Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

It can be brutal sometimes. And we all have episodes. Sometimes I will lose a few days to one. But you stand back up and soldier through as soon as you can.

I have worked for other people and I have worked for myself, and this is something I only have experienced while self-employed. It is the flip side of being master of one's own destiny--- that is a heavy burden to bear sometimes.

I have never become suicidal or anything due to being self-employed. I HAVE had episodes that have cost me projects, money, time, and all sorts of other things.

This isn't something that can be medicated away. Even vacations don't help that much. It just requires constantly assessing balance in addition to everything else.....

In this case the best thing to do is to scale back. Start a hobby of something else (it doesn't matter what but it needs to be very different) and assign some time to it every day. Maybe it's gourmet cooking, or woodworking, or growing your own food.

Just want to point out that mild to moderate[1] depression respond well to cognitive behaviour therapy. A typical course lasts 8 weeks, but can be up to 14 weeks.

Severe depression can respond well to CBT, especially if there's other stuff (other forms of long term therapy, sometimes medication) in place.

I only say this because it's important for people who feel they are depressed to know that they're not necessarily going to be out of work for months or on weird medications for years. (Indeed, there's plenty of research showing that work is useful and not working is harmful.)

I agree there's a big difference between a carefully crafted course of therapy and an attitude of "just get over it" / "pull your socks up" / "stiff upper lip".

[1] Mild and moderate are not trivial; they can have big impacts on the life of the person with them and the people around them.

Please may I make some suggestions? I have no medical training, and it's a good idea to talk to doctors.

1) Make a "rainy day action plan" and give it to someone you trust. This would have a list of signs that things are not going well (either too high or too low) and that you might need some help. It would include a list of things to do, and people to contact, when you do need help. It would also include any "Advance Directives" (written instructions for clinicians about your future treatment) I don't know if they exist in your country, but they're a strong and useful tool in the UK.

2) Consider regular vigorous exercise. There's plenty of evidence that good exercise helps lift moods. Be careful when you're feeling up that you do not over-exercise.

3) Consider being very careful with the amount of alcohol you drink. Alcohol depresses mood. Sometimes people feel the effect for a day or so after drinking even a small amount. This is especially important if you're drinking alone. (The UK has the concept of "units" for public health about drinking. If you're drinking more than 21 units a week, without 48 hour breaks after a heavy drink session, you may be risky for physical harm)

4) Consider being careful with caffeine. Some people feel the affect more strongly than others.

5) Consider "sleep hygiene". Sleep is often disturbed with mood disorders. Sleep hygiene is the first line treatment. Then you could try CBT for sleep disorders if you can find it. Otherwise a short course of a z drug may help kick you back into a sleep rhythm.