Notes of a native tiger son: it's a weird time to be Asian-American

I grew up in the East Coast; I'd venture a guess that you probably live on the West Coast. The Bay Area/LA/Vancouver, etc.

> As a further anecdote, as a westernized Asian, "sticking" with your own kind" is not always advisable.

I grew up in Connecticut first where I was the only Asian kid on the block and hanged out with white kids. Then I moved to Washington D.C where I went to an Asian-majority high school. So I could empathize on one hand, you feeling distrust from "Asian Asian," and on the other hand, my personal experience is that my closest friends are Asians who could relate to things that my Caucasian friends could not relate to.

> I have yet to face anywhere near the same type of racial/cultural hatred from any white, brown, or black person as I have from my fellow yellows, for being "too white".

Maybe the hatred is mutual? Maybe you dislike "Asian Asians" for being "too Asian". I have to be honest, don't take it personally, but I have a extreme distrust when I meet a particularly white-washed Asian. I have yet to face anywhere near the same type of racial/cultural hatred as I have from my fellow yellows, for being "too Asian." There's saying, in America, the 1st generation tries to keep their customs, 2nd generation tries to assimilate desperately, and the 3rd generation tries to seek their roots. I'm trying to span all three generations at once.

I don't have a problem with Asians-Asians (aka FOBs). It does seem that some of them have a problem with me.

My experience with "my own people" is somewhat colorful. In an attempt to have me keep more of my heritage, my folks saw fit to send me to Chinese school when I was younger. As one of the more westernized kids there we were subject to ridicule, condescension, and outright hostility - from teachers and students alike. It was the most emotionally fucked up thing I've experienced to-date, and that's after going through the wringer of shitty/abusive college profs and evil exes. Where I grew up, whites picking on Asians was rare, and certainly never systemic. Yet I found myself at the butt end of racism, from my own kind, on a regular basis. I've been through some tough shit, but this remains the only time in my life where I've ever contemplated suicide. It is also the only time of my life where I'd considered myself truly bullied.

And more galling, the teachers were complicit, encouraging, and sometimes even participatory in this sort of thing.

It's erased any sense of racial solidarity I ever had. Prior to that point I used to actually believe that a Chinese might look out for another Chinese - after all, we were all in another country, in the same rickety immigrant boat. So much for that.

Those years have basically soured my ability to approach "Asian Asians" with anything better than a vague distrust. I do not treat Asian-Asians with hostility, but I certainly cannot readily welcome them into my circles as I can anyone else.

FWIW, I'm a 1st-gen. I was born and raised in Asia, and have every claim to my heritage as any other Asian on this continent. Yet, I've been welcomed in every single community I've ever approached except my own.

There's a silver lining though - after I got myself the hell out of that place, I diversified my social circles greatly and became more or less color-blind. I no longer hung out with the "other Asians" - even the westernized ones. I'm happy to say that my social circles span the entire racial spectrum in a way that none of the more traditional Asians I know have done.

[edit] Curious note: I have a lot of very Asian-Asian Korean and Japanese friends, and we have no trouble getting along. So it's not the Asian-ness that seems to be the issue. If I had to take a wild poke at it, I'd say it's because there's not the constant insinuation that I'm a traitor to all Chinese-kind for daring to embrace Western culture. shrug

From personal observation, it also has to do with the fact that a significant portion of Chinese immigrants last century originated from Hong Kong. Hong Kong was controlled by the British for 150 years; thus the level of English language use in Hong Kong has historically been higher compared to other Asian cities.

I'm pretty sure that all of my Hong Kong friends have had names picked for them when they were born; I wouldn't be surprised if a historian/anthropologist concludes that, indeed, that was how it all got started.

(edit: well, one could counter that Indians don't really lend themselves to English names even though India was subject to the British Empire for some time, etc.,; perhaps there are specific factors pertaining to the Chinese. Still, I do think it's important to separate out the different cases within the Chinese diaspora—mainland (urban versus rural), Hong Kong, Taiwan, expatriate/naturalized—each group has a unique history and it doesn't really make sense to try to reason about all of them at once.)