubt the author has enough experience with building relationships, getting laid, get the right one and so on: Now, since it's on the front page my view. You have two options: Either you spend your time in your early 20s chasing wome…

[deleted]

> Silicon Valley is filled with rich startup guys who can't get a date.

You didn't get the point, it's not about being rich. It's about having a life and having achieved something, you don't need to be necessarily rich, you need self-confidence to approach women. You can train self-confidence and fake it until you make it with tons of PUA books and resources BUT building self-confidence by starting something is much easier and more effective.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#60

Post by jwingy »

I did a startup then got out for precisely the same reasons the author states.

You won't always be young, but a startup at any age is always possible. Since money will never be able to buy time (though I'd love to see a time machine or a reversal of aging), I chose the former. I don't regret doing a startup, but I'm happy where I'm at today. Getting my head out of the rat race has been one of the best decision I've ever made.

Post reply on HN