its simple... men need sex, women need children.. its hard wired. and eventually these needs go out of alignment
On Marrying the Wrong Person
51–60 of 125 posts
Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person
#52Three notes I would add: 1) In response to the "know yourself" bullet: I met my now wife at 15 - we learned a lot about ourselves between then and when we married at age 22. But we were pretty much committed to marrying by age 18, even though we learned a lot after. You can learn with another person. 2) Life pro tip on understanding other people (this is a quick reinforcement of a bunch of points in the article): if…
The odds of first marriage are better than 50/50. That statistic is for total marriages, but people who divorce once on average divorce multiple times. Success rate of first marriage is something like 65%. Also, that success rate goes higher if you're high income, like most of HN. Yes, thanks, I was about to post the same thing. Also divorce rates are lower among college graduates (which is correlated with income of…
I have no data to back this up, but I would guess that college / university graduates also get married later in life.
Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person
#53I did much of what this guy did:
http://www.danoah.com/2012/10/16-ways-i-blew-my-marriage.htm...
Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person
#54Here's an uncomfortable thought: an effective 1-to-1 mapping between men and women probably doesn't exist. The fact of the matter is that women are primarily interested in a top smaller percentage of high value men (this is called hypergamy). This smaller group of desirable men would most like to have multiple mates (this is called polygamy). Marriage, and the accompanying culture and customs, 'corrects' this by tryi…
Yes, monogamy is usually framed as being good for women and detrimental to men when in fact it's been invented so that non-alpha males could mate; in a "natural" world, most (all) women would mate with the alpha male of the group, and all other males would not mate at all. Therefore it shouldn't be unexpected that women who didn't get to marry the alpha male, are unhappy and eventually want out.
ironically, women's empowerment could eventually lead a society back to pre-historic times in a genetic sense. imagine a society where women no longer need husbands or fathers for either income or childcare (which is the current trend in the OECD). imagine further that there is no more stigma towards artificial insemination. then women will pick the fittest sperm from the bank (let's say an Olympic athlete with a Nobel Prize). thus we have reverted back to a time when the alpha males sire a far greater proportion of progeny. what kinds of long term effects are there on a society's gene pool? does this society then have less diversity, and thus decreased overall fitness as a whole?
what happens to the vast majority of prospectless men? mass immigration of females is one solution. but eventually the donor country will bar them from doing so. so imagine a country where 80% of single men will not get a chance to produce offspring. is that a recipe for civil unrest?
without any traditional patriarchy, it is in the female's best interest to get inseminated by multiple alphas. maybe there will be a social movement that that says for every alpha baby, a female must bear a baby with her beta partner?
Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person
#55Here's an uncomfortable thought: an effective 1-to-1 mapping between men and women probably doesn't exist. The fact of the matter is that women are primarily interested in a top smaller percentage of high value men (this is called hypergamy). This smaller group of desirable men would most like to have multiple mates (this is called polygamy). Marriage, and the accompanying culture and customs, 'corrects' this by tryi…
"The fact of the matter is that people become unhappy in a relationship of any kind when they think they are getting the short end of the stick, and could be doing better." This is such a pithy statement, used with such simple compelling force, that I applaud it even while disagreeing. Some points that counter this message: 1) What percentage of partners that end up leaving the marriage do so with another partner lin…
The feeling of "I can do better" doesn't necessarily mean they have someone lined up.
The rate of divorce for men is much higher when they have a job in which they regularly interact with attractive, or even just young, women even if they aren't engaging in romantic relationships with said women.
Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person
#56Earlier quoted context omitted.
You've discovered the secret! It doesn't.
It may not matter whether you can make it work, but it'll matter if you're having fun while you're trying...
You can have fun with a wide variety of people. It may require letting go of your preconceived notions of "fun" and being open to new experiences, though.
Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person
#57There is so much wrong with the first section of the article, I could only put up with skimming the rest. The only thing I learned from the first section was not to marry the author.
Your comment would be a lot more valuable if you replaced "There is so much wrong" with specifics.
Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person
#58The single most awful thing people do is treat love as an 'emotional' affair, something which is beyond reason. That when it happens, it happens, and when you're in a relationship, you must at all cost keep maintaining the sense of euphoria or else everything will be gone. This would be equivalent of starting a business with someone not on the basis of the value proposition of the business, but based on how you emoti…
Sounds like the American economy.
Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person
#59Earlier quoted context omitted.
Maybe an age thing, hormones do die down I hear! But I doubt these people you're talking about (yourself included) are all celibate though. > "I'm stuck in this situation; kids, a marriage where I get no real benefit, I just want to be free and do what I want and not have to bow to their whims." Unless you're celibate, then this is equivalent to wanting to be with another mate, as that is what will happen. Not to dis…
>Unless you're celibate Pretty much, rough marriage, sex with each other isn't something they want even if you do. Needless to say, more than 12 months go by between 'action.' Right now we are together for finances and the kiddo. But I still have to deal with all of the negatives. I might hook up with others once everything is normal, but really the primary motivator isn't sex or a better mate, it's just freedom to b…
Focus on your happiness mate and rest will fall together.
Suddenly you will become desirable once you do that and get rid of bad habits like needy behavior.
I would suggest focus on health as well and do some lifting and read the book "No more Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover and look for references on the web.
Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person
#60I've got one word for all you lovebirds- roommates. Best (reversible) way to know your domestic faults. Distrust any potential romantic partner that hasn't lived with other people extensively. And in their adult lives, since in college most people aren't ready to do that kind of self-development. And distrust yourself if you haven't done the same, of course.