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Friendship Forever

secretorum.life

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Re: Friendship Forever

#51

Post by tomjakubowski »

charlie0 wrote: post #9
zwkrt wrote: post #3

It’s funny as a gay man to see all of these pictures because they really do read to me as gay with my modern lens. That isn’t because of some sort of special gaydar it’s just so uncommon to see straight men showing any type of vulnerability or affection with each other. I have a friend who’s been playing soccer with the same team for 10 years and he came to me saying he realize that he didn’t know anything about thei…

I think that hard times is what really creates that sense of brotherhood. Unfortunately, in the modern western world, it has become really easy to avoid serious hardships once you get even to a modest level of income. I've wanted to do challenging things with acquaintances of mine, but they just don't pan out. I invite people to the gym, I invite them on long hikes, I ask them to do something challenging with me, but…

Plenty of people go to the gym and go hiking. If you want friends who challenge themselves that way, maybe you should seek the ones who already are there.

Re: Friendship Forever

#52

Post by baxtr »

ajb wrote: post #46
baxtr wrote: post #41

We need “work/life” balance because, at some point, we started separating work from life. It didn’t use to be that way. And we should begin to change it again. Building companies with friends is the best way I have found to bring these two sides of life together. And what about those people who say don’t start a company with friends or family? F* them! Sure, friendships might suffer. But hey, so what. That’s life. An…

The problem finding friendships at work is that if you're just an employee, that's another thing your exploitative boss can use as leverage. Leave the company and lose your friends. Work long hours or you're letting your friends down. And the company won't consider those friendships for a nanosecond if getting rid of you is to their benefit.

Exactly. That's why you need to start companies with friends.

Re: Friendship Forever

#53

Post by Gentil »

achenet wrote: post #49
Gentil wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you do this behaviour regularly, they'll think you're gay. Like many mentioned, the bar is very low when it comes to being perceived as gay these days. Great for gay folks cos they've gone through shit. Good for them. They should be able to be themselves. But certain actions eventually would make people think a straight dude gay. Then the people you are interested in "romantically" won't be interested in you cos y…

> Then the people you are interested in "romantically" won't be interested in you cos you're thought as gay. And you can fix this in like 10 seconds via asking the person out on a date or casually mentioning that cute person of the opposite gender you saw yesterday that you wish you'd talked to. > Just like people accepting gay people are new thing, the society learning to differentiate who is whom is a new thing as…

> And you can fix this in like 10 seconds via asking the person out on a date or casually mentioning that cute person of the opposite gender you saw yesterday that you wish you'd talked to.

Yes. Of course. But why do you expect people are directly conversing? Anyone around interested but presumes me as gay wouldn't even bother asking.

I don't think I can clearly explain this.

> Uh... I've had people ask me my sexual preference many times, sometimes in gay clubs. Never once seen it offend anyone, it's more like asking someone for their pronouns.

Thank you. From where I am, people have only relatively recently been open about this. Like I said, experiences vary.

Re: Friendship Forever

#54

Post by unwind »

unity1001 wrote: post #11
zwkrt wrote: post #3

It’s funny as a gay man to see all of these pictures because they really do read to me as gay with my modern lens. That isn’t because of some sort of special gaydar it’s just so uncommon to see straight men showing any type of vulnerability or affection with each other. I have a friend who’s been playing soccer with the same team for 10 years and he came to me saying he realize that he didn’t know anything about thei…

> it’s just so uncommon to see straight men showing any type of vulnerability or affection with each other. In Angloamerican countries, maybe. What you call 'vulnerability and affection' is a requirement for social conduct in Mediterranean, especially Latin countries. You wont find people who behave distant like in the US, or gasp cold like in the Nordic countries. They would be either foreigners, who would be identi…

In Spain, there is even a proverb that goes like 'being cold like a Swede'.

TIL! As a (straight, late middle-age, male) Swedish person this is kind of hilarious! :)

Couldn't find a reference after some mild searching, but I did find another TIL [1]: "no te hagas el sueco" (don’t act like you're a Swede), which means "don't act like you don't understand". Interesting!

[1]: https://cafebabel.com/en/article/expressions-why-the-spanish...

Re: Friendship Forever

#55

Post by llanowarelves »

pmarreck wrote: post #28
fruit2020 wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You’re right. I din’t want to be perceived as gay. What is wrong with that? I have so many gay people I know. My dentist, my next door neighbors, my ex boss, my ex classmate, some work colleagues. I get along with all of them. Live and let live. Let me enjoy being straight.

> I din’t want to be perceived as gay I'm pretty sure that unless they catch you making out with a dude, the jury will forever be out on whether you're gay or not, I think this is between you and your insecurity frankly I've gotten more suspicious looks walking into a place alone than I have with 1 friend.

Your psychologizing and shaming would be more effective if the OP wasn't responding to a comment that literally says as a gay man these non-gay photos (of men doing less) read to him as gay.

Which begs the question: who knows more about gay stuff? Him or you?

Re: Friendship Forever

#56

Post by mccorrinall »

TranquilMarmot wrote: post #30

The part about remote work removing a driving force for friendships hit me pretty hard. In February of 2020, I had a dozen or so really close friends that I would see every day. We would laugh together, get food together, and work on hard problems together. In March of 2020, we all started working remotely and I haven't seen any of them since. Even if I wanted to, almost all of them have moved to other cities, states…

I would have never called them friends in the first place. I have a strict line between friends and acquaintances.

Friends are those relationships which I made during childhood. I still keep those relationships up. We have a much stronger bond through the stuff we have been through together.

I think friendship needs very strong loyality which is just not given in a normal work environment. Eg I’d never lie in court for my acquaintances, but I have certainly for my friends.

Re: Friendship Forever

#57

Post by mccorrinall »

baxtr wrote: post #41

We need “work/life” balance because, at some point, we started separating work from life. It didn’t use to be that way. And we should begin to change it again. Building companies with friends is the best way I have found to bring these two sides of life together. And what about those people who say don’t start a company with friends or family? F* them! Sure, friendships might suffer. But hey, so what. That’s life. An…

I love this comment. Really makes me think about what I should build with whom.

Re: Friendship Forever

#58

Post by steinuil »

unity1001 wrote: post #11
zwkrt wrote: post #3

It’s funny as a gay man to see all of these pictures because they really do read to me as gay with my modern lens. That isn’t because of some sort of special gaydar it’s just so uncommon to see straight men showing any type of vulnerability or affection with each other. I have a friend who’s been playing soccer with the same team for 10 years and he came to me saying he realize that he didn’t know anything about thei…

> it’s just so uncommon to see straight men showing any type of vulnerability or affection with each other. In Angloamerican countries, maybe. What you call 'vulnerability and affection' is a requirement for social conduct in Mediterranean, especially Latin countries. You wont find people who behave distant like in the US, or gasp cold like in the Nordic countries. They would be either foreigners, who would be identi…

In Italy it's fairly common for people of the same sex to greet each other with two kisses on the cheeks or hug each other. Holding hands has become kind of taboo but I don't really see the behavior of the men in those picture as inherently gay. I agree with the article that it's sad that this closeness has gone away, but it's kind of a self-inflicted problem. Men should learn not to be this homophobic and accept a bit of sane homoeroticism into their straight friendships.

Re: Friendship Forever

#59

Post by n4r9 »

mccorrinall wrote: post #56
TranquilMarmot wrote: post #30

The part about remote work removing a driving force for friendships hit me pretty hard. In February of 2020, I had a dozen or so really close friends that I would see every day. We would laugh together, get food together, and work on hard problems together. In March of 2020, we all started working remotely and I haven't seen any of them since. Even if I wanted to, almost all of them have moved to other cities, states…

I would have never called them friends in the first place. I have a strict line between friends and acquaintances. Friends are those relationships which I made during childhood. I still keep those relationships up. We have a much stronger bond through the stuff we have been through together. I think friendship needs very strong loyality which is just not given in a normal work environment. Eg I’d never lie in court f…

Does this mean you don't think it likely/possible to make new friends as an adult?

Re: Friendship Forever

#60

Post by emptyfile »

zwkrt wrote: post #12
anon291 wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As awareness of homosexuality and acceptance of it spreads, friendly measures like this between platonic friends become less common. This is not a moral judgement, just an observation. People don't want to be seen or feel like they're seen as something theyre not.

The idea that gay people having more social standing and more rights has somehow ruined straight relationships is laughable. You’re saying that when being gay was literally a criminal offense straight guys didn’t have to worry about holding hands?

>You’re saying that when being gay was literally a criminal offense straight guys didn’t have to worry about holding hands?

Is that really so shocking to you? You can observe this in any Arab Muslim country today.

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