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Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

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Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#51

Post by kiawe_fire »

Thank you for sharing.

I can relate. This is my first “real” full time job, and I’ve now been there 10 years with little to show for it, and not for lack of trying.

Software engineer for a small company, report directly to the owners.

Repeatedly, I pour my heart and soul into a project that I believe in, only for ownership to trash the project for superficial reasons.

I’ll do small things and get overly patronizing praise, and then when I try to initiate or lead something bigger, they crush it with passive aggressive, belittling remarks. They mostly just want me doing grunt work, despite my desire to do larger, “force multiplier” type work. Work that my coworkers and customers are asking for.

My self esteem is terrible and I haven’t left for fear that I won’t be able to “make it” anywhere else, paralyzed by the fear of ending up unemployed.

I’m angry that I have a 10 year career full of ambition that went absolutely nowhere, I want to leave, but it’s scary.

Your story gave me a great boost of encouragement to start seriously planning my exit.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#53

Post by yamtaddle »

sopooneo wrote: post #40
kyleblarson wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This makes me think of the Silicon Valley scene where the guys are just sitting on the roof "resting and vesting". "Lunch? Arby's on El Camino I'll drive. Nah let's walk it'll take longer."

My question for that situation is: why even show up? Is there some token importance to you coming through the front door every morning where failing to do so will get you fired thus eliminating your stock options?

I expect it's a case of needing to be there in case the wrong person starts asking questions or snooping around. Like checking badge-swipe logs.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#54

Post by whstl »

Thanks for sharing this this, I'm actually going through a similar situation and leaving a bit of an abusive C-level boss for much greener pastures, and it really hits home, makes me feel I'm not alone.

I was actually terrified of moving on for the longest time, as there was a lot of impostor-syndrome from all the micromanagement, but now I'm actually moving to a higher-paying job, over twice as much and much more in line with Silicon Valley payment. And yes: the previous job paid terribly even for European standards: 80k/year. I'm finding that bad salaries walks hand in hand with bad culture.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#55

Post by keraf »

Thanks for sharing this, it resonates a lot with me. I've seen too many friends sucked in bad relationships, jobs or places (apartments, cities). Despite having people around telling them about all the red flags, they keep going with it, only to realise later down the road it was bad for them. Change can feel scary but is sometimes necessary.

I've been there as well and I'm thankful to the people who shared, sometimes hard to swallow, truths that helped me see clearer. That being said, the grass is not always greener elsewhere. Consult people around you and listen to their opinions, an outside perspective can give you great insight to your current situation. Sometimes the change needed is within yourself. Also, if you see a firend in that situation, be there for them and be honest, people get stuck in this and it can take them into really dark places.

Glad you got out and found something better OP. Don't resent past experiences, it's a waste of the time you saved. Take it as a learning experience, we all do mistakes.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#57

Post by maerF0x0 »

> having to be "present" with nothing to actually do but make some some BS stuff to appear busy.

In the past I've used these kinds of situations for personal development. Linkedin learning, oreily, certifications, youtube tech talks etc.

No one has complained about it yet. /shrug

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#58

Post by 29athrowaway »

cpsns wrote: post #45
29athrowaway wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

.

Dawg,

Your brain is in a way like any other organ in your body. When the other organs don't work you go see a doctor.

We need to normalize talking about mental health. Instead of making it a big deal and stigmatizing it.

We should be able to casually say "I went to the therapist yesterday and it was great, and then I got some eggs from the supermarket and then I made myself a sandwich".

We spend too much time worrying about what other people think.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#59

Post by myrmidon »

itsoktocry wrote: post #10

Thanks for sharing. > Just doing nothing sounds awesome. It's not. It's crap. Yeah, this is something people don't realize until they're it in. It's not fun. Humans long to be needed. > but I didn't have the courage to jump This is one of those things I personally have trouble wrapping my head around, but I know it happens. Kudos for getting it done.

Sorry for sidetracking, but is "... until they're it in" idiomatic?

Because I love the phrase, but I'm not a native speaker, and unable to coax google into clearing this up.

Would you use this in written form only or when speaking too?

(third opinions are also very welcome!)

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#60

Post by JakeTheAndroid »

hbn wrote: post #13
itsoktocry wrote: post #10

Thanks for sharing. > Just doing nothing sounds awesome. It's not. It's crap. Yeah, this is something people don't realize until they're it in. It's not fun. Humans long to be needed. > but I didn't have the courage to jump This is one of those things I personally have trouble wrapping my head around, but I know it happens. Kudos for getting it done.

My days at work where I'm actively engaged in a task and feel like I got something done fly by, whereas the days where I have nothing to do and I'm refreshing HN all day are not only boring but draining. Ironic that doing nothing makes you feel like you have no energy at the end of the day.

When I was a kid I went to work with my dad sometimes. He owned his own painting/handyman company. One of these work trips had a lot of work but very little an 11 year old could really do. I spent most of my day doing nothing, and it felt like the longest day of work in the world. I was tired, bored, and felt like I had actually worked all day. My dad said "sometimes having no work feels like more work doesn't it?" and honestly, yeah. Sometimes that really is the case.

A few years ago I had a tech job where they straight up didn't have work for me to do. For the first month it was amazing. But after a few months a day of doing nothing was completely draining. And my dads words rang in my head again, and I was like damn that as true now as it was when I was 11.

Doing nothing is shockingly hard mentally. We need to be engaged in stuff day to day, and without that engagement it seems like we spend a lot of energy trying to find something to do.

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