Gah that so sucks. He left behind a wife and young daughter. Such a nice man, this really is painful.
Chris Seaton has died
51–60 of 213 posts
Re: Chris Seaton has died
#52Seeing some of the comments here how people valued him, it seems like maybe sometimes these sentiments of gratitude are not expressed until after someone passes. It works if folks cherish the time they have, and remind people of how they appreciate them while they're still on Earth in their body.
If he indeed committed suicide out of depression, I would imagine that maybe he realized after years of relative successes that nothing, no achievement, no appreciation/gratitude by others, will cure his depression. At least that wouldn’t be an uncommon pattern for high-intellect people with severe depression.
This is very common actually. Phil Stutz (a famous psychiatrist) calls it the Snapshot. Basically the Snapshot is the misbelief that if we achieve certain things we will be happy. It's a form of wishful thinking. Instead you have to focus on and enjoy the journey because basic reality is pain, uncertainty and constant work.
There's a Netflix documentary on Stutz (called "Stutz") with Jonah Hill that is quite good although abbreviated on its coverage of "the tools".
Re: Chris Seaton has died
#53Earlier quoted context omitted.
I had lunch with him on Wednesday and wish I said more. I also worry about the hidden pressures of praise. A overly critical inner life can interpret it as “I like you as long as you are useful” which is of course not the truth. I have appreciation for the creators in my life, even when they no longer create.
> A overly critical inner life can interpret it as “I like you as long as you are useful” That's me after most praise: "you say you like me because the stuff I can do will help you, or because you have some unstated aim to take advantage of me, or because you don't know that it could have been so much better". I don't know when, but at some point any expectation of honesty in praise just went out of the window. Becau…
You are not alone. I think it goes all the way back to high school or middle school for me. Its when you realize the gold star stickers were behavior manipulation or something and then see it everywhere.
Re: Chris Seaton has died
#54Earlier quoted context omitted.
If it helps any, Chris's web site used GitHub Pages and its source is available at https://github.com/chrisseaton/chrisseaton.github.io .
There's no particular guarantee that this will stick around either as Github/MS changes policies down the line. Some guaranteed long-term archive like archive.org would be better.
Right. I don't know if that GitHub account will be around forever, but you can clone it now and build the site. If it came to it, we could host on another domain. I'm just suggesting that we don't need to worry about archive.org getting every last bit of content.
Re: Chris Seaton has died
#55Earlier quoted context omitted.
But if you have been feeling that way for many years, with non-stop feelings of dread, it’s hard to see things getting any better.
Lack of hope is the real killer, that's why it's so important to give a depressed person hope. Not optimism, hope.
> Not optimism, hope.
What is the difference?
Re: Chris Seaton has died
#56He basically announced his ‘permanent-rest’ via twitter. So sad but grounding for all of us to remember that there are things way more important past the marvelous inventions we can code or make. For learning purposes, anyone knows what was his major cause of frustration?
Suicide is very personal, should be treated as an extremely complex issue that its uniqueness for each cannot be expressed in details correct enough to respect the regretted. I know you just want to know if any major points could stand out to bring some understanding, and they are probably some, but it's important to treat it as a might be relavant, but always small, piece of a the vastness of one's mind can be.
>Suicide is very personal, should be treated as an extremely complex issue that its uniqueness for each cannot be expressed in details correct enough to respect the regretted.
Can you elaborate on what you mean here? Are you saying that every suicide is unique and out of respect for the dead we should not try to understand it?
Re: Chris Seaton has died
#57Absolutely tragic news.
I met Chris at a couple of local Ruby meetups in Bristol when he gave talks. He was an extremely smart, but also very personable guy. He seemed to really love what he was doing and relished the opportunity to explain it to people and share what he knew. He had a knack for explaining things really well in a way that never patronised when talking to people who were not experts in his domain. He had a real love of communicating what he knew to other people and his passion for his projects was infectious and inspiring.
He was younger than me (mid 30s?), but managed to pack an immense amount into that time. He was one of those people I've met who I've immediately thought "I need to be more like that". Genuinely inspirational. His death is a real loss to the community.
Re: Chris Seaton has died
#58Earlier quoted context omitted.
I do think it's interesting that it's so widely stigmatised (illegal even) though: like we've collectively decided life is meaningful and must be lived to the best of your ability, deciding there's nothing in it for you and you don't want to take part is not (with very niche old-age && ill-health exception) allowed. Weird, when you step back and think about it isn't it? If you're agnostic/atheist at least.
Murdering your self is still murder. There are other victims besides the person committing it. The reason why it is a taboo subject is because it is contagious in a way. When the idea is broadcast at large, there is an increasing likelihood that people on the edge will follow through. Suicide should not be romanticized or indulged.
You do raise valid points.
On the other hand, Chris Seaton was apparently done with it. I think that's his prerogative, and he handled it gracefully.
Re: Chris Seaton has died
#59Earlier quoted context omitted.
I had lunch with him on Wednesday and wish I said more. I also worry about the hidden pressures of praise. A overly critical inner life can interpret it as “I like you as long as you are useful” which is of course not the truth. I have appreciation for the creators in my life, even when they no longer create.
> A overly critical inner life can interpret it as “I like you as long as you are useful” That's me after most praise: "you say you like me because the stuff I can do will help you, or because you have some unstated aim to take advantage of me, or because you don't know that it could have been so much better". I don't know when, but at some point any expectation of honesty in praise just went out of the window. Becau…
I find some of the best advice for adults is found in advice for handling small children (I've got two kids).
The new research/trend is to try to praise behavior rather than outcomes (or in addition). The other bit is to focus on their actions instead of it's impact on you. For example "I'm proud that you won that baseball game" places the focus on me and on the outcome of winning. Versus "I saw you really focused out there in the outfield, I know getting distracted between bats is easy and you've come along way."
It's a very new way of speaking for me, but the more I practice it the more natural it comes. My family aims to "catch someone in praise" a few times a day. We also celebrate celebration. I.e. if I say something nice about someone, then they turn around and say "you get a point for giving a point."
> The mind can be a right bitch.
Too true :(
Re: Chris Seaton has died
#60I didn't know him personally, but immediately recognized the name and always enjoyed his comments here. Very sad.