I'm an asker
Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)
51–60 of 72 posts
Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)
#52While Japan is the most obvious "Guess culture" for Westerners. My favourite example of a "Guess culture" is that of Iranian taarof[0]: Another example occurs if a Western individual is not familiar with taarof in Iranian culture. When an Iranian individual is offering taarof, it is to first view it as a sincere offer with the hope of decline up to four or five times. If the individual offers more than five times, it…
As someone who grew up in America (typically ask culture) but also grew up in a very guess culture family, subculture and religion (Utah Mormons), this seems insane to me. I grew up guess culture so I understand it, but ask culture is so much clearer/concise/kinder in my opinion. Less likely to be misunderstood and build resentment, etc. The wikipedia article states the "Taarof is a ritual politeness that levels the…
> I grew up guess culture so I understand it, but ask culture is so much clearer/concise/kinder in my opinion. Less likely to be misunderstood and build resentment, etc.
Second that. Just asking takes out the guesswork, and helps to avoid misunderstandings. Feels like a more efficient way to communicate.
But I do prefer to minimize annoying others. For example by learning some of the culture of people you're dealing with, context of the subject matter, etc. Most people will appreciate if you show to 'have done your homework'.
Kind of like RTFM before asking on a forum. You're more likely to get a helpful response if they see you read the relevant section of the manual, and tried x or y, but something remains unclear. Versus "I'm lazy & need this fixed, plz help".
But I think it depends on how well you're tuned into the culture of some group (call it the in-crowd).
If you're like a Zen master of that group's way of doing things, and many exchanges have been made between members of that group & yourself, then with a request you know who to ask, how to ask, and likely meet willingness from the other side.
But if you're clueless.. then better give a hint to that fact, and ask explicit questions that don't leave room for misunderstanding.
"Those who ask may be a fool for one day. But those who don't ask, may remain a fool forever".
Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)
#53A certain degree of guess culture is required. No one would be happy living in a "culture" where it's normal to ask the person you're talking to "Hey, can I punch you in the face?" every five minutes — if you don't ask how could you be sure? It seems to me that the more a culture leans toward guess , the better.
It seems to me that the more a culture leans toward guess, the better.
it's just as bad when you can't ask. it really doesn't help if your subordinates try to guess what you meant because they are afraid to ask for clarifications.
Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)
#54While Japan is the most obvious "Guess culture" for Westerners. My favourite example of a "Guess culture" is that of Iranian taarof[0]: Another example occurs if a Western individual is not familiar with taarof in Iranian culture. When an Iranian individual is offering taarof, it is to first view it as a sincere offer with the hope of decline up to four or five times. If the individual offers more than five times, it…
As someone who grew up in America (typically ask culture) but also grew up in a very guess culture family, subculture and religion (Utah Mormons), this seems insane to me. I grew up guess culture so I understand it, but ask culture is so much clearer/concise/kinder in my opinion. Less likely to be misunderstood and build resentment, etc. The wikipedia article states the "Taarof is a ritual politeness that levels the…
Absolutely. I’m from a big family that is ask culture both by necessity and temperament and relating to families that are guess-based is just so exhausting, in both directions.
Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)
#55I guess. I read docs, I read code, I read SO questions, I read forum posts, I read blog posts, I read chat histories, I read GitHub issues. And then, after I lost 1h-20h I ask someone. Why? When I started programming, people didn't help me. They were angry when I didn't know things. They laughed at me when I didn't know things. They explained things very badly. They didn't have time to explain things. They didn't kno…
Same. I have had it get me in trouble before because I was described as "developing like a gopher" where I disappear into a hole for _x_ time and then pop out with a bunch of questions or the entire ask completed without any input and both of those things tended to be negative as well. I'm not sure how to handle it sometimes. It seems like asking too many questions can get me judged and potentially make people see me…
I’ve taken on the attitude of “everyone is smart, therefore if I or someone else struggles to understand something, that something is badly designed”
Makes it easier to ask questions, and when someone is asking you silly questions, it allows you to direct your frustration towards the subject itself rather than the person.
Doesn’t work so well with things that weren’t designed however, such as physics, or Rust
Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)
#56Someone mentioned last time this or similar was posted and I agree that this division is totally written from the Asker perspective. Using "guesser" is a deprecating word. It's the person that has empathy and think about others.
No, I think you're missing the point the neither is correct/better, and it's certainly not about which one is more empathetic or thoughtful. "Guesser" doesn't seem deprecating at all. You might as well say "asker" sounds demanding and impertinent, but it's not meant to be either. And you could just as easily say that askers are the ones who empathize and think about others because they want to avoid misunderstandings…
You are missing the point, the "Asker" can be a demanding idiot, but if you frame as "just asking" it tries to absorb any blame as it puts the burden of figuring out things at whoever has to answer. I think this dynamic analysis is written from an "Asker" perspective and this reflects in the choice of words.
Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)
#57Earlier quoted context omitted.
Fascinating. There are rules of the social game that people usually follow, but can be subverted in a move that cashes in reputation or "social capital" for a short term gain. If you do it too often, you lose favor and people will stop offering you things repeatedly, and you are expected to pick up on the social cues. I can see how that creates more social wiggle room than a strict set of rules that everyone is expec…
Reputation (or "Gift") economies are fascinating things, and a neat look into pre-(and maybe post-?)money society. In some ways, the analogy to currency holds: If you do a favor for me, I'm more likely to do a favor for you, there's a baked in "inflation" in that reputation decays over time. But in a lot of important ways, it differs: Me doing a favor for someone actually can make me more likely to do a future favor…
Direct barter of the thing you produce for the thing they produce is of course difficult and inefficient.
But barter in pre monetary cultures often involved the exchange of a third commodity that was commonly traded - things like salt, spices, alcohol, oil, copper and silver. Things that were in high demand and were non-perishable. Coins developed as standardised units of the precious metals that were already being exchanged.
Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)
#58The idea of Ask and Guess cultures seems reasonable, if the Asker will accept a no. However, it's easy for Ask culture to slip into Ask, followed by Ask again, "but why not?", "but you should", "but you did that for someone else", and so forth.
This is obviously someone from the nagger culture
Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)
#59Earlier quoted context omitted.
Calling paying for a bill "quite fun to take part in" made me chuckle. I'd rather play the game where someone else ends up paying because they put that much thought into it. If I'm treating someone I'll happily pay but if I'm at a restaurant with a bunch of people and someone is making it their mission to pay for my meal, I'm not going to fight it!
I'd rather buy everyones meal than owe one to someone else. Being paid for feels infantilizing to me. Often the person with the highest status pays, by accepting being paid for you are accepting your role beneath them.
I felt like that meme "they had us in the first half, not gonna lie" on reading this comment.
I initially thought, on reading your first sentence, that you are trying to be nice/kind to others by paying for them, but then the rest of the comment gave the opposite impression, making it sound like you're infantilising the other person/trying to avoid an unpleasant feeling on your part by pushing it onto someone else.
Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)
#60Earlier quoted context omitted.
Similar here. People still get annoyed when I ask. Dude, I’m just trying to save time. You can say “I don’t know” and I’ll go read. You don’t have to talk in circles, you don’t have the make something up (that will often be wrong), just admit the truth.
Right? I hate when I ask someone something and their response is to go way overboard in answering. "Do you have time for a 30min video call to talk about it?" kinds of things. I mean, obviously it's appreciated but if you don't know (just say so) or if it's that massive just point me at an article or a nice reference pull request or something.
The "I can't communicate anything without a full video chat" types are the worst for sure.