Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

51–60 of 292 posts

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#51

Post by o-__-o »

PopeDotNinja wrote: post #33

Host a couch surfer from https://couchsurfing.org , especially one a less-than-rich country. I hosted a person from poor country in my San Francisco apartment. They had traveled here on a paid trip for a tech conference. They asked where they could buy food for less than one dollar per meal. It turned out they only had $6 to pay for their entire stay in San Francisco, including public transit fair for a return to the…

In other words, volunteering and helping the needy brings happiness to everyone involved and sets up paths to success for all.

Keep some old shoes or take your restaurant leftovers with you to give to that next homeless guy at the intersection

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#52

Post by PopeDotNinja »

o-__-o wrote: post #51
PopeDotNinja wrote: post #33

Host a couch surfer from https://couchsurfing.org , especially one a less-than-rich country. I hosted a person from poor country in my San Francisco apartment. They had traveled here on a paid trip for a tech conference. They asked where they could buy food for less than one dollar per meal. It turned out they only had $6 to pay for their entire stay in San Francisco, including public transit fair for a return to the…

In other words, volunteering and helping the needy brings happiness to everyone involved and sets up paths to success for all. Keep some old shoes or take your restaurant leftovers with you to give to that next homeless guy at the intersection

If you like to be extra generous, buy them a new pair of shoes or a meal of their choosing.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#53

Post by mrbonner »

As I get older I don’t often feel that I need to find the little things to invalidate them. But, I have to admit that I still feel very reluctant when I am asked to write good promotion feedbacks for them. In the back of my mind, I always have this thought of “not good enough to deserve it”. Jealousy in no doubt had destroyed a few of my good relationships with co-workers I called friends.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#54

Post by bane »

Envy is like fear. Everybody has it.

Bravery isn't the absence of fear, it's doing a thing despite the fear. It's overcoming your animal instincts using the power of your cognitive mind.

I don't know a word for handling envy that's the equivalent of bravery...maybe "compersion"? Perhaps in the way one might be brave in the face of fear, one may seek compersion in the face of jealousy.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#55

Post by segmondy »

Doesn't happen to me, because no matter how good other's have it, there's a large amount of others that have it worse. If you're not happy about your condition, do something about it. Want more money? Go make it, want more acclaim? Go get it. If you want it bad enough and are willing to put in the time and effort, you will get it.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#56

Post by AndrewKemendo »

untog wrote: post #18

I think there's a process everyone has to go through in life of working out what truly makes them happy. When you're in your early 20s everyone has similar goals - you're going to be a goddamn giant success, no matter what your field is. As the years go on you realise that's not going to happen and you have to re-evaluate. It's not always easy. For me personally, I know I do good work. I know my coworkers can rely on…

What I've seen happen is that people find cognitive-dissonance coping strategies like you describe and just find solace in that.

They change their goals "I didn't want that anyway" "It wasn't my destiny to do that" "I'm much happier with this than if I had done that" etc...

At the end of the day you either realize your goal, or you change it. You can either pretend like it was the plan all along, admit defeat and try something new, or wallow in defeat.

Only one of those is sustainable.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#57

Post by sys_64738 »

I remember the guy two levels above me who was an intern when I was at my previous level. So he was promoted 6 times to my single promotion. I also remember being a manager and having somebody reporting to me but a decade later I was reporting to them.

There's always somebody better than you but there's always somebody better than the person that's better than you. Usually they're younger and smarter but whatever.

I guess in the end I have a job as there's only so many people super smart who are doing what they do. Eventually they need to hire low achievers like myself.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#58

Post by jugjug »

dahart wrote: post #11

You’re already halfway there by recognizing that mentally bringing someone down is a waste of time, and that the only point is to feel better about yourself. Both being jealous and mentally knocking people down are pretty normal human things to do. If you listen, you’ll notice lots of people say things out loud that have the undertone of here’s why you’re not that great or here’s why I’m better than you. Sometimes it…

I very much agree with this. This approach helped me a lot to turn jealousy into being gratefully inspired by others. Every time a thought of jealousy appears in my head, I make a concious effort to turn it into being grateful that there’s a person who accomplished what I wish to accomplish and who can inspire me or even teach/mentor me. Such first concious steps were a bit strange, but after some time the automata in my head got replaced with a new path and jealousy have virtually disappeared since then.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#60

Post by dnh44 »

o-__-o wrote: post #47
untog wrote: post #18

I think there's a process everyone has to go through in life of working out what truly makes them happy. When you're in your early 20s everyone has similar goals - you're going to be a goddamn giant success, no matter what your field is. As the years go on you realise that's not going to happen and you have to re-evaluate. It's not always easy. For me personally, I know I do good work. I know my coworkers can rely on…

FWIW no one aspires to be Scottie Pippen or Dennis Rodman, we all wanna Be Like Mike. But Pippen had the most rebounds and Rodman the most assists during that time. That’s what made the team win, you want to win as a team and there is no I in team. Then you retire from engineering, never making the next Facebook or revolutionary Operating System, instead going onto lead the next generation stars to the promised land…

Not that it matters to the point you're making but Rodman was the one known for the rebounds.
Post reply on HN