51–60 of 167 posts
Like for everything geek related, the IT crowd has the answer: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/96/f0/ab/96f0ab9606a11da037c3...
I guess posting that screenshot wouldn't be the best move...
Why is being laid off being compared to the grief related to the death of a parent? Why would there be any grief from a layoff? It’s just a job. Anyone in mourning because they have to job hunt probably has some bigger issues that aren’t going to be helped in any way by what friends do or do not say.
So it would be a completely novel experience for me.
When I was reading through the article however, I got it. Because while I haven't lost a parent yet or lost my job, I have lost a wife. One day I got a call around 5pm Friday that she was a state away and leaving me. Like out of the blue. No idea.
And people kept trying to tell me how I felt. And none of them were right. They offered vague promises of help, but there was nothing concrete. But I knew what I needed to do and just went about the business. The worst thing, the most annoying thing, was people trying to treat you differently and tell you how you feel and ascribe your every thought, word, and action to the event. If you had a rough morning because you spilled coffee on yourself, well it's the event. If you decide to go out to a bar and see people you haven't in a while, well it's the event. Feeling bored at work, the event. Happy, the event. Sad, the event. Upset because everyone is saying everything is about the event, well it's really because of the event.
I can say in my case, I did just want to get on with things. But it's almost like I wasn't allowed to.
And I think that's what the article is trying to convey. Let people handle their internal state the way they want to.
Engineers instinctively want to solve problems. You can't solve this problem. They're going to feel awful for a while. "Hey, you'll find another job!" or "Hey, in 6 months you'll be over it!" or mentioning Kubler-Ross are the wrong "solutions." And definitely anything about you is the wrong solution. "I'm really sorry" sounds like boilerplate, but that's a good opening. And also a good closing.
Why is being laid off being compared to the grief related to the death of a parent? Why would there be any grief from a layoff? It’s just a job. Anyone in mourning because they have to job hunt probably has some bigger issues that aren’t going to be helped in any way by what friends do or do not say.
Not every one is a higly paid software developer in a tech hub. If you live paycheck to paycheck in an area with high unemployment, have kids, and your health insurance is tied up with your employment, getting sacked can be pretty scary.
I think I still don't know what not to say... the article doesn't seem to me to explicitly tell what those things I shouldn't say are... it just explains the "kinds of things", like "don't make it about yourself"... but I don't even know how anyone can make it about themselves?! What do they say to make it look like that? Perhaps I am doing that but I have no idea?! Could someone be a bit more specific?
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"Wow, that sucks. How are you holding up? Let me know if I can help, like with practice questions or whatever. If you've got time this weekend we can grab lunch." It's not perfect, but you can go a long way with something like the above: unqualified acknowledgement, interest in their well-being, offer of support with an example, and a non-pushy offer to have some company/fun/distraction. Swap in specific phrasing as…
Engineers instinctively want to solve problems. You can't solve this problem. They're going to feel awful for a while. "Hey, you'll find another job!" or "Hey, in 6 months you'll be over it!" or mentioning Kubler-Ross are the wrong "solutions." And definitely anything about you is the wrong solution. "I'm really sorry" sounds like boilerplate, but that's a good opening. And also a good closing.
Good for the species, I guess. Aggravating for the individual. :)
I think I still don't know what not to say... the article doesn't seem to me to explicitly tell what those things I shouldn't say are... it just explains the "kinds of things", like "don't make it about yourself"... but I don't even know how anyone can make it about themselves?! What do they say to make it look like that? Perhaps I am doing that but I have no idea?! Could someone be a bit more specific?
The article literally ends with an exact quote “Hey, I heard about the news. I don’t have the right words and please don’t feel obligated to reply. Just know that if I can do something, big or small, now or in the future, I’m just a text away.”