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US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

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Re: US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

#51

Post by araes »

mamidon wrote: post #24
kelseyfrog wrote: post #22

It's easier than ever to make friends. When you switch from a demand mindset to a supply mindset, the opportunities present themselves. Think of it this way, all those lonely people out there are just waiting for someone to reach out and do something with? It's like shooting fish in a barrel. I'm able to get out on average 10hrs/week just socializing without much effort by just putting myself out there and making eve…

100% I've had great success inviting people to dinner parties and such. This works great for people I already know. I've tried hosting public groups, with partial success. Have you got any ideas there? I've tried posting events on local Facebook groups, mostly. But my experience is that very few people are actually active online and willing to physically do something.

In areas where the website is still viable, I've found that Meetup is a reasonable way to socialize and find recreational events with limited pressure in a public location.

For example, I enjoy board gaming, and used to use Meetup in the South because I found it difficult to make friends being an outsider in the South. Meetup was relatively helpful for going to a restaurant, just sitting down, having meal, and playing board games for several hours. And several of those then turned into roleplaying groups, social groups, and similar external to the Meetup.

On a quick search, most major cities seem to have board gaming groups:

Seattle: https://www.meetup.com/gearhouse-events/events/306262711/?re...

Los Angeles: https://www.meetup.com/los-angeles-werewolf-meetup-group/eve...

New York: https://www.meetup.com/new-york-games-nights-meetup-group/ev...

Atlanta: https://www.meetup.com/agguild/events/306018016/?recId=cd815...

Philadelphia: https://www.meetup.com/montco-board-games/events/304398746/?...

Chicago: https://www.meetup.com/chicagogames/events/306090271/?recId=...

Fort Worth: https://www.meetup.com/fort-worth-board-game-club/events/304...

Minneapolis / Saint Paul: https://www.meetup.com/saintpaulgamegroup/events/306244052/?...

Denver: https://www.meetup.com/meetupdenvermplusz/events/306229426/?...

Most are relatively free of cost, supported by businesses that have an interest in regular attendees visiting the stores and buying a few small products each time they attend (meal, drinks, snacks, ect...) A couple are gaming stores that ask for a small rental fee or offer free table space if you want to bring your own games.

Re: US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

#52

Post by johnea »

It's truely amazing how averse the millennial generations are to just calling this phenomenon what it is: internet brain damage

What would you expect to happen in actual 3D reality, when everyone thinks their "real life" is in their Call of DooDoo raid group?

kek...

Re: US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

#53

Post by 20after4 »

araes wrote: post #49
aredox wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this is taking it backwards: communal places are dying because of a deeper trend of di-socialization. You can't make those spaces work for long if nobody comes there. What I notice here (Switzerland) which has a lot of clubs and associations is that less and less people come and less and less volonteer to help manage the club's functions. Notice that the clubs are still there; the opportunity to socialize is…

Personally, tend to believe it's iterative (like the iterative method in software). Basically, it has both issues. Your rationalization is valid, and its one side of what's going on. Society de-socializes, the clubs and activities still exist, yet less and less people take the opportunity. Those activities and clubs then wither and fade away with lack of participation. However, on the other side, once those clubs and…

Another factor, presumably, is that people at the low end of the income spectrum simply don't have any time to socialize because simply surviving takes almost all of their time and what is left is simply exhaustion.

Many parts of the world are experiencing very extreme income inequality as more wealth gravitates towards the top. I suspect this is happening almost everywhere but it definitely seems to be the case in the US, Canada, the UK and (to a lesser extent, perhaps) in western Europe. With the bottom 50% of the population just barely able to survive it's not at all a surprise that social activities and opportunities are going extinct.

I think socializing really is a luxury not afforded to most people. The folks in the top 50% of income live in a very different world from the bottom 50%

Re: US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

#54

Post by natmaka »

aredox wrote: post #42
natmaka wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

L. Kohr (who was the inspiration of "small is beautiful"), shows how and why it is of paramount importance: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leopold_Kohr#The_Breakdown_of_...

I read the wikipedia summary, and it was full of half-truths or outright lies. >small state is internally democratic and its government has to serve the individual This has never been true, there is no relationship at all between size and democratic nature. In fact, I'd argue the opposite: small societies are more oppressive. Neither has there been any relationship between "small states" and Peace. Again, one can see…

>small state is internally democratic and its government has to serve the individual

For many reasons (one being the risk induced by endogamy) it is way more difficult for masters of a small state to bar the individual from knowing what is going on outside, to escape... It fosters a healthy pressure on potential or effective abusers.

> Peace

Search for "Duke of Tyrol": https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/leopold-kohr-the-bre...

((quoting the source)) >> Kohr states that a disunited world would do away with territorial disputes and conflicts since cultures that currently demand autonomy will receive it, and disputed territories such as Alsace could become autonomous or sovereign instead.

> wrong

This is a suggestion, not a prediction ("could").

((quoting the source)) >> circumstance that illustrates the main difference in the manner in which Russians and Americans organize their respective empires. We proceed with seduction where the others use force. We assimilate the world through our goods, the others through their ideology. While the unity of the East is brought about by every Czech, Russian, or Chinese becoming a communist, the unity of the West is created by every Frenchman, Dutchman, or Italian becoming an American. This is preferable, I presume, but it spells national extinction for the peoples concerned all the same. We may say that, as Americans, they will at least be free, but so will all Czechs or Chinese once they have become convinced communists. Assimilation does not destroy freedom. It makes it meaningless.

> A prediction completely wrong

As a Frenchman or (remote) Russian origin living in China since 2017 I disagree.

Re: US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

#55

Post by wkat4242 »

slackfan wrote: post #46
wkat4242 wrote: post #14

I think the extreme political hardlining makes this happen too. I've never been to the US but this extreme-right stuff has made its way to Holland too. They already gained 30% of votes in the last election. Meaning I had to drop a lot of friends. Once they start screaming about "woke" or bitching about trans people they are forever out of my life. At first I used to try to reason with them. I thought sure, it's just…

>Meaning I had to drop a lot of friends. Sounds like you're in a cult.

It's more like they are, really.

Re: US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

#56

Post by slackfan »

wkat4242 wrote: post #55
slackfan wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Meaning I had to drop a lot of friends. Sounds like you're in a cult.

It's more like they are, really.

Cutting of contact from people who disagree with you is actual cult behavior.

Re: US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

#58

Post by wkat4242 »

slackfan wrote: post #56
wkat4242 wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's more like they are, really.

Cutting of contact from people who disagree with you is actual cult behavior.

It's not about disagreement. It's about their actions.

Besides what other people do isn't even their business.

Re: US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

#59

Post by araes »

20after4 wrote: post #53
araes wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Personally, tend to believe it's iterative (like the iterative method in software). Basically, it has both issues. Your rationalization is valid, and its one side of what's going on. Society de-socializes, the clubs and activities still exist, yet less and less people take the opportunity. Those activities and clubs then wither and fade away with lack of participation. However, on the other side, once those clubs and…

Another factor, presumably, is that people at the low end of the income spectrum simply don't have any time to socialize because simply surviving takes almost all of their time and what is left is simply exhaustion. Many parts of the world are experiencing very extreme income inequality as more wealth gravitates towards the top. I suspect this is happening almost everywhere but it definitely seems to be the case in t…

Generally agree. Had about the same experience working the last job. Took significant effort to go out and find social activities, or develop regular social appointments each week that encouraged participation. Find a board gaming group, just to leave the house after work. Develop a roleplaying group, just to leave the house after work.

Many days of the draining 9 to 5 that mostly just encouraged crashing on the couch and trying not to do very much for several hours. And that was a relatively stable paying job by comparison to many. Working a normal plus a gig job in the modern world seems like there would be little time for anything else.

On the wealth gravitating, had the same consideration (figure many have). With the excessive focus on wealth, the majority of the world is different for the upper 50% (with the caveat that they then focus into the upper 50%, of the upper 50%, of the upper 50%, ect...)

Personal view is it would not be so bad, if the wealthy were actually spending anything. Except unfortunately it seems to have turned into the Russ Hanneman joke from Silicon Valley. They don't want to spend anything because they're worried about losing their status on the ladder bracket. And the only objective is "move to the next upper 50%." If you're $999 millionaire, you fall off the "wealthy" list, and it's like binary where suddenly you get uninvited from all the events people on "the list" get to go to.

From a game designer background though, it's frustrating, because it's like a game where there's 10-20 possible "resources", and all anybody will pay attention to is the "coin" quantity. Almost nothing else provides any form of status or tangible benefit. Academic citations don't really provide that much. Military rank doesn't really provide that much. They all still converge towards "bank account" and "coin" quantity.

Re: US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

#60

Post by cafard »

JohnBrookz wrote: post #4

Not surprised. Every relationship in America is transactional. Work is cut throat especially at stacked ranking companies. This country is basically a social Darwinian hellhole. Friendships here seem try and extract the most value from others. I have an incredibly close circle of friends thankfully.

Generalize much?
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