super boring article, how can i downvote, i can only see the upvote button?
Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
51–60 of 161 posts
Re: Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
#52Earlier quoted context omitted.
I don't think the point was that she shouldn't have shared that information with peers at all, it's that she needs to be more careful about exactly who she's telling it to. OP may easily be in a position later of promoting her to another position. Even if she is confident in her choices by that point, OP will still have that information tucked in their mind, and will (maybe unconciously) utilize it in their decisions…
A good group project with people who are mature enough to handle someone's expression of vulnerability without judgement might be what keeps them in the class. If you reject someone over an expression of doubt, it was never about the doubt.
The one grayed down comment. I agree whole heartedly.
Re: Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
#53Earlier quoted context omitted.
34 never married no kids. Probably because the sentiment that someone doesn’t want to talk about family makes little sense to someone who’s life revolves around family. I give people blank stares when they talk football to me. I still try to relate. “Yeah my family chose all loser teams so the game lost me.” It’s not a great sentiment to hear for someone who loves football, but they get why I’m out of the discussion.…
Football is pretty much chess with guided missiles. The basic rule is easy enough to remember (4 tries to go 10 yards or the other team gets the ball), and I've never met a football fan who minded filling in the gaps of the current discussion. It's the same with kids. I have no trouble finding things to talk about with my friend who's raising a kid at a similar age. It often starts with talking about how we were rais…
Talking about how you were raised definitely helps.
Re: Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
#54I'm 40, and some of my coworkers are like 25. I'm about two management levels above the basic engineers, but we're a small company and everyone knows everyone. So I'm having lunch with some of the engineers, and one of them shares out of the blue that she regrets getting a computer science degree at her (good) college, and thinks she should've gone into business instead. And my immediate thought is, "For god's sake,…
> I'm someone who has a big say in your career prospects.
No, you have a big say in their progression within one specific organization. Their career prospects overall are up to them. Frankly, I will quit a boss who acts like they own my career.
(Separately: Your undergrad degree is what you make of it. There is no worthless education, only worthless application of that education into your life.)
Re: Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
#55Earlier quoted context omitted.
I am 31, moved into a new team 1.5 years ago. I am married 7 years, no kids... and have carried a hefty mortgage for 8 years. My other team mates are 38-55. Have kids, some even grandkids. While I can relate to alot of things, I can't stand their constant discussions about their kids and other family stuff... I just can't relate.(edit: not that I can't relate really, I just can't stand their constant distractions wit…
34 never married no kids. Probably because the sentiment that someone doesn’t want to talk about family makes little sense to someone who’s life revolves around family. I give people blank stares when they talk football to me. I still try to relate. “Yeah my family chose all loser teams so the game lost me.” It’s not a great sentiment to hear for someone who loves football, but they get why I’m out of the discussion.…
I’m really turned off by football discussions. Thankfully tech isn’t very sports oriented or I would have problems at lunch.
Re: Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
#56I really do think about this a lot, but I disagree with what the author proposes which is basically lying or deceiving others:
> Authenticity is rare, but people performing authenticity is common, and being good at that performance can build a fortune. Not just authenticity, of course. Being able to pretend that you are furious is a trick that all great sales people use. And being able to create the illusion of a sincere vulnerability can trick people into trusting you, which is invaluable
The crux of the issue is as follows: is it possible to exercise discretion, but still be authentic and empathetic? I believe the answer to that is "yes".
I also don't believe this is just about your career - it's about your life. In some circles, amongst _some_ people, in _certain_ circumstances, sharing details is beneficial. But not always. You should not overshare with every person you meet. It's simply not to your benefit.
The difficulty is determining when, where, and to whom you share. Sometimes, you just know. And sometimes, you just have to express yourself. That doesn't always mean you say exactly what's on your mind. Simply a facial expression can communicate what you're feeling in a certain moment, but still with respect and dignity.
Authenticity is extremely powerful. Even with a client, being authentic (without oversharing) will garner you a lot of respect.
Re: Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
#57I'm 40, and some of my coworkers are like 25. I'm about two management levels above the basic engineers, but we're a small company and everyone knows everyone. So I'm having lunch with some of the engineers, and one of them shares out of the blue that she regrets getting a computer science degree at her (good) college, and thinks she should've gone into business instead. And my immediate thought is, "For god's sake,…
> (Separately: Don't get an undergraduate degree in business. What a worthless degree.)
Anecdotally, I have an undergraduate business degree and it has opened many doors for me.
Re: Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
#58Honestly, this is a long article, but it's worth reading. It's written somewhat in response to another article by a millennial wanting her older colleagues to share more. Part of that is quoted in this article, including this passage: > Most of my new colleagues are at least 10 years my senior. Several of them have children, spouses, and mortgages. They are adults. Comparatively, I am a child. This really hits home,…
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Re: Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
#59Earlier quoted context omitted.
>> (Separately: Don't get an undergraduate degree in business. What a worthless degree.) It's hard for people to learn things like this if they're afraid to talk to people who've gone down that road for fear that an honest expression of concern will be read as a critical lack of confidence. Just because we're yelled and beaten down for every expression of vulnerability growing up doesn't mean we have to perpetuate it…
The thing is you can never _really_ know, in advance, who is going to be empathetic about expressions of doubt and who is going to silently and permanently pass judgement upon it. Saying that stuff to peers has little risk especially if the peers know each other. But aetherson has a supervisor role here and he is at least being honest to us that such a remark will condition his future opinion of the blabber-mouth. Th…
All your end advice is true, and I recognize the sentiment of "you can never know". Indeed, a date recently asked me if I could read her mind, as happens often, but this time I said I can read her body so basically yes, I can read her mind. I can do this in interviews as well, which is a curse in a slimy rotten marketplace. It's pretty easy to see the next question to ask somebody and corner them if you want. Lack of mental clarity or lack of social exposure or programming can hinder one.
Re: Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
#60I'm 40, and some of my coworkers are like 25. I'm about two management levels above the basic engineers, but we're a small company and everyone knows everyone. So I'm having lunch with some of the engineers, and one of them shares out of the blue that she regrets getting a computer science degree at her (good) college, and thinks she should've gone into business instead. And my immediate thought is, "For god's sake,…
>> (Separately: Don't get an undergraduate degree in business. What a worthless degree.) It's hard for people to learn things like this if they're afraid to talk to people who've gone down that road for fear that an honest expression of concern will be read as a critical lack of confidence. Just because we're yelled and beaten down for every expression of vulnerability growing up doesn't mean we have to perpetuate it…
I spent 9 years at one company- seven years longer than I should have - and by the time I left in 2008, I was way behind where I should have been. I spent from 2009-2016 admitting weaknesses left and right so I could learn from other people.
I think that might have kept me from getting ahead at the 3 companies I worked at during that time, but it was worth it for the skills I picked up.
Even at my current position as a tech lead, I still have to admit weaknesses. My weaknesses now are around a lot of things that I know are best practices but I haven't had a chance to implement fully before and that I've never been responsible for hiring and recruitment. I have had to be up front about both to ask advice.