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Do you want your children to be like you? A programmer's perspective

fhur.me

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Re: Do you want your children to be like you? A programmer's perspective

#51
post #47
post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This reads like it was written by someone who doesn't have the slightest idea about the reality of working in other "more virtuous, noble, artful things". I have plenty friends who do art or art-adjacent things (such as design) as a full-time job, and some of them are actually doing quite ok financially (even among non-design people). Let me tell you, working a full-time employment in those fields tends to be a soul-…

> I have plenty friends who do art or art-adjacent things (such as design) as a full-time job The comment you're replying mentioned "fuck you money" for their offspring. That means said offspring will not need to work to make a living.

A good chunk of the people I know that I had in mind when talking about it definitely had essentially unlimited (for all intents and purposes) trust funds from their parents.

That didn't change the fact that the art jobs they were doing were soul-sucking, even when they were working solely for themselves (literally just working on art pieces to try to present and/or sell as a part of their own business or for art galleries). Which was evident to me, based on how they would have multiple "burnouts" per year where they stop doing anything at all.

Imo being successful in art is like being successful in other fields with a long tail-end of success (where the top 1% or 0.1% is doing great, and very few actually care about the works of the rest), such as film/athletics/music/etc (with the only difference being that art seems to be more difficult to break through without pre-existing financial means).

Re: Do you want your children to be like you? A programmer's perspective

#52
post #21

Short interesting story: My mom is an Architect, one day when I was about 8 or 9 she said: don't be an Architect, you won't get paid fairly (developing country). It got burned out in my mind, like a command. And slowly moved to "Don't do art stuff". I stopped drawing and started using computers more and more. Only in my adulthood I started to explore Architecture, and ooohhh boy, I freaking love it. And I would have…

It's funny how an offhand comment can turn into personal dogma. One day driving through a beachfront town I asked my mother what job you had to do to buy one of those beachfront mansions. She joked "nothing legal!" I'm sure it affected my views on wealth for a long time.

Re: Do you want your children to be like you? A programmer's perspective

#53

No. Unless it's her passion, but I'm not going to encourage her specifically in this direction. I want to invest equally (as much as I can) in other STEM, in art, in sports. Maybe she'll be a playwright? Or an athlete? Or a scientist? Or dedicate her life to help other people or animals? Even if she is interested in programming, I'd warn her about burnout, about the ultra long feedback cycles, about the exhausting ra…

> scientist > Ultra long feedback cycles Lol

I moved out of a scientist role into software engineering specifically because I hated the long feedback cycles. My research feedback cycle would be 5-10 years.

Re: Do you want your children to be like you? A programmer's perspective

#54
post #21

Short interesting story: My mom is an Architect, one day when I was about 8 or 9 she said: don't be an Architect, you won't get paid fairly (developing country). It got burned out in my mind, like a command. And slowly moved to "Don't do art stuff". I stopped drawing and started using computers more and more. Only in my adulthood I started to explore Architecture, and ooohhh boy, I freaking love it. And I would have…

My mom is an architect in the US and said the same thing

Re: Do you want your children to be like you? A programmer's perspective

#55

The ability to pass on passions is dependent on your ability to detach your ego from work and suppress subconscious hierarchy behavior. As in if display how great you are and your kid is not, you destroy the base of the whole transfer. This is not a company environment were the senior lectures the junior. Better yet, hide your ability and just encourage passionate behavior. It's okay to stay up late doing a thing you…

I respect what you're saying, but you should probably suppress the subconscious hierarchy behavior at work too. A little humility goes a long way.

Re: Do you want your children to be like you? A programmer's perspective

#56
Yes and no. I would like my children to grow up to be a better version of me, one where my mistakes are a foundation for their education, where the good I do they do better etc.

I made up my mind a long time ago that my children can be anything they want, as long as it is good, as long as what they want does not hard others.

I want to introduce my kids to programming, but I also want to see them experience art, sport, and music and everything else the world has to offer. I don't care if they are programmers, I care that they get a bit of an experience at it.

I would rather they grow up to be better than me.

Re: Do you want your children to be like you? A programmer's perspective

#57
post #30

I always encouraged my son to follow his own interests, but exposed him to what I was into. Once he got to high school and started taking "computer science" he really opened up to it and became passionate about it on his own terms. This was amazing to watch unfold and really morphed our relationship into something even more special. Unfortunately the universe decided it was his time to and he passed away a few weeks…

I’m sorry for your loss, that’s truly heartbreaking

thank you

Re: Do you want your children to be like you? A programmer's perspective

#58
post #41
post #30

I always encouraged my son to follow his own interests, but exposed him to what I was into. Once he got to high school and started taking "computer science" he really opened up to it and became passionate about it on his own terms. This was amazing to watch unfold and really morphed our relationship into something even more special. Unfortunately the universe decided it was his time to and he passed away a few weeks…

My next commit is for him.

this made me smile

Re: Do you want your children to be like you? A programmer's perspective

#59
post #43
post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is my nightmare :( I'm so sorry

Literally - I've had this nightmare. I was shook up for weeks. Can't even comprehend it actually happening. To the OP: I am so very sorry for your loss.

thank you both, nightmare is the only way to describe it, he had so much to give to the world.

Re: Do you want your children to be like you? A programmer's perspective

#60
post #30

I always encouraged my son to follow his own interests, but exposed him to what I was into. Once he got to high school and started taking "computer science" he really opened up to it and became passionate about it on his own terms. This was amazing to watch unfold and really morphed our relationship into something even more special. Unfortunately the universe decided it was his time to and he passed away a few weeks…

That sounds beautiful and I'm so sorry for what happened. I can't imagine what you are going through, I'm constantly terrified of something like that happening
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