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Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

thetimes.co.uk

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Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#51

Post by jiminy_john »

TazeTSchnitzel wrote: post #37
rconti wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed that it's clickbaity. I already felt bad for the (smaller) proportion of women who would be turned off by this headline, and then when you read the actual article, it's 12% of women and "almost one in five which would be 20%) of men. So, men's rate is not even double womens'. Don't get me wrong, both numbers are serious, and I agree it's a lot harder for us men. It's just that, particularly in the case of such…

Focussing on men risks feeding the whole “men are victims of feminism” narrative.

You mean to say that in fact women are victims of feminism?

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#52

Post by abrax3141 »

This very difficult to interpret, esp. as the article has over-simplified things for reporting purposes. How many of the respondents without friends wanted to be that way? Was family counted as friends? And what counts as a friend anyway?

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#53

Post by Frost1x »

whatshisface wrote: post #7
jamesb93 wrote: post #2

Sounds like a result of increasingly drab and formalised work environments.

Work friends aren't real friends because what happens if you get fired?

The term "friend" is pretty worthless anymore, atleast compared to the definition I adhere to.

What most people call "friends" I'd call aquantiences but I prefer fewer high quality relationships than a large quantity of casual passings. I don't and never have valued such casual fleeting relationships of any kind outside those in the workplace (those are necessary to function in a modern workplace). I'd hardly call those folks friends: most are merely professional aquanteinces or colleagues, nothing more.

Good friends are and have always been difficult to come by. Many prefer loneliness with casual meaningless relationships than the work it takes to foster strong friendships. I'll never understand it but I was taught the value of meaningful human relationships exceed most other frivolities we often occupy ourselves with and it's been one of the most important aspects I followed through life as far as happiness is concerned.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#54

Post by SECProto »

DeusExMachina wrote: post #23
paganel wrote: post #5

As a man is pretty damn hard keeping friends after the age of 30, especially if you happen to go trough a divorce when suddenly more than half (if not more) of your friends get to “choose” the other side. Yeah, you get to ask your friends back from high-school or college out for a beer but chances are they’re also in a middle of a divorce or they’re too busy with family requirements (can’t blame them) or too stressed…

I moved to another country at the age of 30, which meant the number of friends I had dropped to 0. What worked for me was starting dancing tango, where I built a newer, better and larger network than the one I previously had. I guess this can apply to any social activity where you can interact with people, be it social dancing or coocking classes.

Yup, absolutely. Friends I've made after finishing school have been through shared interests, activities, or clubs - running, homebrewing, etc.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#55

Post by point78 »

chrisseaton wrote: post #18
paganel wrote: post #5

As a man is pretty damn hard keeping friends after the age of 30, especially if you happen to go trough a divorce when suddenly more than half (if not more) of your friends get to “choose” the other side. Yeah, you get to ask your friends back from high-school or college out for a beer but chances are they’re also in a middle of a divorce or they’re too busy with family requirements (can’t blame them) or too stressed…

Don't you have any hobbies that give you a social life outside your work or family?

Does the internet count

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#56

Post by guerrilla »

swiley wrote: post #28

If you're an average single man the world hates you. The public considers you a liability that has to be written off in order to stay consistent and most people expect you to hurt them in some way.

"The public" ... which you have statistics on? I'm sorry you feel bad but try not to speak for everyone.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#57

Post by Abishek_Muthian »

Is being lonely really that bad? I like being lonely, not that it makes me happy, as a matter of fact it may be opposite but I really didn't like when I was not lonely (or) say when I had to socialise, indulge in the small-talk just for the sake of it; I felt like having to constantly fake emotions and have insincere conversations.

I've almost completely cut off any realtime communication and my current lifestyle seems like a luxury which I had been missing earlier. This has helped me to focus on things which I would like to do.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#58

Post by Consultant32452 »

jcims wrote: post #33
paganel wrote: post #5

As a man is pretty damn hard keeping friends after the age of 30, especially if you happen to go trough a divorce when suddenly more than half (if not more) of your friends get to “choose” the other side. Yeah, you get to ask your friends back from high-school or college out for a beer but chances are they’re also in a middle of a divorce or they’re too busy with family requirements (can’t blame them) or too stressed…

I sometimes wonder if I’m broken when I see comments like yours, which seem heartfelt and correct and as it should be (the desire for friendships that is). Maybe it’s because my wife and kids fill the void, but I just have no interest in making or maintaining friendships. My wife has a really cool coworker that tries to get me out of the house but i just kinda flop on him. I live in a secluded spot that you can’t see…

The risk is what you'll do when your kids are grown and move out. I definitely recommend, for your own mental health, to build some kind of other life outside your kids before it hits you like a ton of bricks.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#59

Post by viburnum »

Can’t find it right now, but I recall some research showing that friendship for men is basically with whatever other men you’re around the most. If you’re a man and want more friends, you probably need to get a new job. Or make a long-term commitment to showing up to the same place where other men are also committed to showing up (AA meetings, church, sports team, etc). Or just be friends with the husbands of your wife’s friends.

The good news is you don’t need a sparkling wit or anything, you just have to show up.

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