After a years of work, petabytes of data analysis and centuries of case study we know finally what's good for children care: a real family consist of mother, father, grandparents, siblings and friendly neighbors. It will be forgotten gieeber5as unimportant, mainly because AI hype does not follow such boring science...
The key to mother and child well-being may be many caregivers
51–60 of 325 posts
Re: The key to mother and child well-being may be many caregivers
#52Earlier quoted context omitted.
The whole pedophilia scare makes people suspicious by default of adult men in contact with non related small children. There's a great movie I recommend on that problem, The Hunt (2012): https://m.imdb.com/title/tt2106476/
The vast majority of child abusers are male and known to the child and family (not strangers), so there is some evidence behind the bias, I suppose.
All stereotypes grow from a kernel of some truth. Lets calculate.
- 80-90% of child abusers are male. (Lets use 90% further on).
- Us population is 330 million. (So half will be 165m male).
- It has 750 thousand registered sex offenders
Calculations:
- 750t * 0.9 = 675t male offenders; 675t / 165000t = 0.4% of male population in us are registered sex offenders. (1 out of 243 males).
- 750t * 0.1 = 75t female offenders; 75t / 165000t = 0.045% (1 out of 2200 females)
Caveats apply: not all are caught; these numbers are for all sex offender (I think it includes adult rapists and public urinators); distribution through society is not uniform, some occupations will be more “lucrative” for phedos.
Re: The key to mother and child well-being may be many caregivers
#53Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Another thing that sometimes works (lots of preconditions) - living in walking distance of grandparents or siblings, and let the kids visit family frequently. If you are not sufficiently rich such that you can afford personal services such as live in nannies and flights to visit family and whatnot, I find that living walking distance to close family is one of the biggest quality of life upgrades one could make (obv…
> living walking distance to close family is one of the biggest quality of life upgrades one could make And yet those with the power to change this situation choose not to. We have to work in office buildings located in expensive commercial districts with small homes/accomodation and no real community, or spend hours commuting each week if we want to live in the suburbs. After a few decades we earn enough money to es…
If there weren't so many cars and the associated danger, it'd be easier to use public spaces and not feel like your "small" apartment is cramped.
I bought a house and miss my 2-bedroom apartment. Enough that my wife and I are considering moving back into an apartment and renting out our house.
Re: The key to mother and child well-being may be many caregivers
#54> the researchers say that children may be "evolutionarily primed" to expect exceptionally high levels of physical contact and care,
What strikes me here is the phrase, "exceptionally high levels." I imagine children need a "normal" level of care; it's only "exceptionally high" in comparison to the deprived state of family systems in these degenerate times.
I often reflect on the understanding in Attachment Theory, wherein a child a needs to have a caregiver who is sufficiently attuned to the child's needs. And it turns out, "sufficiently attuned" means that the caregiver responds in an attuned manner to 30%-50% the child's entreaties. As one of my meditation teachers says, 'That's not a high bar. What grade did you get the last time you scored 50% on a test?'
Re: The key to mother and child well-being may be many caregivers
#55The book Hunt, Gather, Parent touches on this a bit. It takes 3-4 humans, not necessarily adults but cousins and whatnot, to take care of a child. Two? 6-8. Since western societies broke up tight knit communities, the support system for this in the west has been lacking and jerry rigged with tired parents and nannies etc ever since. The reason for the breakup is fun - https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2019/11/ro…
Interesting hypothesis, but I don’t know if I buy it. Much of India had also long barred cousin marriages, probably long before the Roman Catholic Church, but the dependencies and village raising the kids dynamic still existed (until recently). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sapinda If I were to guess, the main causal factor is economic/security independence. If living in a tight knit village, sacrificing your freedom…
If living in a tight knit village, sacrificing your freedoms is the best option you have, then that is what most people choose. If there exists an option for you retain your freedom and have financial independence and physical security, then people tend to choose that
you make it sound like these are opposing incompatible choices. why not choose both? i'd love to live in a small tight knit community. going to school and getting a good education does not prevent that. and with more options to work from home it is now even more possible than it was in the past.
also, people didn't move because they wanted to gain independence. they are forced to move because they can't find work at home. in europe the majority of people live where they grow up and do not move far from there, unless lack of local jobs forces them to. which is one reason why big cities are popular and growing because jobs are there, and it is more likely that future generations will have jobs there too, so they can stay.
Re: The key to mother and child well-being may be many caregivers
#56Earlier quoted context omitted.
In our Montessori school, parents do pick up other kids occasionally, and the kids would just stay with the family for the afternoon. Ideally, kids take turns so sometimes parents get an afternoon off. Another thing that sometimes works (lots of preconditions) - living in walking distance of grandparents or siblings, and let the kids visit family frequently.
> Another thing that sometimes works (lots of preconditions) - living in walking distance of grandparents or siblings, and let the kids visit family frequently. If you are not sufficiently rich such that you can afford personal services such as live in nannies and flights to visit family and whatnot, I find that living walking distance to close family is one of the biggest quality of life upgrades one could make (obv…
> If you are not sufficiently rich such that you can afford personal services such as live in nannies and flights to visit family and whatnot, I find that living walking distance to close family is one of the biggest quality of life upgrades one could make
Being able to choose housing with that level of granularity still requires wealth that exceeds most incomes. For most, just finding housing without lots of significant negative impacts - this is about the edge of possibility. For even that minimal outcome, the odds aren't terrific.
Re: The key to mother and child well-being may be many caregivers
#57Earlier quoted context omitted.
Having worked remote most of my kids' lives, I'd say there are other challenges. Parents need time away from their kids too, and if every parent in society is working then how are kids supposed to get the adult attention and allow the parents some child-free time? When I was younger kids played with others in the neighborhood, and there was always a homemaker parent in every household. Now every adult has at least a…
I’m thinking about everyone being more involved with kids. Not just parents of young children.
Lots of folks don’t want kids or to be involved with them too, another important consideration.
Re: The key to mother and child well-being may be many caregivers
#58Earlier quoted context omitted.
Interesting hypothesis, but I don’t know if I buy it. Much of India had also long barred cousin marriages, probably long before the Roman Catholic Church, but the dependencies and village raising the kids dynamic still existed (until recently). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sapinda If I were to guess, the main causal factor is economic/security independence. If living in a tight knit village, sacrificing your freedom…
If living in a tight knit village, sacrificing your freedoms is the best option you have, then that is what most people choose. If there exists an option for you retain your freedom and have financial independence and physical security, then people tend to choose that you make it sound like these are opposing incompatible choices. why not choose both? i'd love to live in a small tight knit community. going to school…
This.
I grew up poor and moved far away from my family to change it. In the rich land where I now live, most people I’ve met could do a little better by moving to another town but they choose to remain close to their families and their birth community. With that said, they still have to raise their children on their own, because it is culturally inappropriate to ask, accept or (god forbid![^1]) offer help.
[^1]: You want to do what with our kids? What are you? A budding, wanna-be child molester? You never know, the media says they are everywhere. No sir, and you have upset me so much that I’ll write to my local representative to install CSAM surveillance in all the phones.
Re: The key to mother and child well-being may be many caregivers
#59Earlier quoted context omitted.
With all the massive life improvements we have with technology we could be investing so much more into our kids. Jobs could be flexible with short work weeks, and we could use that time to invest in kids. Parent, volunteer, mentor. Remote work done on a school site giving even more time to help kids learn.
Having worked remote most of my kids' lives, I'd say there are other challenges. Parents need time away from their kids too, and if every parent in society is working then how are kids supposed to get the adult attention and allow the parents some child-free time? When I was younger kids played with others in the neighborhood, and there was always a homemaker parent in every household. Now every adult has at least a…
how are kids supposed to get the adult attention and allow the parents some child-free time
not everyone is going to work all the time. obviously someone has to be available for the kids but not all the time either. the point is that life improvements, technology and flexibility makes this more easy.
Re: The key to mother and child well-being may be many caregivers
#60Earlier quoted context omitted.
I’m thinking about everyone being more involved with kids. Not just parents of young children.
Lots of folks don’t want kids or to be involved with them too, another important consideration.
those that do not want to be involved with kids would obviously not choose to participate in such an environment, so they are out of the picture.