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Always Invite Anna

sharif.io

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Re: Always Invite Anna

#51

Post by type0 »

BeetleB wrote: post #48
type0 wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> By the time you get to my age, your list of potential Anna's will be in the high dozens. You simply cannot keep this up with all the Anna's. By the time facebook has been used to plan events, your list of potential Anna's will be in the high dozens, because Anna doesn't use fb and it's too difficult to send sms's. You simply cannot keep this up with all the Anna's.

I have no idea what you're trying to say, but FWIW I never used social networks - at least not the ones you can use to plan events (LinkedIn doesn't count).

Alice and Bob are planning a party, they might invite Anna but don't want Mallory to show up and ruin everything so they turn to Facebook and create a closed group for party planning. Anna, being privacy conscious, doesn't use fb and expects to receive an invite on Signal. But Alice and Bob decide not to invite Anna because they're Danish politicians and Anna is against Chat Control.

Re: Always Invite Anna

#52

Post by kixiQu »

majkinetor wrote: post #50

Everybody, who thinks this is OK, should think again - what if Anna genuinely didn't like parties, you at parties, music at parties or whatever else. Re-invating in that case is disrespectful, intrusive and even rude as all interactions need to be feedback controlled. Sure, any generalization will lack the subtle cues of context but its safe to say that this was an exceptional situation rather than representative. Pe…

Why is it safe to say that would be exceptional rather than representative? (Couldn't I just as easily claim it's safe to say it's representative rather than exceptional?)

Re: Always Invite Anna

#53

Post by leetcrew »

majkinetor wrote: post #50

Everybody, who thinks this is OK, should think again - what if Anna genuinely didn't like parties, you at parties, music at parties or whatever else. Re-invating in that case is disrespectful, intrusive and even rude as all interactions need to be feedback controlled. Sure, any generalization will lack the subtle cues of context but its safe to say that this was an exceptional situation rather than representative. Pe…

I'm inclined to agree, this was a weird read. after the first few no's, there was definitely an opportunity for alexei to make it clear to anna that she was always welcome, but he was going to stop inviting her every single time.

this kinda ties into a more general blind spot for nerds on the internet. there's no obligation for people to include you in their personal lives (or vice versa) just because you vaguely know them. if someone chooses to do so and you want it to continue, you gotta reciprocate somehow.

Re: Always Invite Anna

#54

Post by ysleepy »

majkinetor wrote: post #50

Everybody, who thinks this is OK, should think again - what if Anna genuinely didn't like parties, you at parties, music at parties or whatever else. Re-invating in that case is disrespectful, intrusive and even rude as all interactions need to be feedback controlled. Sure, any generalization will lack the subtle cues of context but its safe to say that this was an exceptional situation rather than representative. Pe…

You are summarily dismissing their social skills.

It is very odd to read a one dimensional take like this, but this is hn, so I am not surprised.

Re: Always Invite Anna

#55

Post by squigz »

dexterdog wrote: post #49
efsavage wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I overheard two very outgoing co-workers once, where one asked the other if he was having his holiday party. "It was last weekend", he said. "Oh, I didn't get an invite" "That's because you never come" She looked shocked, I think she genuinely didn't know what to say. After an awkward silence she said, "but I liked to be invited" "I'll happily invite you next year if you promise to come" She smiled politely and walke…

It's probably just ego on the one side. That person likes to be invited to feel like they are the more valuable person in the relationship. If I were the other person I would make sure that invitation is never extended.

I'm so glad I don't understand and thus can't play these games with people. It sounds tiring.

Re: Always Invite Anna

#56

Post by bigiain »

circadian wrote: post #39

I'm in my 40s now, but when I was very young I had quite a rough time living in shared accommodation. It was people reaching out and asking me if I wanted to go out, whether or not I could, that in the same way stuck with me as helping to deal with being lonely. I still have the memory of peoples kindness and this story reminded me of those kindnesses. It's kind of a beautiful memory to have, even when the times were…

> My interpretation is that Alexei might well have understood that Anna felt lonely / homesick.

Maybe? Perhaps Alexei was just one of those rare people who treated everybody with kindness?

Either way, respect to Alexei - and everybody like him.

Re: Always Invite Anna

#58

Post by majkinetor »

ysleepy wrote: post #54
majkinetor wrote: post #50

Everybody, who thinks this is OK, should think again - what if Anna genuinely didn't like parties, you at parties, music at parties or whatever else. Re-invating in that case is disrespectful, intrusive and even rude as all interactions need to be feedback controlled. Sure, any generalization will lack the subtle cues of context but its safe to say that this was an exceptional situation rather than representative. Pe…

You are summarily dismissing their social skills. It is very odd to read a one dimensional take like this, but this is hn, so I am not surprised.

> Sure, any generalization will lack the subtle cues of context

It appears its not my take that is one dimensional.

Re: Always Invite Anna

#59

Post by majkinetor »

kixiQu wrote: post #52
majkinetor wrote: post #50

Everybody, who thinks this is OK, should think again - what if Anna genuinely didn't like parties, you at parties, music at parties or whatever else. Re-invating in that case is disrespectful, intrusive and even rude as all interactions need to be feedback controlled. Sure, any generalization will lack the subtle cues of context but its safe to say that this was an exceptional situation rather than representative. Pe…

Why is it safe to say that would be exceptional rather than representative? (Couldn't I just as easily claim it's safe to say it's representative rather than exceptional?)

Because it's much, much more probable that person does not act in a convoluted way.

Re: Always Invite Anna

#60

Post by NuclearPM »

BeetleB wrote: post #29

By the time you get to my age, your list of potential Anna's will be in the high dozens. You simply cannot keep this up with all the Anna's. A lot of people genuinely don't want to hang out with you. Likely that number exceeds the "real" Anna's by an order of magnitude. If there's someone I particularly like, I'll keep inviting him. But if the person is otherwise normal (e.g. clearly has a social life), I invite 3-5…

> To which I'd love to respond with s/any more/ever/

What does that mean?

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