“Husband discovers that communication with wife is helpful”
a bit to much snark for HN i am afraid, but communication with your partner is really what it comes down to.
Write a note to your spouse every day
51–60 of 303 posts
Re: Write a note to your spouse every day
#52Earlier quoted context omitted.
this is probably related to the effect of different ways we perceive love. see the five love languages. we need to talk to our partners about that and try things to find out what makes them feel our love. and also tell them how we receive them.
The love languages concept is pseudoscience, just like the MBTI.
I wouldn't say it's pseudoscience, it's not science at all. It's just a list of five different things which different people may value more or less.
Understanding your partner's values may not be scientific, but it is a good idea.
Re: Write a note to your spouse every day
#53Earlier quoted context omitted.
this is probably related to the effect of different ways we perceive love. see the five love languages. we need to talk to our partners about that and try things to find out what makes them feel our love. and also tell them how we receive them.
The love languages concept is pseudoscience, just like the MBTI.
> love languages concept is pseudoscience
Love is not a science.
Disclaimer: This is not an endorsement of “love languages”.
Re: Write a note to your spouse every day
#54I have had an opposite experience. Daily notes makes no difference. I was in a relationship for 2 years and have written a poem every day for 400 days straight to her. But it failed nevertheless. In fact, I was told by her that these notes put her in guilt. Weird. Gestures like these amplify whatever the relationship there is to start with. If there's a lot of love, they amplify it. If there's a lot of lack of commit…
this is probably related to the effect of different ways we perceive love. see the five love languages. we need to talk to our partners about that and try things to find out what makes them feel our love. and also tell them how we receive them.
love languages are bullshit, but it is useful to know if someone doesn't like physical touch
but don't worry, I play along with that, myers briggs, astrology, angel numbers, ambiguous western spirituality, and I'm a great listener (because I'm too dumbfounded to know what to say and I don't mind being an enabler, for sex)
unlike the others, its only the myers briggs people that take their belief system seriously, since it was probably used on their job at the teambuilding retreat and in academia, but increasingly the love language people have a blind spot for it too
everyone else can just laugh about their consequence-free religions
Re: Write a note to your spouse every day
#55Earlier quoted context omitted.
Imagine how expressing daily gratitude might change who you are. If you say things enough, you come to believe in them and act to make them true. Even if you wrote such notes every day, and never gave them to your partner, the act of writing them changes you. Perhaps, even, into a better partner.
Gratitude is only possible from a place of narcissism. Think about it.
I don't get it. Would you be suggesting that truly selfless people don't like to be thanked? If so, I don't understand why that would be a good thing; there's nothing wrong to expect respect or basic appreciation for your help.
Re: Write a note to your spouse every day
#56> I’m a husband who is 30. I also have 4 kids, ages 6 and under. I’m the sole-provider for the family (though my wife works harder). Between the job, the kids, and extrafamilial obligations, there’s not a lot of time for communication with my wife. We’re on the go from sun-up to sun-down, and at the end of the day we drop into bed exhausted to get just enough sleep for the next day. Very often in the past, a week or…
It does sound hectic, but it's not hell, because he loves what he does, and clearly loves his wife and kids. That sacrifice (on the part of him and his wife) is for those they love. I do think it's kinda weird to write his wife a daily note -- presumably it takes him 15-30 minutes to write the note. Why not spend that time talking face-to-face with her instead? For me and my wife (I'm in a similar stage of life) we c…
depends on where both of them are when he has time to write the note. he could call her, but maybe it's at a time when she is not available. in any case it seems like one way to address one problem in their relationship (the problem of not having enough time to talk to each other) sure there are other ways to address the same, some better, some worse. this is what happens to work in this situation.
Re: Write a note to your spouse every day
#57I don't know about daily notes, anything that's daily kind of loses its impact. But leaving surprise love notes for my wife, spontaneously, a few times a year is wonderful and something I highly recommend. Get some post-its and a sharpie, hide them someplace unexpected.
Re: Write a note to your spouse every day
#58We chat every day on Signal.
Re: Write a note to your spouse every day
#59Is it just me or does anybody else think having to “do” something to want to talk to each other is weird? I feel like the trust between these two was very broken at this point. Usually when both parties have a healthy emotional well being and they like each other (and have kids also, so they have a lot in common I guess?) it would only be normal to want to talk with each other. Looks more like a symptom of fatigue or…
i think part of the problem is, that when everyone is busy it is easy for habits to take over and communication to reduce, especially when things are otherwise going well. but then when things get worse the lack of communication makes it more difficult to notice.
in that case, doing something to break out of that and increase communication again sounds like the right step.
Re: Write a note to your spouse every day
#60For anyone skimming the comments first, I found the author's outline to be the most interesting segment (though I recommend reading the essay in full):
"Here’s a general outline of what I write:
"Gratitude (for her, her hard work, her amazing looks, etc.)
"What I’m working on today.
"What I’m working towards (goals, deadlines, etc.)
"Anything I’m excited about.
"Anything that’s bothering me (stress, anxiety, pessimism, etc.)
"Ideas that I have (parenting, fixing the home, work related, etc.)
"Transactional stuff (finances, things I need to take care of, stuff I need to remember, etc.)
"Questions (are there any events coming up, are we doing a date night this week, etc.)
"Gratitude (for the life we have, the things we have, the time we have, the kids we have, etc.)
"I don’t write every section every day, but those are the general categories I usually fall into. The note usually takes me just shy of a half-hour if I’m not distracted."
The notes are quite thoughtful: many of these points sound sweet, and several of the prompts could still work for people who aren't in a relationship. The appreciation shown, and the self-reflection, likely both strengthen the relationship.