Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Gender and Age Differences in Love Styles and Attitudes

dimensional.me

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

51–60 of 69 posts

Re: Gender and Age Differences in Love Styles and Attitudes

#51

Post by greenonions »

SoftAnnaLee wrote: post #33

While far from a good study, nor a good analysis of the data, it does introduce some aspects to think about in terms of what one wants in a relationship. For example, the PopSci phenomenon of Love Languages is not exactly the most scientifically valid measure; but it still has utility in making people in a relationship become more aware in how to listen and more effectively communicate with a partner. [1] While the s…

My wife and I read the book on love languages just prior to getting married. I don't think it's a scientific fact or anything, more like a well thought out linguistic tool for discussing feelings.

It simplified the process of learning each other's needs and communicating, and through time we've gotten better. I'd recommend it to anyone.

Re: Gender and Age Differences in Love Styles and Attitudes

#54

Post by yakubin »

kgwxd wrote: post #10
yakubin wrote: post #3

What is missing here is a study of the desire to be alone.

I thought I had that desire most of my life and recently figured out that was far more about my major anxiety to be able to provide quality "service" (as the article calls it) in all relationships, from casual conversation to romantic. Obviously, there are still times I want to be alone, but I'm more aware if it's due to anxiety and try to deal with that feeling if it is. That's just what I figured out for myself, no…

In my case, I used to want to be in a relationship, but with age the prospect lost all appeal, and people ceased being interesting to me in that way at all. I never get the thoughts "oh, this person is really nice, I wonder whether I should ask them out on a date" anymore. I do however value normal friends a lot more than I used to. Still I need space even from friends. My life wouldn't be as enjoyable without the solitary mountain hikes and shooting photos of animals for hours alone.

Re: Gender and Age Differences in Love Styles and Attitudes

#55

Post by seer-zig »

Karawebnetwork wrote: post #45
kova12 wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You might be underappreciating genetic component here. Difference between sexes are very likely evolutionary, rather than social.

You are mixing gender roles and sex here. Yes, variables like the ratio of sex hormones will lead to different results but that's not all there is to it. Matriarchal societies would definitely have different results than a country where women have no rights. Even in countries that are more average in gender equality, how do you explain the difference between countries in the percentage of women in leadership position…

Serious question, how many matriarchal societies have there been in history? There's a reason that practically all of them did not survive.

Re: Gender and Age Differences in Love Styles and Attitudes

#56

Post by SkyBelow »

noobermin wrote: post #19

Does "gender gap" here matter more than what larger fractions show? For example, they say "women desire more Affirmation" but 49% have it as a top two while 56% have "time" in the top two. Men also have 54% for time in the top two. I feel like that's more interesting than looking at percentage differences (which tbh don't really seem to matter that much for this statistic). EDIT: a striking example of this, they say…

>Saying the words "women are more likely than men to do X" leaves the reader unfortunately with the impression "many women do X," whereas that might not be true.

I wonder if this is related to "X is better than Y." leading to "How dare you say X isn't bad!" I didn't, X can be extremely horrible, it can be the second most horrible thing to exist. The only qualifier I gave was that Y was at least one rank more horrible than X. If instead I had used "Y is worse than X" this likely wouldn't have happened.

I'm wondering if many people, when reading a relative comparison, imagine it in some absolute setting and then assume that was the intended information to convey. If your case they imagine a case where more women than men do X, meaning they imagine a whole lot of women doing X and very few men doing X, even though it could actually have been 2 of every million women vs 1 of every million men.

Re: Gender and Age Differences in Love Styles and Attitudes

#58

Post by golemiprague »

PuppyTailWags wrote: post #32
jl2718 wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is. Massively so. https://www.reddit.com/r/TinderData/ Basically this just tells me that people lie on personality tests, or they interpret questions differently. Behaviorism is the only science in psychology. Question answering should be considered a behavior, and not a reflection of internal characteristics. In that light, you essentially have, among men mostly, a behavior, direct presentation of mating inten…

I don't think Tinder is any more an accurate way to evaluate how people love than this study.

No post body was provided.

Re: Gender and Age Differences in Love Styles and Attitudes

#59

Post by SnooSux »

azemetre wrote: post #23

Is there even a consensus that love languages are a valid concept? I ask because it's hard to see how falsifiable the idea is, reading about love languages seems highly "westernized" when love is a universal feeling not bound by culture. How do love languages apply to women in Saudi Arabia or Papua New Guinea? What about subsistence farming communities in Africa? What about native tribes in Brazil or Colombia? IDK, l…

Personally I find it to be a useful model. It's not going to perfectly describe every relationship accurately. But I find it gives me an opportunity to be introspective about a relationship and my contributions to it, including my shortcomings.

Not everything needs to be scientifically rigorous to make a positive impact. Though I agree it's useful to keep in mind the limitations of a given description. MBTI is neat but making it part of a job application feels like a step too far.

Re: Gender and Age Differences in Love Styles and Attitudes

#60

Post by Melatonic »

ravenstine wrote: post #48

The data is interesting, but I see it as poor quality. People are horrendously bad at self assessment on average, and many have "main character" syndrome that biases them towards claiming favorable traits they may lack in practice. There's a reason you don't ask a woman for advice on dating women, or men on how to date men. Most people, particularly young people, don't actually know what they want. Personality tests…

I think a much better way would be to ask the best friends of people to anonymously rate their friend and how they date. The best friend will be close enough to probably have a good idea. Obviously they like the person if they are friends (so there are biases here as well) but they might be more likely to notice patterns the person is otherwise oblivious to.
Post reply on HN