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Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

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Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#51

Post by SN76477 »

axaxs wrote: post #22

Anecdotally... I am, but I seem doomed. I'm not really antisocial. In fact, I can become overtalkative at times when in a social setting. But, given the option, I never seem to want to 'get out' and socialize. Though, when I force myself to, I am in such a better mood for a few days. Then, back to normal, and avoiding social gatherings again until the next time.

I started doing grubhub just because it forces me out of the house a few times a day. It really shakes things since I work from home on my career work.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#52

Post by mapcars »

rahulkapil wrote: post #42

Groups make us relatively happier because we innately want freedom from self. Drugs, music, meditation, adventure sports also provide that.

>because we innately want freedom from self

Ironically Self is the freedom. The problem is people haven't found what Self is and calling it all kinds of things.

One simple thing to look at - does it give you absolute freedom unconditioned by time and space? If not - this is not yet true Freedom.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#53

Post by colechristensen »

axaxs wrote: post #22

Anecdotally... I am, but I seem doomed. I'm not really antisocial. In fact, I can become overtalkative at times when in a social setting. But, given the option, I never seem to want to 'get out' and socialize. Though, when I force myself to, I am in such a better mood for a few days. Then, back to normal, and avoiding social gatherings again until the next time.

What helps is building awareness of your attention/desire traps and consciously manipulating the system that is you to optimize it. That can take the form of depriving yourself of things you "want" (looking at screens is real common) to let yourself get bored to seek out that attention fix somewhere else, it could take the form of creating a regular reminder with a calendar app, it could take the form of convincing someone else to keep you social... you don't have to be a slave to your built-in drives, they're often really stupid and too easily satisfied.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#54

Post by mapcars »

vectorEQ wrote: post #46

people looking for blanket solutions to happiness. there is no one size that fits all for that. find what makes you happy by listening to yourself.

Happiness is exactly the same in every human being - is just a certain type of chemistry. In which ways people find access to it depends on person, environment, society and your background - this is what is unique.

But all these things are indirect and involve (unreliable) mediums. There are ways to access this directly and be happy and ecstatic every single moment without literally anything.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#55

Post by agumonkey »

irrational wrote: post #19
toomanybeersies wrote: post #15

It is just me, or does "at least once a month" not really seem like regular interaction with friends? I'd have thought at least once a week would qualify as regular. Once a month seems really irregular, I couldn't imagine seeing my friends only a dozen times a year. Is this common?

Daily was common when I was a teenager. Every other day was common in college. Weekly was common right after college. Now with a full time job, family, house maintenance, etc. I probably average once every 2 months or so and I'm amazed I even have that much time to spend with friends. I'm looking forward to retirement.

I wonder how it was when people didn't move as far as today. Geographical proximity might surely help emotional proximity.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#56

Post by scarejunba »

axaxs wrote: post #22

Anecdotally... I am, but I seem doomed. I'm not really antisocial. In fact, I can become overtalkative at times when in a social setting. But, given the option, I never seem to want to 'get out' and socialize. Though, when I force myself to, I am in such a better mood for a few days. Then, back to normal, and avoiding social gatherings again until the next time.

The trick is pre-planning. When you commit to events with groups, the desire to not let anyone down overrules all else. Then you realize you have fun anyway!

Most of my weekends are already assigned and I purposely allow for some rest days. And I usually allow for some spontaneous requests to hang out.

I'm happier than I've ever been and I know more people now than I've ever known.

You still need time to yourself so you should respect that but knowing that these people care about me is nice :)

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#57

Post by mapcars »

axaxs wrote: post #22

Anecdotally... I am, but I seem doomed. I'm not really antisocial. In fact, I can become overtalkative at times when in a social setting. But, given the option, I never seem to want to 'get out' and socialize. Though, when I force myself to, I am in such a better mood for a few days. Then, back to normal, and avoiding social gatherings again until the next time.

>I seem doomed

If you think you are doomed you will be doomed.

>I'm not really antisocial

If you think you are not really antisocial you will be not really antisocial.

>I can become overtalkative at times

If you think you can become overtalkative you will be able to become overtalkative.

>I never seem to want to 'get out'

If you think you never seem to want - you will never seem to want

>when I force myself

If you think you force yourself - you will force yourself.

>I am in such a better mood

If you think you are in a better mood - you will be in a better mood.

>back to normal

If you think you are back to normal - you will be back to normal.

Once you reach a place beyond thinking you will gain control over these things.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#58

Post by jraby3 »

axaxs wrote: post #22

Anecdotally... I am, but I seem doomed. I'm not really antisocial. In fact, I can become overtalkative at times when in a social setting. But, given the option, I never seem to want to 'get out' and socialize. Though, when I force myself to, I am in such a better mood for a few days. Then, back to normal, and avoiding social gatherings again until the next time.

I’m the same way, so I built in a fix to my lifestyle. When I was single I always lived with a roommate. Most times I preferred meeting friends than going home after work. And I chose to marry someone who loves social interaction so now we kind of balance each other out.

Worst period of my life was single and living alone. Way too easy to go home after work and never meet or talk to anyone outside of work.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#59

Post by chewz »

onion2k wrote: post #45
chewz wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is a cliche about traveling. Most young people that I have seen traveling in Thailand or Bali do not seem like improving themselves. Only few are genuinely interested in the world around them. Of course we will need some data to support my point :-)

Of course we will need some data to support my point Does hundreds of years of travel writing and tens of thousands of biographies of people who travelled before going on to do amazing things count?

Tens of thousands? There is some 5 milion tourists pers year to Bali and 35 milion to Thailand. Not to mention other destinations. So tens of thousands of biographies (if there is really such a number) is just an rounding error.

So I guess here is your answer.

What I simply meant is that travelling for most people is just a form of leisure not a life enhancing experience.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#60

Post by Tade0 »

rahulkapil wrote: post #42

Groups make us relatively happier because we innately want freedom from self. Drugs, music, meditation, adventure sports also provide that.

I can't relate to that and I think that a measurably large portion of the population can't as well.

I like being with myself. So much so that I deliberately drive instead of flying so that I can have more "me time".

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