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When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

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Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#51

Post by chillacy »

aantix wrote: post #9
xwdv wrote: post #2

Having such a marriage in this day and age is truly a luxury, reserved only for the deepest of lovers.

Deep love is practiced, not an accident. I've found that when I'm honest about my feelings, even the messy ones, honest about my thoughts, even if they don't paint me in a good light, my spouse hears me and eventually, accepts me. And it makes me fall in love all over again. It frees up my consciousness. I don't have to do the mental dance of "oh, you can say this, but don't say that. Say it this way, not that way. D…

> - Learning to Speak the Microscopic Truth

I first encountered this idea from the Conscious Leadership Group (Gay Hendricks works with them), and now I can't help but notice that it seems to apply to HN comments (and the result of a given thread), as choices in the words and grammar of each statement.

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#52

Post by testfoobar »

diskzero wrote: post #50
nefitty wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I love my wife a lot. She's like my shadow, evidence that the sun is in the sky. If she got really sick I would stay with her and care for her. A huge chunk of that is because I'm attached to her, the little human pattern that the universe mumbles out. The other mind that looks at me and convinces me I actually exist. I personally think it's irresponsible to set up these weird transcendental expectations. If anyone r…

My wife was diagnosed with lymphoma and brain cancer last December and passed this October. I watched her weaken, spring back when a therapy worked, descend into near death when a therapy failed and eventually see her mind and body destroyed by cancer. I hated the illness, the workload, the stress and then unending anxiety of knowing there was little chance of a recovery. I never thought of leaving or not caring for…

I am sorry for your loss.

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#53

Post by nvarsj »

aantix wrote: post #9
xwdv wrote: post #2

Having such a marriage in this day and age is truly a luxury, reserved only for the deepest of lovers.

Deep love is practiced, not an accident. I've found that when I'm honest about my feelings, even the messy ones, honest about my thoughts, even if they don't paint me in a good light, my spouse hears me and eventually, accepts me. And it makes me fall in love all over again. It frees up my consciousness. I don't have to do the mental dance of "oh, you can say this, but don't say that. Say it this way, not that way. D…

But what you describe is rare like the OP points out. For two people to be so honest and open and direct with each other requires large amounts of maturity and mutual respect and selflessness. Which, to be honest, is rare enough in a single human these days, let alone two that manage to find themselves together. If you have that, I’m truly envious.

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#54

Post by [deleted] »

rxhernandez wrote: post #36
pomian wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I do not believe it is rare. I think that it is the same with bad news and tragedy, the news reports only those. Behind all the sad stories, the frustrated stories, and everything else that is loud, there is a quiet passion that supports the world. It quietly goes on, without disturbing the neighbors, or making headlines. It's not easy, it's not painful, but it perseveres. All around you. In the background.

I think the divorce rate starkly points in a different direction.

[deleted]

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#56

Post by aantix »

nvarsj wrote: post #53
aantix wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Deep love is practiced, not an accident. I've found that when I'm honest about my feelings, even the messy ones, honest about my thoughts, even if they don't paint me in a good light, my spouse hears me and eventually, accepts me. And it makes me fall in love all over again. It frees up my consciousness. I don't have to do the mental dance of "oh, you can say this, but don't say that. Say it this way, not that way. D…

But what you describe is rare like the OP points out. For two people to be so honest and open and direct with each other requires large amounts of maturity and mutual respect and selflessness. Which, to be honest, is rare enough in a single human these days, let alone two that manage to find themselves together. If you have that, I’m truly envious.

I was addressing this statement from OP

>reserved only for the deepest of lovers

For some reason I interpreted this as deep love being random. Maybe that wasn't the intent, after re-reading it.

Just wanted to demonstrate what had worked for me to rekindle intimacy. And that it was teachable.

The book "Conscious Loving" by Gay and Kaitlyn Hendricks is the book that talks about telling the Microscopic Truth. It's helped me tremendously.

I enjoy their newsletter a lot. They discuss in detail many of the concepts in their books. And it's free.

Relevant to this conversation -

Here's Why Sharing Your Emotions - Even The Messy, Angry Ones - Is Critical For A Great, Intimate Relationship

https://www.heartsintrueharmony.com/m/email/ar/truth-our-emo...

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#57

Post by nefitty »

diskzero wrote: post #50
nefitty wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I love my wife a lot. She's like my shadow, evidence that the sun is in the sky. If she got really sick I would stay with her and care for her. A huge chunk of that is because I'm attached to her, the little human pattern that the universe mumbles out. The other mind that looks at me and convinces me I actually exist. I personally think it's irresponsible to set up these weird transcendental expectations. If anyone r…

My wife was diagnosed with lymphoma and brain cancer last December and passed this October. I watched her weaken, spring back when a therapy worked, descend into near death when a therapy failed and eventually see her mind and body destroyed by cancer. I hated the illness, the workload, the stress and then unending anxiety of knowing there was little chance of a recovery. I never thought of leaving or not caring for…

Jesus. There's no words. My heart breaks.

Thank you for giving us your thoughts. I hope to live up to the standard you set with the clearly towering love you shared with your wife. I'm dumb, young, unwise so I'll dare to presume: I am certain she would have told you how important you are to her, how much she loves you and how thankful she was that you shared your life with her.

Sorry, I try not to be emotional. Especially on a forum like HN where rationality and clarity of thought seem to be the M.O. Its impossible to imagine what you've gone through and what you're going through. I send you a huge, digital, hairy man hug my dude.

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#58

Post by aantix »

chillacy wrote: post #51
aantix wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Deep love is practiced, not an accident. I've found that when I'm honest about my feelings, even the messy ones, honest about my thoughts, even if they don't paint me in a good light, my spouse hears me and eventually, accepts me. And it makes me fall in love all over again. It frees up my consciousness. I don't have to do the mental dance of "oh, you can say this, but don't say that. Say it this way, not that way. D…

> - Learning to Speak the Microscopic Truth I first encountered this idea from the Conscious Leadership Group (Gay Hendricks works with them), and now I can't help but notice that it seems to apply to HN comments (and the result of a given thread), as choices in the words and grammar of each statement.

Jealous that you've got to attend one of their groups. That's so awesome.

Their work has helped my second marriage to be 10x what my first one was.

Them teaching me to tell the difficult truths was a big part of that.

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#59

Post by gernb »

nefitty wrote: post #31
srvmshr wrote: post #5

> It’s hard to accept the possibility that Judy may have completely forgotten about me, but a lifetime of living with disability has shown me how delicate human bodies and minds can be, how little it can take to dramatically, traumatically alter—or end—lives. Two rogue bones in my neck. Plaque on my beloved’s brain. Great love stories begin with such heady promise and end with such sadness and grief—but, at least in…

I love my wife a lot. She's like my shadow, evidence that the sun is in the sky. If she got really sick I would stay with her and care for her. A huge chunk of that is because I'm attached to her, the little human pattern that the universe mumbles out. The other mind that looks at me and convinces me I actually exist. I personally think it's irresponsible to set up these weird transcendental expectations. If anyone r…

My 1st girlfriend's mom told me "never marry someone you can't fart in front of". My sister easily farts (and laughs) in front of her husband. In fact for Christmas he was given a plaque that says "I didn't fart, my ass blew you a kiss"

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#60

Post by diskzero »

nefitty wrote: post #57
diskzero wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My wife was diagnosed with lymphoma and brain cancer last December and passed this October. I watched her weaken, spring back when a therapy worked, descend into near death when a therapy failed and eventually see her mind and body destroyed by cancer. I hated the illness, the workload, the stress and then unending anxiety of knowing there was little chance of a recovery. I never thought of leaving or not caring for…

Jesus. There's no words. My heart breaks. Thank you for giving us your thoughts. I hope to live up to the standard you set with the clearly towering love you shared with your wife. I'm dumb, young, unwise so I'll dare to presume: I am certain she would have told you how important you are to her, how much she loves you and how thankful she was that you shared your life with her. Sorry, I try not to be emotional. Espec…

Thanks for the insight. I like to think that you are right!

Thanks for the hug. It is much appreciated.

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