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My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

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Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#51

Post by grahamburger »

0xcde4c3db wrote: post #48
grahamburger wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> "Why try anything? Nothing works." That seems like a better outcome all around than not knowing what to try. At least you know you have some options. For some people, it might help - at least enough to get them to the next step.

What I'm saying is that when you convince a depressed person to spend their scarce reserves of effort on useless measures, you risk diminishing their ability to convince themselves that the "next step" is worth taking.

Right. If you know the person well, you can probably make a reasonably good decision if it will help or hurt. But on a random internet message board, we don't. Undoubtably there are some people listening who would react as you've described, and some who might actually find a benefit from getting outside. So, if you're listening and suffering, go see a professional. Just keep in mind that if that seems impossible, start by getting yourself out the front door.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#52

Post by reubenmorais »

I'm fairly sure I'm depressed, but I feel like I have to hide it in order to protect my mom, who is also depressed. She's been dealing with her depression for about five years now, and thanks to software I've been able to support our family for the past three years (I'm 22), which is fantastic for her and my siblings, but at the same time it makes me feel like I have to be an emotional/financial anchor for the family. Because of all this I've gotten very good at suppressing most of my emotions. I have a hard time maintaining my friendships and meeting new people, and I can't help but resent my own family for something that is really not their fault. They in turn resent me for being cold and distant.

Anyway, sorry for ranting, the article just made me feel like sharing this, for a change.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#53

Post by NikolaeVarius »

a3n wrote: post #49
shanusmagnus wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The evidence for physical activity being good for just about every ailment under the sun is about as incontrovertible as the evidence for water being wet. Considering that it's vitally important, often ignored, devoid of negative side effects, and free to implement, I think you're the one being irresponsible.

Anecdote of one: Looking back, I've been depressed most of my adult life, from 20 to my current 58. A few years ago I went to CrossFit for a couple years. I went from not being able to do a single pullup, to being able to crack off 20+. It didn't help. For me. I still wanted to kill myself, and all the while I went to the gym I felt it was pointless. Again, that's an anecdote of one. The cause of my depression and so…

I can relate.

I went on a fitness binge a bit back. These days I can run a 10k in 45 minutes pretty easily, hit very good lifts for my weight class, and eat salads basically every single meal.

After work and after the gym, all I want to do is drink or anything similar to get rid of all the thoughts in my head about how pointless it all is. Why the hell do I care if I can do all that crap.

I feel like how others do. I work 60-70 hours a week because work is the only thing that keeps me away from more depressive thoughts. I don't enjoy doing anything. I've tried going on vacations, hiking, all the things people say young people should do.

All it ever does is make me more depressed that I don't enjoy these things at all, especially since I'm in my early 20s. I've tried doing hacking with Arduino and Raspberry Pi's because I'm supopsed to enjoy that, but no matter what, I don't care because it all seems like junk. I don't care about that shit at all.

I sold a majority of my stuff, and the majority of my possessions fits into a single SUV. No permanent furniture, nothing that costs more than a grand.

Owning stuff brings me no joy, so why even bother having it around.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#54

Post by vr3690 »

reubenmorais wrote: post #52

I'm fairly sure I'm depressed, but I feel like I have to hide it in order to protect my mom, who is also depressed. She's been dealing with her depression for about five years now, and thanks to software I've been able to support our family for the past three years (I'm 22), which is fantastic for her and my siblings, but at the same time it makes me feel like I have to be an emotional/financial anchor for the family…

You should go talk to someone professional about all this. It'll definitely be helpful

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#55

Post by neom »

reubenmorais wrote: post #52

I'm fairly sure I'm depressed, but I feel like I have to hide it in order to protect my mom, who is also depressed. She's been dealing with her depression for about five years now, and thanks to software I've been able to support our family for the past three years (I'm 22), which is fantastic for her and my siblings, but at the same time it makes me feel like I have to be an emotional/financial anchor for the family…

I use talkspace and it's really good, highly recommend it. Feel free to email if you ever feel that you need someone to talk to.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#56

Post by dcsadthrowaway »

The author here is pretty brave. I've often thought about writing something along similar lines. When you're living in DC and you aren't doing this long list of elite stuff, it's much less ok to admit you're not ok. Many places want their younger workers to work hard, not smart. I'm currently looking for a job that have more autonomy, more respect for the individual, but they're hard to find.

It's especially frustrating since after trying a bunch of treatments (therapy, prescription drugs, and various combinations of the two), I've found that good sleep, regular exercise, and the ocassional bowl of weed after work have improved things tremendously.

However, marijuana remains illegal at the federal level.

Even for "uncleared" work, you often have to go through a background check, and one of the questions asks "Have you illegally used drugs" in a certain time frame. (A year, if I remember correctly). I've been told informally it's a "don't ask, don't tell" situation. So basically, even if a position doesn't drug test, you now have the fact you lied on a clearance form hanging over your head.

This has a trickle down effect... the jobs that don't care about any of the above don't do a clearance check are quite hard to get.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#57

Post by JabavuAdams »

reubenmorais wrote: post #52

I'm fairly sure I'm depressed, but I feel like I have to hide it in order to protect my mom, who is also depressed. She's been dealing with her depression for about five years now, and thanks to software I've been able to support our family for the past three years (I'm 22), which is fantastic for her and my siblings, but at the same time it makes me feel like I have to be an emotional/financial anchor for the family…

In your profile, it says that you're a student. You could check whether your school has a student-assistance program.

There are professionals who see this stuff every day who can help you.

There's no shame in this. There could be any number of causes, and some of them are actually easy to fix. That said, many are not but it's good that you're talking to people.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#58

Post by joslin01 »

yeukhon wrote: post #21

I don't believe in therapy. I have multiple major depressions throughout my life, and I entered a new one two and a half years ago. I don't believe in therapy because therapists don't offer anything new but the same comments and advice I get from books and television shows. Morning commute and night commute are the darkest hours of my every day life. Sleeping in doesn't help me because my mind is full of ideas and fe…

The reason why therapy has little use to you is because right now you're very stubbornly defining your happiness. What good does anyone's words mean to you -- you who think you have sacrificed happiness.

I been there and said similar things to myself while holding the mask proud for others to marvel at. You need to learn that you don't need anything to make you happy. Happiness is found within. If you never accept this, you will spend a tragic life seeking outside for what is found within.

Be grateful for the times you had and forgive her for no longer being by your side. Is it not arrogance otherwise? Don't you love her? Do what's best for her then and right now, that means focusing on yourself. It is wasted time trying to run from your problems. Approach them honestly without defense. Do not dictate their solution, but try to listen instead and you might be surprised at how they dissipate.

Remember, thoughts and actions are but expressions of your beliefs. The belief that you can only be happy with girl {X} is an attack upon yourself you currently do not recognize. What you do recognize is your desire to attack yourself physically. The next step is understanding why you wish to attack yourself.

God does not will this kind of life for you, and also learn that you are already in hell. Enlightenment comes from within and the devil is the great deceiver. You are merely deceived by a voice that is defining what your happiness is. Let it go and you'll watch your suffering go and you'll laugh that you ever thought your happiness could be assailed.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#59

Post by foobarqux »

Nrsolis wrote: post #26
depressedfather wrote: post #2

I'm like her dad. Reading her story may have altered my path, for the sake of my daughters, for a bit longer, I guess. I design software, I code, test and deploy. They think my work is good. It doesn't matter. I work until I'm tired and then I sleep. I hide my tears from my family. There's no joy in any of these projects, and I've lost all interest in my past side projects. I work so much I barely see my daughters be…

I'm going to post here under my real nick and hope you read my comments: I was in a depressive state for close to twenty years. The loss of my mother at 10 put me there and instead of getting better I settled into my depression for the next twenty. Twenty years. I was irritable and emotional. I had few friends and I made the friends I did have pay for their mistake of being my friend. I made bad decisions and burned…

Which medication changed your life?

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#60

Post by formula1 »

As someone who has suffered from depression for my entire life I can say the truth sets me free in a lot of ways. My life is a weird struggle between the feeling of hopelessness, paranoia makes me feel like I am worth taking care of and overall confusion of my emotions and what my best path.

Today I believe that I am a dog, to be trained as a dog. Find what good things reward me and reward myself for doing good. Avoid what hurts me or rewards me for doing bad. Additionally I have almost always sufferred from dellusions of granduer, believing I can do more than I can. These delusions have always brought me joy and purpose, as if I am worth life.

Sometimes depression comes up again, now adays I rationalize it. It is my brain telling me my current path is unrealistic, I will fail and that I am a burden to society. Time/practice of a skill is the ultimate determination of realism. Failing is the reault of not preparing for obstacles and not looking for opportunities. Being a burden is only official when I stop thinking, stop talking, stop bringing emotions to other people and stop pushing for what I want.

To be homest, most of my interactions with depression are micro aggressions. Last month I got severely depressed. But that also comes about when there are promises I cannot keep. Which leads me to say, this may or may not be the correct road but It has helped me.

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