So… did your wife get the big house she wanted?
Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
51–60 of 226 posts
Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
#52Earlier quoted context omitted.
It is pretty normal for poor mental health to take a toll on relationships. Sometimes the problem really is that simple. But with that said, it is always a good time to work on yourself and relationships.
it shouldn't have to be normal. ideally your partner is supporting you especially in times like this. you should be able to share with your wife what OP shared with HN. if he had, the result might have been to not only get a new job but get a job in a different location, with a new, bigger house. it's more work to pull that off, and not something they could have done while the relationship is sour, but possible if th…
I'm not interested in making up stories about OP. We don't know how supportive their partner was, how much they shared, and how collaborate they were in the process. We also don't know what alternate realities might have been.
I think it is kinda rude to make these assumptions.
I'm just saying there are plenty of problems love, support, and teamwork can't fix. Doubly so when you don't know what is wrong in the first place. A healthy marriage can help in rough times and be a source of strength and resiliency, but is hardly a panacea for all of life's problems.
Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
#53Earlier quoted context omitted.
> if they are just a number doing boring work and hate their job and have no impact This is almost every job. You might as well get paid fairly for it.
I would rather get paid less and enjoy my job than wake and not want to get out of bed. But that’s just me. Only live once so want to enjoy life.
Do you have a family to support?
Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
#54"Series D startup" may be a very bad place to be very soon. Keep grinding LeetCode.
There are plenty of recession resistant software engineering jobs outside of SV. If you have some skills, you'll be fine. When the economy crashes and bitcoin startups go out of business, payday loan startups will be hiring.
Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
#55Earlier quoted context omitted.
Shameless plus one, I’ve been with my wife for 10 years - when we’re both happy as individuals were happy as a couple. Sometimes people just need to do the hard work of finding happiness on their own. Someone else can’t make you feel happy with your career.
partners should support each other, especially through trying times. but your happiness should not only depend on your partner. if it does then any problem in the relationship can quickly spiral into something unfixable. on the other hand, being individually happy is not enough. if your partnership does not add anything to your happiness then you are more like roommates. you are fortunate until now, but i would not r…
Am I the only one that thinks it's rude to give unsolicited marital advice based on absolutely no facts
Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
#56Just a suggestion, but if your relationship with your wife depends on your personal circumstances and mood, then it sounds not very strong. Might be worth taking advantage of this good period to do some relationship strengthening exercises while you can so that when the next downturn happens, you can both understand each other's and your own feelings better. I'm not talking about random activities like going to the b…
Lines you won't see on a gravestone: "I wish I had worked more." "I wish I had a less meaningful relationship with my wife."
You might have the first one, but they won't describe it as work. They might say "taken risks" "followed my dream" etc.
Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
#57Just a suggestion, but if your relationship with your wife depends on your personal circumstances and mood, then it sounds not very strong. Might be worth taking advantage of this good period to do some relationship strengthening exercises while you can so that when the next downturn happens, you can both understand each other's and your own feelings better. I'm not talking about random activities like going to the b…
Lines you won't see on a gravestone: "I wish I had worked more." "I wish I had a less meaningful relationship with my wife."
Because I’ve seen “I wish I had worked less.” on a gravestone?
Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
#58"Series D startup" may be a very bad place to be very soon. Keep grinding LeetCode.
My parents always said videogames were a waste of time, but at least they ingrained the value of repetitive stat grinding.
Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
#59"Series D startup" may be a very bad place to be very soon. Keep grinding LeetCode.
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Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
#60Earlier quoted context omitted.
it shouldn't have to be normal. ideally your partner is supporting you especially in times like this. you should be able to share with your wife what OP shared with HN. if he had, the result might have been to not only get a new job but get a job in a different location, with a new, bigger house. it's more work to pull that off, and not something they could have done while the relationship is sour, but possible if th…
I'm not interested in making up stories about OP. We don't know how supportive their partner was, how much they shared, and how collaborate they were in the process. We also don't know what alternate realities might have been. I think it is kinda rude to make these assumptions. I'm just saying there are plenty of problems love, support, and teamwork can't fix. Doubly so when you don't know what is wrong in the first…
there are plenty of problems love, support, and teamwork can't fix.
hard disagree. there isn't a single problem that can't be fixed in a good relationship.
OP would not have needed to come here and ask for help if he had been able to talk with his wife about his problems.