My brother married then his wife started to beat him up. He tried to escape has been forced back every time. It was either prison or wife. She reported him beating her same way. After lots of stress they finally dissolved their marriage. I'm planning to never ever marry anyone.
The Never Married, a New Normal
51–60 of 450 posts
Re: The Never Married, a New Normal
#52I’ll risk it and defend marriage to this crowd. To me getting married was about getting out of myself. As someone who got married later in life, I’d spent decades living only for myself, doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. Relationships were shallow and lasted only so long as convenient. By choosing to get married and intentional build a family, I knew I was sacrificing a lot of ego and choosing to give…
Fully agreed.
Re: The Never Married, a New Normal
#53I’ll risk it and defend marriage to this crowd. To me getting married was about getting out of myself. As someone who got married later in life, I’d spent decades living only for myself, doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. Relationships were shallow and lasted only so long as convenient. By choosing to get married and intentional build a family, I knew I was sacrificing a lot of ego and choosing to give…
How much of that was making the marriage official or just committing to a long-term partner?
I know someone who was with their partner for years, and has been engaged for years more. I've come to the understanding they'll likely never actually marry. They appear to just want some negotiated commitment. Actual marriage appears to carry strings they're reluctant to accept. (Funds appear to be kept separate as well.)
Re: The Never Married, a New Normal
#54When you look at some repeatedly married people, both now and in history, and ask "why?" the only conceivable answer is, "They both felt they had to BE married."
For all the usual reasons, they thought it was unacceptable to be single, both to society and to themselves. For the latter, it was the feeling, "I'm a loser whom nobody wants." In many societies, it IS almost unacceptable to be single. Thankfully that's less so in Western societies these days.
I'm not saying that's the only reason, but if we're looking at the big picture, that's a huge part of it.
Re: The Never Married, a New Normal
#55My partner and I have been together for 7 years, we bought a house together, haven’t found a compelling reason to get married. Marriage is a complex and binding contract that for two high earners is a tax disadvantage. The most prominent benefits I’ve learned are some situations around visitation rights, and avoiding being compelled to testify against your spouse. It comes from a very dubious history of the husband e…
Hmm - TIL that Power of Attorney is not automatic for spouses (although I imagine it is set up practically by default for most people who get married, and the laws differ by state). ( https://www.google.com/amp/s/estatelawatlanta.com/do-spouses... ) Seems like something folks would care about? It's adjacent to the "When I die, who gets my stuff?" part of the marriage contract which I remain convinced is the real reas…
Both of those goals can be accomplished without marriage; a will can be free although I consulted with a probate attorney and established a revocable trust, and a probate attorney can also help with the medical decisions paperwork.
Re: The Never Married, a New Normal
#56"In fact, most never-married individuals come to see me for help dealing with parents or family members who insist that they live a more conventional lifestyle, not because they are unhappy with their choice of marital status, a lot of married people cannot say the same." That took an unexpected, refreshing, turn. It seems to me that the legal system around marriage is outdated and flawed compared to societal norms t…
> process that typically costs as much as each party buying a car, and takes months or years to complete Isn't that the nature of the beast? When you get married everything is easy; you're happy and cooperating. When you're getting divorced you're upset and fighting. If everything was ended amicably without lawyers you'd only be out a few hundred bucks.
How do long cohabitating folks handle it? What if they comingle funds?
Re: The Never Married, a New Normal
#57I'm guessing this is more to do with declining birth rates than anything else. Much of the value of marriage is to enhance the child's claim to both parents' wealth and income. If married, it's much harder for one partner to tap out of parenting, in financial terms
So unmarried father's have less financial responsibility than married ones? Is this because of alimony assuming mothers will reap less income to care for the kids?
Re: The Never Married, a New Normal
#58I’ll risk it and defend marriage to this crowd. To me getting married was about getting out of myself. As someone who got married later in life, I’d spent decades living only for myself, doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. Relationships were shallow and lasted only so long as convenient. By choosing to get married and intentional build a family, I knew I was sacrificing a lot of ego and choosing to give…
Try putting "I'd like someone willing to sacrifice a lot of ego and choose to give up a lot of freedom and self" into Tinder and see how it goes. And as bad as the dating apps are, I never got the impression that people were evaluating each other on much more than superficial metrics in the old school dating world anyway.
Re: The Never Married, a New Normal
#59Earlier quoted context omitted.
Why is marriage is a prerequisite to children? As far as I can tell, being unmarried or even single doesn’t prevent pregnancy.
Because its kinda frowned upon for a man to bail and leave the mother and children to fend for themselves.
Father's don't have to get officially married to stay with the mother or support the children.
Re: The Never Married, a New Normal
#60My partner and I have been together for 7 years, we bought a house together, haven’t found a compelling reason to get married. Marriage is a complex and binding contract that for two high earners is a tax disadvantage. The most prominent benefits I’ve learned are some situations around visitation rights, and avoiding being compelled to testify against your spouse. It comes from a very dubious history of the husband e…
Are you not defacto by law anyway?
I don’t think so, but haven’t consulted with a lawyer about it. My googling about “common law marriage” and “domestic partnership” didn’t turn up much that supports that claim in the US. Only a few states have “common law marriage” and California, New York, and Florida aren’t among them.