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Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#51

Post by systemvoltage »

codr7 wrote: post #50
systemvoltage wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Negativity is incredibly powerful for me, even though I don't express it. Not in the sense it makes me feel smug, but I tear down everything about a particular thing I am focusing on - go to the fundamentals and find out where they went right and wrong. Put the thing to paces, read the manual, assess its usability and what they said it would do and doesn't. I learn from it. Wearing rosy glasses is a disadvantage for…

And I think that's why so many with similar kinds of work struggle to keep the mindset out of the rest of their lives. Striving for perfection is one thing, as long as you realize it's not real. Sounds like gratitude to me, which is always a good thing.

Nothing is perfect != Nothing can be perfect. :-) The former is humility, the latter is pessimism.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#54

Post by srcreigh »

PakG1 wrote: post #49
randycupertino wrote: post #11

Have you ever read the book "How to win Friends and Influence People?" It really helped me become a more positive, likable person. Something about viewing the world through everyone else's eyes and appreciating the good points in everyone. It's weird because it's common sense stuff, but it was a game changer for me. Now I'm friends with the grocery store clerk, the home depot guy, my neighbors, coworkers etc. I try t…

I read that book and as I recall, it makes the point that you need to have the intention and motivation to make it work, or else it won't matter. Whereas for me, the reasons I am always considering negative stuff (I just find it important to think in worst-case scenarios for various reasons), completely outweigh any desire I have to be more friendly and likeable. This has made my marriage difficult at times, and I've…

There is a measure of humility in accepting you have a problem that you don't understand yet and asking for help. Kudos but don't let it get to your head and keep at it :)

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#55

Post by cybernautique »

PakG1 wrote: post #49
randycupertino wrote: post #11

Have you ever read the book "How to win Friends and Influence People?" It really helped me become a more positive, likable person. Something about viewing the world through everyone else's eyes and appreciating the good points in everyone. It's weird because it's common sense stuff, but it was a game changer for me. Now I'm friends with the grocery store clerk, the home depot guy, my neighbors, coworkers etc. I try t…

I read that book and as I recall, it makes the point that you need to have the intention and motivation to make it work, or else it won't matter. Whereas for me, the reasons I am always considering negative stuff (I just find it important to think in worst-case scenarios for various reasons), completely outweigh any desire I have to be more friendly and likeable. This has made my marriage difficult at times, and I've…

I recommend "Tuesdays With Morrie" for a good why book.

Either you value collaboration and the opinions of others, or you don't; there's not much that you can do to reason yourself into or out of it, since it's not really a rational position.

I find dialetheism[0] to be a fulfilling model of mental gymnastics for this 'humbling' you refer to.

[0] https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/dialetheism/

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#56

Post by ceedan »

PakG1 wrote: post #49
randycupertino wrote: post #11

Have you ever read the book "How to win Friends and Influence People?" It really helped me become a more positive, likable person. Something about viewing the world through everyone else's eyes and appreciating the good points in everyone. It's weird because it's common sense stuff, but it was a game changer for me. Now I'm friends with the grocery store clerk, the home depot guy, my neighbors, coworkers etc. I try t…

I read that book and as I recall, it makes the point that you need to have the intention and motivation to make it work, or else it won't matter. Whereas for me, the reasons I am always considering negative stuff (I just find it important to think in worst-case scenarios for various reasons), completely outweigh any desire I have to be more friendly and likeable. This has made my marriage difficult at times, and I've…

It's great they you're going to counseling. Good job taking that big step. It helps.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#57

Post by protomyth »

I have a long car ride to work and back. I tend to talk it out in the car. For the most part, my negativity comes from discomfort with some aspect of the world. You cannot always get comfortable, but you generally can talk yourself around the problem so it doesn't cause you to stay in a negative state. Heck, sometimes a rant is a welcome experience. These days, people think your talking to someone on the phone. Blow out all the bad and get your head back to neutral or positive.

Just don't let your discomfort turn into anger or sadness. Do some research on things that are actual chemical downers and get them out of your life. Heck, having certain color photos on your desk will help some people. Environment is often a big contributor to our mood. I'm not talking some dumb crap fool yourself. I honestly mean find things that contribute to a good mood. I gotta admit being in the badlands for some reason puts me in an amazingly positive mindset for a long time. No idea why.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#58

Post by ruckadub »

All decisions are based in love or fear.

Find your purpose, make sure it's ambitious, make sure it's equitable and helps people. When you are ambitious about your purpose you will be conscious of how little time you have. When you're overwhelmed with progress it's easier to mitigate negativity, you'll be too focused to chime in on the little stuff, or you will empathize for what used to annoy you, and realize you're ahead of the pack.

When men don't have enough ambition, negativity, hatred, jealousy may take hold because your subconscious self knows you can do so much more. Find your purpose and become laser focused on it, and everything else will fall into place.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#59

Post by CTDOCodebases »

I realized that what I thought was 'reality' was just an internal render i.e an artifact of a bunch of sensory input being processed.

I decided to study my own mind using mindfulness meditation and self reflection.

What I found was the following:

- If I am focusing on negative things my subconscious mind will feed me negative thoughts and emotions.

- My subconscious mind runs wild but it will often give me what I ask of it if I clearly express what I want in a definitive, firm and polite manner.

- Negativity is a viewpoint and all viewpoints can be changed and challenged even if they are the default.

- Often I am negative to give myself a way out and protect my ego from being damaged.

- What I consider objective truth is a lot of the time just opinion.

- When I am trying to persuade others of something often it is an expression of a desire for control.

- When I find myself using the word "should" it is often the ego expressing its desires.

- If I feel negative it's often the result of some underlying feeling or internal struggle that I haven't addressed.

- I like being around people and most people (who are fun to be around) don't like hanging out with a negative person no matter how smart that person is.

- Ignoring negative feelings doesn't make me a positive person. Acknowledging the negative thoughts/feelings but choosing to focus on positive feelings instead makes me a positive person. Doing this places negative thinking in its proper function I think. As a sort of alarm/warning system of potential negative outcomes that may occur or have occured.

Ultimately if you find yourself being overly negative then just ask yourself why. What is the motivation? Is it context specific? If I just stayed quiet what would happen?

Also whenever you find yourself saying a statement like "that wouldn't work" or "I can't do that" challenge it with questions. Doing this will surely result in surprises.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#60

Post by beaconstudios »

to back up what others have said, it's habitual; that means you can change it, because it's simply a pattern of thinking/behaviour, not something innate to you. Changing habits is a kind of hacking that Atomic Habits (book) is a great introduction to, but as a first tip I'd say that when you notice yourself being overly negative, try to consciously counteract it with a positive or grateful observation. In any situation you can find something negative (as you already know), but also something positive, so try to rewrite your default behaviour to look for the good rather than the bad.
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