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The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Teaching English in Japan (2019)

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Re: The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Teaching English in Japan (2019)

#51

Post by sdfghswe »

contravariant wrote: post #42
FabHK wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They're saving the author's face by not explicitly telling them that their services are no longer required. (They're obviously implicitly telling them, loud and clear.)

This makes me wonder if the author would get more response by phrasing it with less 'finality'. More 'please let me know if online lessons are not convenient right now' and less 'if online lessons are not good enough let me know to my face and we can end this forever'.

Possibly, but the way I read it, ghosting wasn't just associated with this last "online lessons" episode, but had happened before many times. At least the way she tells it sounds it was very common.

Re: The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Teaching English in Japan (2019)

#52

Post by seandoe »

timr wrote: post #37
oh_sigh wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And the fact is Japanese people have no problem understanding what people are really saying. Things can be bluntly stated in Japanese even if their direct transliteration isn't blunt in English.

That's not true. There's no magical bat-signal that only Japanese people can read, and there are lots of contexts that even Japanese people talk about as ridiculously subtle to the point of fiendishness (funny example: I think it's at Bishamon-do temple in Kyoto, where there's a room that was used to "greet" guests who had no chance of meeting with anyone of importance -- the way you "knew" this was because the fusum…

What do they say if they are really sick, can't make the lesson, and will indeed contact you later?

Re: The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Teaching English in Japan (2019)

#53

Post by crummy »

analyst74 wrote: post #30
AstixAndBelix wrote: post #12

The author has correctly and rationally identified the problem. He knows exactly why and how his students behave this way, and yet he still takes it very personally. I'm glad he has at least found an explanation, but it would really help if he consulted with a mental health specialist as to which steps to take to stop feeling distraught every time it happens

I do not like ghosting, but having the ability to adapt to local customs is quite important when living in a foreign country. It seems the author actually understands the local customs, but couldn't accept it emotionally.

Would accepting it emotionally mean not having those emotions?

Re: The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Teaching English in Japan (2019)

#54

Post by colechristensen »

I heard a theory that this kind of extreme aversion to confrontation and the language effects are sometimes caused by a local history of essentially it being extremely common for someone to try to kill you if you offended them either through dueling or straight up murder. But that kind of killing was only socially acceptable for an obvious offense so language and behavior got tied up in knots to avoid confrontation of any kind.

This is why “bless your heart” and “fuck you” can mean the same thing in different places.

Alternatively this didn’t happen in places where conflict tended to be resolved with fights that didn’t escalate to killing.

Re: The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Teaching English in Japan (2019)

#56

Post by FabHK »

timr wrote: post #37
oh_sigh wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And the fact is Japanese people have no problem understanding what people are really saying. Things can be bluntly stated in Japanese even if their direct transliteration isn't blunt in English.

That's not true. There's no magical bat-signal that only Japanese people can read, and there are lots of contexts that even Japanese people talk about as ridiculously subtle to the point of fiendishness (funny example: I think it's at Bishamon-do temple in Kyoto, where there's a room that was used to "greet" guests who had no chance of meeting with anyone of importance -- the way you "knew" this was because the fusum…

Sure, there'll be a gray zone of ambiguity in Japan, just as there is elsewhere. And it might even be larger (in some sense - how could one measure it?). But as you point out, there certainly are utterances in some circumstances that Japanese will understand as a clear "no" (for example), yet a word-for-word translation to English would be interpreted in English as "maybe" or "sounds good".

(I am reminded of this wonderful phrase book between British English and "Dutch" English: https://www.economist.com/johnson/2011/05/27/this-may-intere... )

Re: The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Teaching English in Japan (2019)

#57

Post by lobstrosity420 »

bawolff wrote: post #26
AstixAndBelix wrote: post #12

The author has correctly and rationally identified the problem. He knows exactly why and how his students behave this way, and yet he still takes it very personally. I'm glad he has at least found an explanation, but it would really help if he consulted with a mental health specialist as to which steps to take to stop feeling distraught every time it happens

Isn't it reasonable to feel a little sad when something like this happens? Like by all means if they are crushed by this, see a specialist, but a little pang of sadness hardly seems like an unreasonable reaction requiring a mental health professional. The goal of therapy isn't to make you immune from all negative emotions.

To be fair the feeling you get from reading the post is that it crushed her.

Re: The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Teaching English in Japan (2019)

#58

Post by ambicapter »

seandoe wrote: post #52
timr wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's not true. There's no magical bat-signal that only Japanese people can read, and there are lots of contexts that even Japanese people talk about as ridiculously subtle to the point of fiendishness (funny example: I think it's at Bishamon-do temple in Kyoto, where there's a room that was used to "greet" guests who had no chance of meeting with anyone of importance -- the way you "knew" this was because the fusum…

What do they say if they are really sick, can't make the lesson, and will indeed contact you later?

GP mentioned it; they apologize profusely.

Re: The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Teaching English in Japan (2019)

#59

Post by TanguyN »

It seems like a cultural difference and not something that should be taken as an offense. It's an introverted behavior, and aren't Japanese people, and Asian cultures at large, generally considered more introverted than their western counterparts? U.S. people, especially, might be the most extroverted in the world, and thus the least capable of understanding this.
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