51–60 of 140 posts
I do this a lot: going grocery shopping almost every day even for one or two items during periods when I'm basically homebound. Just the act of being around other people helps tremendously my mood by the time I get back home.
Semi-related: I suspect a big draw of social media is that it resembles actual human communication while also conferring a lot more control to all parties. Vulnerability is not required. Communication is stripped of almost all of its context, and is often asynchronous. There is little expectation of any sort of real commitment. People are easily muted, unfollowed, and blocked. In sanitizing away the messiness of real…
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I agree, I have never made a long standing connection with someone I've met while going to a store in a city. I've gotten to know store owners for stores I've frequented over years but not just randomly running into customers. It seems like most cities I've lived in you don't really just start talking to people randomly, maybe I'm just not very friendly but it seems like a survival instinct to avoid crazy folks.
My wife is from New York and has this instinct you speak of. She gets mad when I talk to bank tellers. I grew up in the Midwest and chat with everyone. It makes sense too, because even in a city of a million, very often I’ll start chatting with someone and realize that we know someone in common. Happens all the time. My wife said such a thing would NEVER happen in New York, there’s just too many people.
You're not talking to a random sample of people, so it's not actually thaaat unlikely to be someone who knows someone you do
Very superficial advice. I don't see how small-talk with strangers can fix loneliness long term.
Very superficial advice. I don't see how small-talk with strangers can fix loneliness long term.
yeah it's just a rehash of the standard advice you always see in these kinds of articles/threads. > Simply put, be casual, not creepy, and read the room. this line gave me a chuckle at least. pretty sure this is the actual root of the problem for many lonely people. here's my guide to making friends: 1. have good social skills. 2. talk to people.
Just consider the fact that if you’re lonely, doing more of the same isn’t going to help you. It’s easy to be dismissive, but you’re going to have to push your comfort zone to find change.
Anyway for me the only thing that sort of works is group sport sessions. I swim and go to group trainings twice a week. It doesn't get me any real friends, but I get people to talk to, we have chat and everything. This is the only time I don't feel lonely atm. Going out to some advernture-like activities will be even better - camping, biking, trail walking. But you need to find group of people to go out with. It is easier to do if you work in some big company - there probably already some groups like this. I did positive experience with coworkers, but sadly it didn't last.
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That's how virtually every friendship starts, isn't it?
Never. Friendship comes from spending regular unstructured time with other people. It’s very hard to make real friends on purpose.
Only the first meeting has to be incidental. Expecting all future contact to be incidental is how you let all could-be friendships and relationships pass right through your fingers.
Take a little control over life.
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This is one of the reasons I'm so quick to suggest Hackspaces to geeky adults looking for social contact. Due to the massively varied nature of activities there tends to be a couple of sub-groups that cater to your specific interests (even if it's only an interest that month) and overall tends to be a group of decent people that you can easily progress through the smalltalk phases and into actual friendships.
Yup. My thought process here[1] is that real friendships only occur from time. So you need long hours with people, whom you either get along with or you don't. You can choose the group of people to increase your odds for sharing interests or personality overlaps to help your chances, but it still requires time. This is why work friendships in my experience are quite easy, even for an introverted hermit like myself. O…
Really depends on your team, in my experience. Nothing wrong at all with being a middle-aged parent who's too busy to do things with coworkers outside of work, of course. It's a workplace, and we're here to do work, not hang out. But my friendships at work tend to happen with people who are around my age and are interested in doing fun things together outside of work too.
Maybe it depends on your definition of "friend" as well. For me, no matter how well I get along with someone at work, so long as we're only chatting with each other over lunch and coffee breaks and the occasional team event, we're just acquaintances, not "real" friends in the sense that you hang out just for fun and help each other out with things that come up in personal life.
Loneliness comes from a lack of community and people who you can trust. You will not build a community and find people who you can trust through small talk and involving yourself in groups that are based on transient interests that can be changed in an instant. There is a reason gangs and groups have some sort of hazing and acceptance ceremony.
So if you want to make friends, I'd suggest looking for multi-day workshops, retreats, festivals, tournaments, conferences, etc. over weekly or monthly meetups.
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Never. Friendship comes from spending regular unstructured time with other people. It’s very hard to make real friends on purpose.
That just isn’t true. Meeting a stranger, realizing you enjoy their company, trading contact info, deciding to spend “structured?” time together. This is most of my friendships and all of my relationships after university. Only the first meeting has to be incidental. Expecting all future contact to be incidental is how you let all could-be friendships and relationships pass right through your fingers. Take a little c…