51–60 of 111 posts
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I feel like you're confusing "date" with "hookup."
Maybe I'm not explaining myself well. If you are having a date looking to have a long-time relationship, you want someone attractive. And if you are having a date looking to hook up, you want someone attractive. So it makes no difference at all. Unless you are looking for a friend. But then "date" is not the word that I would use.
"One 19-year-old women says that she’s looking for mutual respect in a relationship and someone who approaches issues with an open mind." And probably a dozen other things. Self reporting is very hard for this type of thing. Theynshould probably have surveyed ex-partners and prior dates to get both sides of the story. In my experience, most of the time when a woman says she wants you to have an open mind, it means sh…
You do understand that this reasoning cuts both ways. It is much more likely (and mainstream) for the man in the relationship to not tolerate views from their partner that could invalidate or compete with his position, to paraphrase your words. As an example, respectful disagreement with the man in a relationship is explicitly discouraged by conservative Christianity. Women are encouraged to have "loving submission"…
I understand that.
How common is that form of conservative Christianity? Most Christians I know (who are not Amish, but they wouldn't use these sites anyways) do not follow that interpretation of the Bible, but rather believe the meaning of the stories to be that each person should be devoted to each other and listen to each other's perspective (the story mentions husbands treating their wives kindly, but the only way to really do that is to listen).
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It’s not that they don’t matter, but that they’re significantly less important than if a person is actually has strong relationship attributes — all of which are measurable via platonic relationships. Most dating platforms as is are extremely hostile to their customers actually finding real relationships, since as soon as they do, by definition, they’re no longer customers; for a friend’s first platform, they would n…
They're not less important, they're table stakes. Is there wiggle room, sure. Maybe sometimes people are capable of being a little more flexible on these things than they realize. But for example, I think this is true of just about everyone: there's an age range that they're willing to date within, and outside of that range, everyone is a hard pass. I wouldn't date someone who was twice my age, no matter how great th…
A relationship where one or more participants are unempathetic and uncommunicative is at higher risk of ending than one on the other side of the spectrum, regardless of how attractive each of the partners are
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Neither Couch Surfer, nor Meetup are designed for dating — and in my experience anyone using them for dating has a negative impact on there intended use. In the case of Meetup, there are dating groups, but in my experience those are a waste of time.
Anything that you do "for dating" usually goes south because it will be by definition forced. The above comment said instead going to meetups for museum visits, dining, basically sharing experiences, opening yourself to new.
In my experience, all the event types mentioned are largely attended by single people looking for dates. Even the language exchange groups, which have a highly specific and functional intent, tend to be single oriented.
On the flipside, if platform attempted to enforce maintaining 50/50 balance of user base that’s single or not single and explicit forbids users mentioning dating unless they are above a predefined “friend score” — it would remove a lot of people that are not interested in relationship attributes.
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I'll take the hardest pass ever on a "dating startup" that tells me I shouldn't care about the attractiveness, age, or finances of a potential partner.
When you buy a car, what is your first filter to narrow the market? What is a pretty car? Or, do I need an SUV, truck or car? Do you want ICE or EV or Hybrid? Or do you start by picking all the red cars that you think are pretty and then find one that suits your needs? Sorry for comparing dating to buying a car.
Price
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I'll take the hardest pass ever on a "dating startup" that tells me I shouldn't care about the attractiveness, age, or finances of a potential partner.
It’s not that they don’t matter, but that they’re significantly less important than if a person is actually has strong relationship attributes — all of which are measurable via platonic relationships. Most dating platforms as is are extremely hostile to their customers actually finding real relationships, since as soon as they do, by definition, they’re no longer customers; for a friend’s first platform, they would n…
I guess everyone is different, but for me relationships that start out platonically...end up platonic. If nothing happens in the first 3-5 dates...nothing ever will really. I realize that's part of "dating" culture too -- but there is also something behind it -- if I'm REALLY attracted to someone, I'll put the moves on earlier (or they will etc).
What I have had good success in -- and there is something to this I believe -- is meeting romantic partners in similar interest social circles that appeal to both (or however many there are now) genders. You meetup with others of similar interest for a couple of hours once a week, natural attraction forms, if both are interested the independent romantic meeting will happen naturally. The dating nature of it is all -- hidden (and in fact I didn't go into these meetings planning to date anyways).
It's hard to bottle that up exactly into an app though.
In my experience the only apps that I found helping people feel less lonely, finding partner and friends, have been couchsurfing (now paid) and Meetup. In my 2nd tier spanish city Id say it's a great success. In other cities I've heard every meetup group feels like a business, but here it's language exchange, going to eat something, museums, etc. Apparently it's a bit pricey for group hosts. In my particular case I w…
Neither Couch Surfer, nor Meetup are designed for dating — and in my experience anyone using them for dating has a negative impact on there intended use. In the case of Meetup, there are dating groups, but in my experience those are a waste of time.
- learned how to reliably tell if his guest was willing to sleep with her hosts before inviting her - came up with a rehearsed tour of the city, complete with a spontaneous romantic lunch in a hidden gem of a cafe (with a reliable poker-face waiter) - ironed out the kinks in the "from the front door to the bedroom" follow-up routine
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>a center-right think tank Well-poisoning[0]. If there are flaws with the surveys, criticize that. 0. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poisoning_the_well
he provided a fact, which is an observation of reality. you provided a judgment, which is a projection of the judge.
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It’s not that they don’t matter, but that they’re significantly less important than if a person is actually has strong relationship attributes — all of which are measurable via platonic relationships. Most dating platforms as is are extremely hostile to their customers actually finding real relationships, since as soon as they do, by definition, they’re no longer customers; for a friend’s first platform, they would n…
They're not less important, they're table stakes. Is there wiggle room, sure. Maybe sometimes people are capable of being a little more flexible on these things than they realize. But for example, I think this is true of just about everyone: there's an age range that they're willing to date within, and outside of that range, everyone is a hard pass. I wouldn't date someone who was twice my age, no matter how great th…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
It’s not that they don’t matter, but that they’re significantly less important than if a person is actually has strong relationship attributes — all of which are measurable via platonic relationships. Most dating platforms as is are extremely hostile to their customers actually finding real relationships, since as soon as they do, by definition, they’re no longer customers; for a friend’s first platform, they would n…
You're not wrong that dating platforms are like that (Tinder, I think being the most obvious) -- and you seem to have direct experience with this -- but suggesting that people start platonically is very ... Sunday church style. I guess everyone is different, but for me relationships that start out platonically...end up platonic. If nothing happens in the first 3-5 dates...nothing ever will really. I realize that's pa…